Well, well. Liberals and lefties try to claim President Obama's far more progressive than George W. Bush. That may not entirely be the case, because, unlike Bush, Obama can't bring himself to meet with the Dalai Lama...

Be careful what you twit for, because your 140 characters could land you in the slammer. Just ask Elliot Madison.

We're taught to shoot for the stars, to be ambitious. Well screw that, because, as swindler Marc Dreier demonstrates, no matter how hard you try to be the best, someone will always be better.

Time for an update on the case of Hiram Monserrate, alleged girlfriend face-slasher and one of New York's three very most objectionable political figures! Having his slash-vic on his side in court is really helping him out. Love—it's crazy.

Elizabeth Edwards may have given up on her marriage. Paris Jackson knows who killed her father. Liz Taylor once tried suicide. And Palin could be trying her hand at beauty. Good morning, sunshine! Here's your Thursday morning gossip roundup!

Today's the glorious 60th anniversary of China's rebirth as a communist nation. And, as it does, the government pulled out all the predictable, synchronized stops to celebrate. Yawn. We've seen it all before. Let's take an excessively red-blooded American look.

Well look at this! We were totally right — it happens sometimes — and conservatives are firing up their attacks on Kevin Jennings, the nation's gay "safe school czar." And they're using terms like "statutory rape." How timely!

Ken Lewis was once a whiz banker who helped build Bank of America into a titan. Then he organized that Merrill Lynch deal, things went south and now he's resigning. But his woes continue.

Actor Dennis Hopper, 73, was taken to a Manhattan hospital this afternoon while wearing an oxygen mask. His publicist blames a stomach bug, which must be pretty serious: he's won't be making Crash-promoting media appearances this week. [Post-Intelligencer]

Keith Olbermann has worked 13 days this month, leaving Countdown to be guest-hosted by Lawrence O'Donnell or David Shuster on eight nonconsecutive nights. This is after a two-and-a-half week vacation in July. He's back tonight, and MSNBC says he'll explain.

Some ignorant folk don't think "public speaker" Sarah Palin deserves her outlandishly steep paycheck. Eddie Furlong's hitting the coke pipe. And Penelope Cruz enjoys kissing both Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson. It's your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!

In their prime, National Football League players are hailed as athletic heroes. Then the cruel hand of time turns glory into cerebral disintegration. And the League just shrugs in confusion.

This is too bad: at least 34 people are dead after an 8.0 underwater earthquake spawned monstrous waves that struck Samoa and American Samoa. Hawaii's shitting its pants because authorities worry water will head their way. We would, too. [MSNBC]

Did you know that crooked financier and voodoo priest Allen Stanford used to run a bodybuilding gym? It's true! Didn't stop him from getting his ass whupped in jail. But there's a bright side.

Video games sure have come a long way since Atari. There's now a game called Virtual Iraq, which could help shell-shocked soldiers overcome post-traumatic stress disorder. Because nothing says "therapy" like "virtual reenactment of horrific proportions." [Crispy Gamer]

Derrion Albert, Chicago-based 16-year old who attended Bible Class every week, was beaten to death on September 24. A bystander's video captured the truly horrific ordeal. Four alleged attackers are now being charged as adults. And we have some questions.

Anne Morell Petrillo, 38 year-old heiress to the Scripps newspaper fortune, jumped to her death off the Tappan Zee bridge last week. Trauma from a bad marriage and her mom's brutal murder? Perhaps. But the NYT has an additional theory:

So, Michael Moore has been making the media rounds to promote his latest project, Capitalism: A Love Story. The film, we're sure, will be enlightening, but, as happens with all things Moore, may be overshadowed by the man himself.

We all know that texting while driving kills the world, but that means nothing to truckers: they're fighting prohibitive legislation because it will cost them money to pull over and check on-board computers. And because they like being fringe. [NYT]

Two things are of utmost importance when playing international politics: timing and media manipulation. Crazy old Iran proves adept at both.