Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin, the Army doctor who refused to deploy to Afghanistan over doubts that commander-in-chief Barack Obama was born in the United States, was sentenced to six months in military prison today. Martyr! But no, not really.

Julian Assange, the founder of the world's most notorious secret-sharing operation, has some embarrassing documents in his own past. We've obtained a series of emails detailing his stalkery courtship of a teenager in his pre-Wikileaks days.

Now that the House has passed a stand-alone version of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" repeal, the only question remaining is how the Senate will screw this up. The votes are there! Right there! Don't go murmuring about "time" restraints!

An activist for a sub-group of the anti-gay National Organization for Marriage is speaking out against the rainbow as a symbol for gay rights. "We are the real rainbow coalition. The gay lobby does not own the rainbow," she said.

Bell, California is not just the Most Corrupt Town in America; it's also one of the poorest towns in L.A. County. Which makes it all the more fucked up that officials were extorting regular working people with bogus "code violations."

[A diver dressed as Santa Claus feeds the fish at the Sea Life aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany, today. Image via AP]

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson arrived in North Korea today to "lessen tensions" on the peninsula. Also today, South Korea said it would resume live fire drills on the island that North Korea shelled last month. Brilliant idea, South Korea!

Prince Jefri Bolkiah of Brunei — who commissioned life-sized statues of himself and his fiancée having sex — lost his otherwise boring, multi-million dollar court battle against two former lawyers in New York yesterday. At least he's got the statues.

[Mythical acting beings Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attended the premiere of Jolie's new movie, The Tourist, which is about a tourist. Photo via AP.]

Authorities have confirmed that all four bodies found on a Long Island beach over the weekend are female, meaning that, yes, there's a good chance we're looking at the work of a serial killer.

A mother in Sacramento is suing McDonald's for enticing kids with Happy Meals. She claims giving fun toys with meals is "deceptive to children," since they aren't smart enough to realize Happy Meals are little boxes of death.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has finally issued an outright ban on drop-side cribs, which have a habit of malfunctioning and trapping infants. Only 32 kids had to die over the last decade! Downside: More reaching for parents.

Hashim Thaçi, the prime minister of Kosovo, runs a criminal gang that "smuggl[es]weapons, drugs and human organs through eastern Europe," according to a forthcoming report from the Council of Europe.

Accused of raping starlets, movie composer Joseph Brooks appeared in court today, four days after his son appeared in the same courthouse for attempted murder. Just like in the movies, the bailiffs broke into song: "It's a family affa-a-air." [NYDN]

Because Swiss bankers are such notorious slobs, always showing up at work in old Metallica t-shirts and unwashed tighty-whiteys, UBS has issued its staff a 43-page (or possibly 52-page) dress code, covering them from fingernails to unmentionables.

Awful New York state senator Pedro Espada, known for suckling shamelessly at the public teat, has been indicted (along with his son) for embezzling brazenly from a health care network he controlled. An example, you ask?

Bernie Madoff's son Mark, who hanged himself last weekend on the second anniversary of his father's arrest, will be cremated, according to the Post. The family has decided not to hold a funeral service. [NYP]

[After Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi won a vote of confidence in the Italian parliament, protestors—and police, like the gun-holding gentleman in this picture—took to the streets. Photo via AP.]

It sure is fun to make fat jokes about New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, a.k.a. Governor Sandwiches. We're only saying it because it's true, okay? But Fox News' Neil Cavuto disagrees! According to him, it's racist to make such jokes.

Tea Party Caucus founder Rep. Michele Bachmann has been planning a weekly course on the Constitution for new members of Congress, many of whom ran on their rich constitutional knowledge. And her first guest professor? Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.