North Korea says it will pummel the South under "a merciless shower of fire" unless the "arch-criminal" U.S. and South Korea call off war games scheduled for today in disputed waters off the west coast of the peninsula. [WaPo]

Peru's jovial but hugely unpopular president, Alan Garcia has come up with a great excuse for his 34 percent approval rating, saying Peruvians are "sad, distrustful ... we have a natural lack of trust." That, or he's a shitty president?

[Newlyweds dance at the feet of an Atlas statue outside the State Hermitage museum in St. Petersburg, Russia today. Image via AP]

Brazilian security forces for the last week have been battling Rio de Janeiro's notorious drug gangs and have issued an ultimatum for gang members holed up in the Alemao favela to surrender. At least 35 people have died so far.

A 44-pound cat who was abandoned by his family following a home foreclosure, Prince Chunk, has died. One pound shy of a world record, Prince Chunk became a national celebrity two years ago, appearing on talk shows and magazine covers.

Saddam Hussein's 269-foot yacht, Basra Breeze, which has been on the lam since the 1980s, is back in Iraq. Now the country's transportation minister, who enjoys using Saddam's toilet and sleeping in his bed, wants to make it a museum.

Scammers are targeting Facebook's new messaging system. I got my Facebook email account last Thursday. On Tuesday I received notice that I'd won 950,000 South African Rand in a contest held by the South African branch of Shell Petroleum.

President Obama apparently took an elbow to the face during his basketball game today and was left needing 12 stitches for his lip. Can't wait for this to be used as a clunky metaphor in Op-Ed pages across the country!

[High tides in Venice forced the city to place raised sidewalks across St. Mark's Square. Photo via AP.]

Document-sharing website Wikileaks is preparing to release a trove of damaging diplomatic cables from the U.S. State Department. So the U.S. is calling all its friends to warn them. They're going to be in so much trouble!

[A group of travelers, some looking happier than others, waiting for a bus out of New York's Herald Square today, the busiest travel day of the year. Safe travels, everyone! Image via AP]

Former House majority leader Tom DeLay, once one of the most powerful Republicans in Congress, has been convicted of money laundering and conspiracy for illegally funneling campaign contributions to fellow Texas Republicans. He faces up to life in prison.

Even though Senate Republicans only banned earmarks in a non-binding caucus pledge, you'd think they could've waited longer than three days to break it, right? And yet here comes $200 million for you, Arizona, thanks to Sen. Jon Kyl!

[Barack Obama lets "Apple" off the hook at this morning's White House turkey pardon, a silly annual photo-op that every investigative reporter in Washington D.C. covers thoroughly. George W. Bush was so much better at these. Image via AP.]

A United Nations official said the cholera outbreak in Haiti could spread to 200,000 people within the next three months, and that some 2,000 people had already died: "This epidemic is moving faster. It's going to spread." [Reuters]

The Israeli Army has a new plan for catching draft dodgers who claim to be Orthodox Jews to get out of compulsory military service: Check Facebook and see if they're going out on Friday nights.

[Kim Kardashian helped open the Charmin bathroom in Times Square today, so fat tourists will all have a place to tinkle as they do their Christmas consuming. This is the pinnacle of American kulture. Image via AP]

The many incoming Republican members of Congress are still enjoying Freshmen orientation: Boring lectures by day, secret Boehner orgies by night. But are these sore, hungover noobs even learning anything? Yes! It's all found in Eric Cantor's Official Freshmen Guide.

In your traditional Tuesday media column: a new racket for News Corp, a new editor at Men's Journal, a new features editor at the NY Daily News, a new name for Medill J-school

With the Bedbug Apocalypse upon us, inspectors from the NYC housing authority want to buy bedbug-sniffing dogs, according to the Daily News: "It's something we've been looking at as we've seen the violations increase." Too bad they don't really work!