Kristin Cavallari is expecting her third child—a girl to be named after a dog—“any day now....[pink bow emoji][pink hearts emoji].” If you don’t believe that, please see the following photo of Kristin making a heart over her belly with her hands:

Look at it: A baby. The royal baby! One of two, actually.

Ariana Grande posted a series of vacation photos with her boyfriend, rapper Big Sean, on Instagram over the weekend, putting a stop to rumors that the two had broken up. Here is a rumor the photos did not disprove, though: The one where Ariana Grande demands to be carried from place to place like an infant.

Professionally charming 38-year-old Ryan Reynolds is expecting a baby with his wife, blogger Blake Lively. Reynolds, who once played a superhero in a movie, wants you to know he's not going to be like a regular dad, he's going to be a cool dad.

Over the weekend, local partygirl Kate Middleton shocked a nation by not giving birth. This is crazy to everyone because we know she is pregnant because we seen it. Many people are now asking "What time is the royal birth happening?" and "When will the royal baby be born?" and "Should I expect the royal baby for dinner or just leave a plate in the oven?"

It's time! It's time! The world will never be the same, because Kim Kardashian just had a baby.

Here's a disgusting new way to make Baby healthier: Instead of being an uptight parent who uses dishwashers or soap or basic hygiene, try "cleaning" your infant's gross pukey pacifier by sticking that thing in your mouth and sucking away.

It's hard out there for a celebrity impersonator. Authenticity is important. And when the celebrity changes, you must implement those changes as well in order to keep your job, regardless of how much of a burden they may be on your own life. (So sorry for all you Lindsay Lohan impersonators out there. Are there Lilo impersonators out there?)

Canadian eagles apparently don't share the disposition of Canadian humans, as evidenced by this dickhead eagle that tried to SNATCH A BABY STRAIGHT OFF THE GROUND in Montreal. Fortunately, the eagle was not able to pull off the greatest aviary caper in world history, probably because small humans weigh many more pounds than big rodents. Hopefully for the eagle's sake, his family won't be too angry at him after he was unable to provide for them on Reverse Thanksgiving. (Update: read theories about why the video is fake here.)

Are you a goal-oriented person who, for career focus-related reasons, has recently placed your newborn in the care of a near-stranger? If so, you should probably prepare some answers for when the police come asking about your baby's whereabouts.

Remember the four-month-old fetus whose parents gave her a Facebook page, for some reason? Little Marriah's page has been shut down, probably because Facebook doesn't allow kids under 13 (and maybe also because her parents misspelled "Mariah").

According to sources (mostly from the ever-reliable newswire Twitter), far-too-rich stylist Rachel Zoe is currently in labor with her first child. She has also reportedly already lost all of the baby weight.

Do you remember your first word? I can't recall mine, though I do know that my little sister's was "Duck." For baby Ellie—the star of this video—however, her utterance is a bit more... ah, f*ck it, just watch.

Like the cutest suspect under interrogation, this baby says no to everything mom and dad suggest. That's the best defense in the book: deny, deny, deny.

Newsweek, which traditionally (dentist's office joke), has for the first time ever correctly identified an overarching trend in American society and formulated a reasonable response, unaccompanied by any special "The Historical Jesus" stories!

Mazel tov to Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman who at the spry age of 71 welcomed his second daughter, Renee Esther, into the world last Friday. Now, just who's the mother?

Now that everything else has failed for him, John McCain is crawling back to David Letterman to appear on the Late Show this Thursday, after weaseling out of an earlier appearance under the lie that he was needed in Washington to work on the Wall Street bailout. McCain's people are, well, stupid. If he'd appeared when he was supposed to, Letterman would have treated him to a gentle ribbing while the candidate tried to get his talking points out. Now that McCain has lied to the famously testy talk show host—and now that there are tons of new gaffes and missteps that simply didn't exist when he was originally supposed to appear—what can he expect? Slaughter. Letterman isn't some lovable funnyman. He practically invented the contemporary asshole while Seinfeld and Larry David were first working out their club routines. And when a guest pisses him off, he can turn serious and downright mean. Just last week, he was discussing the possibility of having McCain back on the program when he said, ""In an attempt to save his campaign, they're talking about coming back. So we said, sure, we'd love you to come back ... but they're being squirrely. Politicians can be squirrely. ... I just don't know if we can trust him." Previously, Letterman remarked, "This just in…a backwoods hiker has found the wreckage of John McCain's campaign." So if McCain actually does show up on Thursday (though there's no reason to believe he will; Joe Six-Pack Americans watch Leno, his staff may conclude) it's not likely to be a slightly awkward goof-down like we've seen McCain engage in on The Daily Show after he'd given up his last few beliefs to win the GOP nomination. With any luck, Letterman will simply demand over and over again that McCain explain himself, show him evidence of the fact that he totally lied, and belittle his non-role in that bailout plan that didn't work anyway. Hopefully, McCain will lose it in the face of repeated questioning by some mere celebrity that he publicly snubbed, unable to believe that Letterman won't just drop it and make with the funny already. And, hopefully, next Friday's news channels and papers will be full of John McCain—bitter, rigid, elitist, crybaby. [Washington Post]

John Edwards' former lover Rielle Hunter may be keeping mum while the former politician drags her name through the mud, but Rielle's kid sister, Melissa, is having none of it. She doesn't buy Edwards' claims that he isn't the father of Rielle's baby. She wants the man to take a paternity test. And she wants him to shut the f- up! "I wish that those involved would refrain from bad-mouthing my sister," she says. "In the first reaction from Hunter's family, her younger sister Melissa told ABC News that Edwards should immediately follow through on his pledge to take a paternity test. 'I would challenge him to do so,' the sister said. 'Somebody must stand up and defend my sister.'"

This just in:

A brand-new mom we know recently paid a visit to Upper Breast Side, which describes itself as "New York City's first breastfeeding boutique," and she filed this intriguing report: