Borders filed its long-expected bankruptcy yesterday. Hundreds of its stores will be closing in the next few weeks. Besides Borders employees, two other groups are worried: book publishers, and mall owners.

Why are Republicans having such a hard time finding a decent presidential candidate to crush all the others? It shouldn't be that hard. You only need one, and it's a country of 309 million people. The sitting president is vulnerable, too. That's an incentive to pluck some generic governor who doesn't say insane things all the time! And yet we still have this weak GOP field, where so many candidates have major flaws and aren't really loved by anyone, especially their mothers.

We were told ahead of time that "colorful events will take place" for Dear Leader Kim Jong-il's birthday on Wednesday, but we could have never guessed just how awe inspiring the celebration of his 69th year of life would be. According to the Korean Central News Agency, a "mysterious natural wonder" took place above Kim's magical mountain birthplace, Mount Paektu:

CIA director Leon Panetta said that if the agency does catch Osama bin Laden or Ayman al-Zawahiri (ha, good one) — he'd send their asses straight to Guantanamo Bay: "We would probably move them quickly into military jurisdiction [...] then eventually move them probably to Guantanamo." Good luck with all that.

The Russian space programs ground specialists may soon have uniforms designed by Anna Chapman, the sexiest—and therefore the best—of the 10 Russian spies arrested and deported last year. Or at least, funded by her—details, like Chapman herself, are sketchy—according to astronaut Sergei Krikalev:

Today we saw video of thousands of state workers in Wisconsin protesting their fabulous new governor's fabulous idea to ban collective bargaining for state employees. What's the big deal? One commenter explains.

Michael Kelly was killed in a Humvee accident in Iraq. Bob Woodruff was blown up by an I.E.D. Damn near every reporter covering the Egyptian revolution was assaulted one way or another, including Lara Logan, in the most awful possible way. Hundreds of reporters around the world are attacked every year on the job. Is that a necessity?

Former South Carolina Senate candidate Alvin Greene lost another election last night. He came in with 9%—or 37 total votes—in a state House primary. Maybe now it's time to visit a psychiatrist?

Turns out the Nazis were watching 3-D movies years before Americans were. According to the Guardian, Australian filmmaker Philippe Mora recently uncovered two 3-D propaganda films that date to 1936:

Chicago's likely new mayor, former White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, is well aware of his Twitter impersonator, MayorEmanuel, and wants to know the motherfucker's real identity. And he'll pay to find out.

Former senator and likely presidential candidate Rick Santorum has finally acknowledged his "Google problem," and the fact that there's nothing he can do about it.

Do you know how sometimes you go to buy a pack of gum or some spoons or a pack of washcloths and the person at the register demands that you tell them your ZIP code, in order to be granted the right to hand over money for your purchase? And you're like "Buh? That is so exploitative. Well whatever, I really need these spoons." Yes, well, last week that practice was ruled illegal by the Supreme Court of California. And already, "More than a dozen new lawsuits have been filed against major chains that do business in California, including Wal-Mart Stores Inc., Bed Bath & Beyond Inc., Crate & Barrel and Victoria's Secret" over their ZIP Code-asking ways.

The good news is that Anthony Graves was released from prison back in October after serving eighteen years on death row for a murder that prosecutors now say he had nothing to do with. Charges dropped, man freed, name cleared. Good things! The bad news is that Graves is now rightly seeking some financial compensation for the nearly two decades he spent in the Texas hoosegow, but the state comptroller's office is telling him and his lawyers no, because of a technicality.

As expected, second-tier book chain Borders filed for bankruptcy today, after a last-ditch effort at a lifesaving loan failed. The company now says it will be closing 30% of its stores—nearly 200 locations—over the next several weeks. But...but what about my gift card?

Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi told reporters today that he's "not worried in the least" about going on trial for allegedly having sex with a teenage girl, Karima El Mahroug. He added, "For love of country I won't talk about it."

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il turns 69 today—that is, it is the 69th anniversary of his glorious birth on sacred Baekdu Mountain. What kind of events will take place? "Colorful events will take place," Korean News Service helpfully informs the curious. And that's not all!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Grand Champion Foxcliffe Hickory Wind, "Best in Show" at the 135th annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show! Grand Champion Foxcliffe Hickory Wind—known popularly as "Hickory," though why you wouldn't want to say the whole thing any chance you get is beyond us—is a Scottish Deerhound, and has won 14 other "Best in Show" titles, making her a very good dog, yes she is, isn't she a good dog. She beat out several other dogs for the title, including one named "Mr. Baggins." [NYT; image via AP]

Not everyone was invited to New York Fashion Week, so here's a little look at what you commoners missed today. Above: Things got electric at the Rodarte show this morning. [Image via AP]

Public Policy Polling finds that 51 percent of Republican primary voters nationwide think President Obama wasn't born in the United States. Maybe some just responded that way for fun. But 51 percent is... a lot of percent.

Rafid Ahmed Alwan al-Janabi, an Iraqi defector under Saddam Hussein whose claims about the former dictator's mobile biological weapons programs were used heavily in the Bush Administration's public case for war, has an interesting story to tell everyone. The source, who, under the alias "Curveball" in intelligence reports, provided a foundation for Secretary of State Colin Powell's famous speech to the United Nations a month before the Iraq invasion, admits that he just made it up to get Hussein out of power.