Today we learned a thing or two about the big shots on Wall Street and the big shot secrets they tote around with them. For the vast majority of us—some percentage I can't quite put my 99 fingers on—Wall Street is a big ol' bubbling vat of green mysteries. One commenter gives us a pretty good look inside the life of a Dub-Streeter (and you're welcome because that is a label that will certainly catch and spread like wild fire).

Back in the summer of 2008, as the financial system teetered on the edge of collapse, no one knew what would happen to the debt-laden mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac—would they be allowed to go under, or would the government come to their rescue? What would become of the shareholders? Trillions rested on the answers to those questions. Oh wait, someone did know. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson. And he told his hedge fund pals and former Goldman Sachs colleagues. He just didn't tell you. Because, really—who the fuck are you?

Hey! Billionaires have feelings, too, you know. Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone took to CNBC this morning to defend their honor from that bully Barack Obama, who is killing the economy by refusing to literally dance for them while holding pom-poms made of shredded cash: "We need leadership, we need cheerleading, we need encouragement. Businessmen and fat cats need to feel like they're doing something good not that they're villains and not that their criminals."

Regulators have been picking on Bank of America—telling the poor bank that it needs to get stronger, or else they'll enforce "intensified scrutiny" (monitor its Facebook use) and "greater restrictions" (no television after 9 PM, less hanging out with its cool friends). Or some bullshit.

The Steven J. Baum law firm, the awful New York foreclosure mill whose employees threw that homeless-themed Halloween party, is closing down just a month after pictures of the party were published by the New York Times. Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

Stephanie Madoff Mack, widow of Bernie Madoff's son Mark, has written a book — The End of Normal: A Wife's Anguish, A Widow's New Life — about losing a husband to suicide after he played a central and implicit role in the biggest financial fraud in history. (First sentence: "Every night before going to sleep, I put a fresh towel down on my side of the bed, knowing it will be drenched with perspiration by the time I bolt awake, precisely and without fail, at 3:51 in the morning." Imagine the audiobook, voiced by the author, lulling you to sleep!)

The New Yorker's Malcolm Gladwell just wrapped up a three-city tour shilling for Bank of America and delivering "actionable advice" to its customers.

Banking is a profitable business. But it is somewhat less profitable than it was a few years ago. A reasonable person might say "Good, a few years ago it was too profitable due to unfair business practices." Reasonable people are not bankers.

Our brothers and sisters on Wall Street stand in solidarity with you, Rest of America: they're going to take a huge pay cut this year. Huge! Probably bigger than your entire measly little salary. From Dealbook:

As part of the new Basel III financial regulatory standards, certain banks deemed "systemically important" will be required to maintain higher core capital ratios, draw up plans for their own hypothetical unwinding, and keep a certain amount of highly liquid assets on hand lest another crunch come around. You can probably guess many of the banks that these rule-writers had in mind! But for good measure, the official list of 29 banks has been released.

Is there anything more satisfying than watching the ongoing implosion of Jon Corzine, a filthy rich privileged putz who thought his wealth entitled him to run the state of New Jersey, but who got tossed out of office by a fat man and went on to drive a derivatives firm into bankruptcy and criminal investigations? No, there is nothing more satisfying. Nothing.

Occupy Wall Street protested Goldman Sachs for being an evil bank today and a bunch of people got arrested. Zzzzzz. Sorry, but banks just aren't going to cut it after yesterday's exciting siege of an Oakland Whole Foods. The stakes have been raised: You gotta protest something with sexy elite cachet. Do the Apple Store!

Remember credit default swaps? AIG? Hopelessly entangled exotic financial instruments tied to esoteric asset valuations that caused cascading defaults in 2008 and threatened to tank the global financial system unless taxpayers ate all the losses? Remember how we reformed Wall St. to make sure that never repeated itself? Someone tell Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan, and Morgan Stanley, because they've teed the whole damn thing up again, this time in Europe.

There's no better argument against the privilege of wealth than Jon Corzine, the clownish former Goldman Sachs CEO who thought his facility for extracting money from a rigged financial game entitled him to run the state of New Jersey. After getting roundly rejected by voters after one term, he got a job from a friend running derivatives firm MF Global. Yesterday it went bankrupt. And today we learned that he's lost $700 million of his clients' money.

Now Sun Trust and and Regions Financial have joined Wells Fargo and J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. in deciding that charging customers debit card fees on purchases is a stupid idea, the Wall Street Journal reports. This makes Bank of America the only loser bank among America's largest loser banks to keep its $5 fee plan. Way to stay strong, guys!

Goldman Sachs has taken plenty of well-deserved knocks over the last three years, but the man single-handedly most responsible for damaging the Wall St. giant's reputation hasn't worked there for more than a decade: Having done a tour as a shitty senator and a loathed governor, former CEO Jon Corzine has added failed futures broker to his post-Goldman career.

Ruth Madoff appeared on 60 Minutes this evening for her first interview since her husband Bernie was arrested nearly three years ago for perpetrating the largest financial crime in U.S. history.

Not so long ago, Bank of America decided that a good way to refill its slightly-less-bulging-than-usual pockets would be to charge people a monthly fee for their debit cards. "This won't cause a massive public backlash at all, probably," they thought to themselves, while setting a box of puppies aflame.

Bernard Madoff has told ABC News' Barbara Walters—in an interview on the occasion of his daughter's book—that he feels safer in prison than he has in 20 years.

Bernard Madoff's wife Ruth has told 60 Minutes, in the only interview she's ever given since her life unraveled, that she and Bernie tried to kill themselves on Christmas Eve 2008.