• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and their boyfriends, Nate Lowman and Justin Bartha, had super evening out the other night. It involved steak, making out, tickling, and "chain-smoking cigarettes until after 4am." [P6]
• Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez aren't on the friendliest terms these days. Now things have turned frosty between their respective girlfriends, Minka Kelly and Kate Hudson. [P6]
• Heidi Pratt appears in the new issue of Playboy. But you won't find any nude pics of her in the magazine. She says she won't strip down completely until after she has a few "upgrades" performed by her plastic surgeon. [Us]
• Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. So who's the father? Either she's not saying because she plans to use the news to gin up ratings for her crappy reality show, or becaue she doesn't know herself. One or the other. [E!]

• Madonna is taking her kids on the best summer vacation ever later this month: She's thinking about taking them to visit Auschwitz, so "they can learn about mistakes made in the past." If that doesn't pan out, she could always just invite Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie over for a visit and teach them the same lesson, couldn't she? [YNET]
• Paula Abdul announced over Twitter last night that she's leaving American Idol. True? Was she just drinking again? We'll find out soon enough. [NYDN]
• Hopeless romantic Kelly Bensimon made a move on Gerard Butler the other night, but the actor didn't reciprocate. Try your best to empathize. [NYDN]
• Great news: Ratings for Jon & Kate Plus 8 have tanked since the show came back from hiatus. Say a little prayer that this continues. [Us]
• Nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards were announced yesterday; Beyoncé and Lady Gaga came out on top, each earning nine nods. [THR]

Gerard Butler rejects Kelly Bensimon, Adam Lambert's fans throw sex toys at him, Ashley Olsen is surprised she didn't end up like Britney, Ryan O'Neal gave his 11-year-old son cocaine, Joan Rivers hates Jon Gosselin and Madonna plagiarizes a poet.

• Christian Lacroix saved? Possibly! Although Lacroix is keeping mum, a bidder for the struggling fashion house may have emerged. [WWD, Reuters]
• More depressing news about the state of the retail: Manhattan's vacancy rate is 6.5% and rising. [NYT]
• Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen are on the list of the 31 new inductees into the Council of Fashion Designers of America. Like, congrats! [FWD, Cut]
• Hermès reports sales were up 12% during the second quarter. If you've continued to shop there despite the downturn, don't pat yourself on the back. Credit the strong sales of Kelly purses in Asia. [BN]
• It's bad news all around for fashion magazines this September. Ad pages in W are down 53% from last year; Allure has witnessed a 52% drop-off; Vogue is down 37%; and Elle has experienced a 21% decline. [AdAge]
• Rumor has it reality TV star/train wreck Susan Boyle is posing for a Harper's Bazaar photo shoot. The good news? She won't be on the cover. [DM]

Alessandra Ambrosio leaving Bar Pitti with daughter Anja Louise ... Penn Badgley talking on his cell phone in the Village ... Jessica Biel dropping off a package at a FedEx ... Beyonce leaving JFK ... Whitney Port eating lunch in the West Village ... Kathy Griffin leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Ashley Olsen walking downtown ... Heather Locklear arriving at JFK with boyfriend Jack Wagner ... Robert Pattinson getting in a taxi ... Kate Hudson leaving her West Village home with son Ryder ... Rihanna going to a Black Eyed Peas concert at The Griffin ... Alec Baldwin drinking coffee with a friend in Bridgehampton ... Sarah Jessica Parker eating breakfast at Morandi ... John Stamos wandering around ... Hugh Grant leaving a downtown restaurant with a "mystery woman" ... Jeff Goldblum and Rachel McAdams hanging out on the set of Morning Glory ... Gerard Butler walking around ... Nick Jonas arriving at LaGuardia ... and Jessica Simpson going to dinner at La Esquina.

• Last week Bette Midler was handing out dating tips to Jennifer Aniston. This week she's rolling with 50 Cent. Not only have the two become "unlikely best friends," but Bette says 50 has "really made my life worth living," and has been by her side "through thick and thin." She'd even like to sing backup on one of his new songs, too. Also? She's totally lost it, clearly. [NYDN]
• Speaking of Aniston, she's supposedly taking a little break right now due to "exhaustion." [Sun]
• The woman accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen says her ex made the whole thing up so he'd get "big money" from the singer to stay quiet. [People]
• Hilary Rhoda is reportedly dating Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. [P6]
• Amy Winehouse was reportedly hospitalized for the third time in as many months on Tuesday, although she's since been released. [Mirror]

• Cynthia Nixon and longtime girlfriend Christine Marinoni have gotten engaged. The couple announced the news at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally over the weekend. [OK!, ET]
• Mariah Carey reportedly threw a fit in Cannes on Friday evening when the director of her new movie had the audacity to show up late to the premiere, thus denying her precious time on the red carpet. [NYDN]
• Also in Cannes: Giuseppe Cipriani was seen making out with Tara Reid; and Kirsten Dunst missed the party she was supposed to be hosting because she missed her flight. [NYDN, Mirror]
• Kelly Bensimon is telling friends she regrets joining the Real Housewives cast since appearing on the show has "ruined her socially." [P6]
• Brooke Shields says her mother was checked out of her nursing home last week by a National Enquirer reporter looking for a scoop. [People]

Celebrity stylist Harry Josh and nightlife kingpin Nur Khan hosted "Spring Fling" at the Gramercy Park Hotel on Saturday night. A bevy of celebs and social scenesters turned up for the fête, including Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Naomi Campbell, Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady, Kate Hudson and mom Goldie Hawn, Ed Norton, Ashley Olsen, Spike Lee, Winona Ryder, Liv Tyler, Phillip Lim, Narciso Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Karolina Kurkova, Georgina Chapman, Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman, Kate Bosworth and James Rousseau, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Josh Hartnett, Daria Werbowy, Lily Donaldson, Molly Sims, Hamish Bowles, January Jones, Richie Akiva, Peter Som, Richard Chai, Christian Siriano, Cherry Jones, Jason Sudeikis, Guy Oseary, Lake Bell, Brian Atwood, Zoe Kravitz, and Quincy Jones. [PMc, VF, FWD]

• A preview of what's planned for Milan Fashion Week. [Vogue UK]
• Roberto Cavalli isn't the only designer in Milan grappling with the gloomy economy: The parent of Gianfranco Ferré is now bankrupt, and some Italian designers are hoping for a government bailout. [NYT, NYM, Telegraph]
• You won't find too many Americans shopping in Milan these days thanks to the economy and dollar. Ukrainians, however, are everywhere. [IHT]
• What recession? The champagne flowed in London this week. [Fashionista]
• Michelle Obama debuted a new hairdo last night! [NYM]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have a new men's line in the works. [WWD]
• Fashion's "10 most controversial obsessions." [Pipeline]

Rachel Bilson shopping on the Lower East Side ... Kate Beckinsale talking to David Spade outside her hotel ... Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shopping at Barneys ... Katie Holmes carrying coffee on a walk downtown ... William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman walking on Madison after leaving lunch at Nello's ... Kirsten Dunst hailing a cab ... Justin Timberlake leaving an office building ... Nicole Richie carrying her baby Harlow around Chelsea Piers ... Claire Danes holding hands with Selma Blair on Bank Street ... Agyness Deyn walking with a friend downtown ... Angelina Jolie waving to photographers outside an apartment building ... Paris Hilton going to dinner at La Esquina ... and Ally and Tommy Hilfiger leaving the Waverly Inn.

Barack Obama's people might throw East Coast media elite parties at the Four Seasons, but they totally make up for it with that penny-pinching cabinet member from Kansas.

• Bruce Wasserstein has been keeping busy. In between splitting up with his third wife and marrying his fourth, he found the time to have a baby with a recent Columbia Business School grad, with whom he's now sharing custody of a 10-month-old girl. [P6]
• The LAPD have launched an investigation into who leaked a confidential photo of a battered and bruised Rihanna to TMZ. [TMZ, E!]
• Whitney Port said this week that Olivia Palermo can be "very difficult to worth with," and that she occasionally wants to "slap her." Join the club. [AH]
• Madonna is reportedly planning to use the Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday to introduce Jesus Luz to the world as her new boyfriend. [OK!]
• Portia De Rossi is reportedly preparing to undergo IVF so she and Ellen DeGeneres can have a baby. [SFGate]

Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo carrying grocery bags on Madison Avenue ... Woody Allen attending last night's Knicks game ... Hugh Jackman getting into a car outside his Perry Street apartment building ... Chanel Iman arriving at JFK ... Spike Lee walking on Central Park South ... Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen going to lunch at Soho House ... Kirsten Dunst crossing the street in Tribeca ... Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda walking in Brooklyn ... Julianne Moore hailing a cab in the meatpacking district ... Josh Hartnett jogging downtown ... Rachel McAdams dressed up on the Sherlock Holmes set in Brooklyn ... Joan Cusack walking into a hotel on Central Park South ... Edie Falco pushing daughter Macy in a stroller at JFK ... Slumdog Millionaire star Freida Pinto shopping at Fred Leighton on Madison Avenue ... and Kate Winslet leaving her apartment in Chelsea.

Violating an unspoken Hollywood rule of engagement—no matter how undeserving or mink-clad you might deem them to be, you never, ever scribble indelible unpleasantries on a celebrity's Walk of Fame star—an unseen hand has written "FUR HAGS" beneath the names of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. An Olsen fan site attributes the defacing to PETA, who've pulled a similar stunt in the past on Sharon Stone's star—but word on the street has it that local hot-headed reactionary Chewbacca was spotted fleeing the scene with a Sharpie clenched in one paw, shouting, "MRrraaawwwwahhwwgrrrraah," which translates to, "You have the blood of a thousand Wookies on your hands, you unfeeling, stole-wrapped, two-headed Olsen monster!"

Olsen twins' new career: judging drag queens on cable. [NYDN]

Sean Penn could woo Lindsay Lohan with an Oscar invite and Graydon Carter can woo a Waverly Inn neighbor with a spot in Vanity Fair and museums can. Seduction is everywhere.

• Did Lindsay Lohan split up with Samantha Ronson? Is she now in "complete denial" about it? And what's going on with her and Sean Penn? All good questions! [P6]
• Graydon Carter's plan to win over neighborhood critics of the Waverly has been revealed: He gives them tables at the restaurant and puts their pictures in Vanity Fair and, sure enough, his foes magically turn into friends. [P6]
• On the View yesterday, Tom Cruise described the death of Jett Travolta as "horrific," but said that Scientology had absolutely nothing to do with it. You've been warned, people. [People]
• Remember Lisa Bonet? Well, she just had a baby girl who she named Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Yes, she stole the name you were planning to use. [NYDN]

12/24 — An OLSEN at the cafe next to American Rag... and she was eating!! She looked great and was shoveling food in her mouth like the rest of us commoners. ["An Olsen?" Who can be more specific? Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Marie Claire just wanted to wish everyone a "sparkling, joyful and warm holiday," but the magazine's flack forgot to Bcc, exposing precious celebrity email addresses to 582 people. Christmas is ruined!

Keri Russell shopping for home furnishings in the East Village ... Peter Dinklage walking downtown... Michelle Williams crossing a Midtown parking lot, coffee cup in hand ... John Mayer arriving at JFK ... Sean Lennon walking in the East Village ... Gretchen Mol playing with her son on the set of her new movie in the East Village ... Pete Wentz heading into an appearance at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square ... Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Suri leaving dinner at P.J. Clarke's on West 63rd Street ... and Ashley Olsen walking downtown in sneakers.