barack-obama

Sarah Hedgecock · 02/04/14 10:23AM

[The president gives Sunny Obama a belly rub in the White House's Blue Room as Bo and Michelle look on with skepticism. Image via @WhiteHouse/Twitter.]

In Obama's America, Women Finally Stop Aborting Their Babies

Ken Layne · 02/03/14 12:38PM

Good news for fetuses: the rate of U.S. abortions have hit a new low under President Obama. Not since the legalization of abortion during the Nixon Administration in 1973 has the abortion rate been so low, at just 16.9 abortions per 1,000 pregnancies.

2014 Is the Year of the Seven-Toed 3D Pornography Beast

Ken Layne · 01/01/14 10:00AM

On this New Year's Day in America, 2014, the nation's typists ("thought leaders") are required to use their long-dormant psychic abilities to designate the next 12 months as the Year of Something or Other, whether that be "accidental mass suicide" or "wearable automobiles" or "raccoon-sized talking spiders." Such predictions will generally be wrong, yet there is also the remote possibility that the simple act of making a prediction will cause it to happen, no matter how ridiculous or vile.

Hamilton Nolan · 12/12/13 10:36AM

By taking a selfie with the "voluptuously curvy" "blonde bimbo" "Danish cupcake" prime minister and her "gentle gams" "covered by nothing more substantial than sheer black stockings," Barack Obama acted like "a hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar." Andrea Peyser was robbed of the 2013 Bad Sex in Fiction award.

President Obama Apologizes for People Losing Health Coverage

Cord Jefferson · 11/07/13 09:10PM

President Obama said in an interview with NBC News today that he is sorry some Americans have lost their existing health coverage due to the Affordable Care Act rollout. "I am sorry that they are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me," he told Chuck Todd. "We've got to work hard to make sure they know we hear them."

Cord Jefferson · 11/06/13 01:51PM

"In that same meeting, the authors report, Mr. Obama seemed to be thinking about the killing of Osama bin Laden and the United States’ use of drones in the war against Al Qaeda. 'Turns out I’m really good at killing people,' they quote him as saying. 'Didn’t know that was gonna be a strong suit of mine.'"

Lacey Donohue · 10/20/13 09:38PM

Tomorrow President Obama will declare that the Obamacare website glitches are "unacceptable." And speaking of unacceptable, Sen. Ted Cruz told ABC's This Week on Sunday that "I would do anything, and will continue to do anything, to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare."

Fast-Evolving Foxes Prepare To Wipe Out Humanity

Ken Layne · 10/15/13 01:00PM

The fox is a clever beast, famously outsmarting human and animal rivals in ancient fables, recent movies and a current Top 10 song. Humanity's relationship with the fox has long been balanced between bemused tolerance and "let's shoot them for fun and raise them in cages, for fur." But there are abundant signs that the foxes have had quite enough of people, and are making coordinated global moves to take over civilization.

The Backstory of the Ricin Letter Sent To Obama Is Absolutely Cuckoo

Camille Dodero · 09/30/13 06:02PM

Last spring, after a ricin-tainted letter was sent to President Obama, the FBI arrested Paul Kevin Curtis, an Elvis impersonator and Prince super-fan from Mississippi, on suspicion of mailing the poison correspondence. But then a week later, charges against Curtis were dropped and soon another Mississippi musician was taken into custody, Tae Kwon Do instructor J. Everett Dutschke, who turned out to be Curtis's bitter rival. In the October issue of GQ, author/writer Wells Tower digs into the feud and the whole thing gets weirder—so so so much weirder.

Hamilton Nolan · 09/10/13 09:08AM

In a new poll, American historians gave Barack Obama's presidency a grade of "B-." What grade would you give Barack Obama's presidency? Everyone wants to hear your opinion.