Here's an encouraging statistic: even though law school graduates now have a much better chance of getting a job than they did just a few years ago, the most recent U.S. law school class is the smallest one in 40 years. Are kids actually getting smarter?
Not too long ago, any half-bright young Ivy League whelp with a taste for fluorescent lighting and endless drudgery could get an entry-level lawyer job in a big city for a fat salary. Sadly, it's not quite so easy any more.
The Los Angeles Times reports that Christopher Richard Garcia, a deputy city attorney for Los Angeles, was arrested Thursday on multiple charges of possessing and suspicion to distribute child pornography. He had reportedly been under investigation for a year.
Good news for law school graduates who have been doing "document review" in a windowless basement sweatshop for $25 an hour since they got their diploma in 2009: there may be some law firm jobs now! (Not for you, but for the kids).
Good news for beleaguered law students: it appears that law firm hiring is really picking up. In fact, it's almost back to where it was right before everything came crashing down.
In 2007, two corporate law firms merged to form Dewey & LeBoeuf, a massive global legal conglomerate that grandly collapsed in the wake of the recession. Would you believe it all started when one partner called his colleagues "fuckwad" and "little prick?"
Rented Lamborghini? Check. Overwhelming use of AutoTune? Check. LiveStrong bracelet? Check. Toronto's Mike Lickver, recent law school grad and current mergers and acquisitions, securities and corporate finance associate at Bennett Jones, may be North America's very best living example of That Guy.
As the entire legal profession has crumbled into little more than a white collar version of janitorial services, times have gotten tough—not just for recent law school grads, but for everyone unfortunate enough to work at a law firm. Naturally, the days of luxurious, opulent law firm offices are over. Uh... in favor of something better!
In case you've forgotten, let us take this opportunity to remind you: do not go to law school. Law school is worthless. Even more worthless than you think. Law school will not make you happy. The smart kids are not going to law school. You should not go to law school.
The classic corporate law firm business model involved hiring top law school grads and charging clients for their "work" these kids did, which involved learning how to be a lawyer, because of course recent law school grads are completely incompetent.
Though we are loath to continue pointing out the myriad ways in which the practice of law has become a degrading wallow in the depths of human desperation, we will simply note—for those of you keeping score in your law-school-graduation-present moleskines—that, thanks to a handy new website that allows you to order up a lawyer at any time of day or night, the legal profession has, at long last, become just as respectable as the fast food profession:
Life as an American attorney these days is little more than a steady progression of more and more degrading news stories about the ever-declining status of your job, and, by extension, the rapid downward spiral of your worth as a human being. When we last checked in on the unfortunate underemployed would-be litigators, they were getting their own formerly outsourced jobs backsourced to them, at a fraction of the pay.
Chin up, poor lawyers! The humble American attorney has had a hard go of it lately—it officially sucks to be a law student, a young lawyer, or, really, any lawyer, except for the super rich ones.
Preston Mitchum just graduated from North Carolina Central University's law school. He had the honor of giving a speech at graduation. Instead of writing his own speech, Preston decided to plagiarize the one above, that he found on YouTube.
Yes, we admit, there's been quite a bit of bad news recently for those ambitious young pups entering the field of law. Well, trying to enter the field, I guess. Buck up, underpaid young strivers: at least someone is successful in your field!
We've long known that the gap in wealth and earnings between the haves and the have-nots has the potential to undermine the very foundation of American society. We're referring, of course, exclusively to attorneys. The young bottom-of-the-food-chain document reviewers toiling for a meager pittance can scarcely behold the salaries of their superiors. And it's getting worse; the WSJ reports that "traditional notions of pay equity are falling by the wayside."
F. Lee Bailey—remember him? O.J. Simpson's defense attorney, yea! Well, big news: he says he has evidence that O.J. was innocent all along. He just didn't bring it out at the trial because it was too long.
[Paris Hilton's attorney couldn't keep his eyes to himself when the heiress appeared in a Las Vegas courtroom today. She pleaded guilty to cocaine possession and will serve a year of probation, but won't serve jail time. Image via AP]
It's rough out there for law school grads. Faced with loads of debt, a worthless degree, and few career prospects, some have already resorted to getting worthwhile jobs. Others have a better idea: complaining about it.
