An apparently long running dispute between China and Nepal over the exact height of Mount Everest should be put to rest, after Nepalese officials said they would measure the mountain using GPS. Today, Nepal and China both recognize a height of 8,848 meters — but in recent border talks China has used the rock height of Mount Everest, while Nepal wants to recognize the snow height, which is about meters higher. Global positioning systems will be set up at three separate locations, but it will be two years before the official height is measured.

Man, was that a gas or what? Two-plus hours of doddering and selective senility, with a surprise splosh party and French manicure attack thrown in for good measure! One day, we'll have a better understanding of what the Murdochian Inquisition meant in the grand scheme of things; but for now, let's just take a moment to savor the bounty of fresh memes it's produced. These memes to us be blessed, amen.

No one is safe from phone hacking these days, not even the mouthpiece of one-eyed, bearded bogeyman Mullah Omar. The following message was sent out early today from the phone of a Taliban spokesman, Zabihullah Mujahid:

Before it was "Twitter" or even "twttr," America's favorite microblogging service had two other, absolutely terrible names. Crackhead names.

A couple of months ago, the Senate's bipartisan "Gang of Six" that was formed to broker a passable deficit-reduction deal broke apart, after some members realized that six senators cannot simply craft their own deal in private and expect everyone in Congress to pass it. But as of today, the Gang has reformed, with President Obama's blessing! And they have a plan, which still may or may not pass the House of Representatives.

Due to some mystifying computer error, the computer programmer who told police that a comically evil Casey Anthony googled "chloroform" 84 times now says she only googled it once. John Bradley also says he alerted the authorities to the staggering error, but they went ahead and pretended Casey (or whoever was using her computer) was obsessed with chloroform, anyway.

America's favorite presidential candidate, Michele Bachmann, is the subject of what appears to be a hit piece today! Various former aides tell the Daily Caller that she suffers from "stress-induced medical episodes" that we on Planet Earth know as "migraines." But not just any migraines! Destructive, hospitalizing migraines that occur about once a week and can leave her "incapacitated" for days at a time. Ouch! Sounds miserable. But should it matter, for our electoral purposes?

News Corporation CEO Rupert Murdoch arrived a few hours early at the Houses of Parliament to face questioning over his tabloid phone-hacking scandal, but his driver quickly drive off after being mobbed by photographers. In one of the pictures we're not so sure he's even alive. Have a quick look while you gear up for today's main event.

Football brain! Marijuana narcs! Mosquito booze! Grandparents driving! Children sleeping! Teens drinking! Pediatricians lecturing! Big forks! And killer homemade drinks that kill! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no-nonsensically!

And now it's done: after teetering on the edge of oblivion for months, once-mighty book chain Borders has announced that it is liquidating.

Former Louisiana Gov. Buddy Roemer will officially declare his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination on Thursday, from New Hampshire. He raised a whopping $41,000 last quarter! He is not expected to win anything, ever.

Remember Rachelle Friedman, the aerobics instructor whose bridesmaids pushed her into a swimming pool, resulting in paralysis and an inability to marry, lest her fiance's income push her over the limit for Medicaid? After a year of physical therapy and a series of charitable donations, she is finally getting married. The AP reports:

President Obama broke some news this weekend, while he and the fam were watching ladies' soccer games. He chose to nominate Richard Cordray, a former Ohio attorney general, to be the first director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that was created in last year's Dodd-Frank financial reform bill. But the interesting thing about this Cordray fellow is that his name isn't "Elizabeth Warren." What gives?

The media hysteria surrounding convicted-by-cable television personality Casey Anthony isn't going away anytime soon: Who is sheltering her? Will she write a book? When does her TV special air? These are all very important questions for a public that demands justice. And while reporters stalk her every move, the experts are coming out to suggest some very ingenious ways for Anthony to handle her new found freedom. One PR consultant went out on a limb, telling the Boston Herald that "she should definitely go underground for awhile." And Greg John, chairman of KHJ Brand Activation told the paper that the Casey Anthony brand is going to be a tough sell to the American public: "Reality is perception, and 90 percent of the people in this country think she is guilty. The best thing for her to do is lay low and have everyone forget."

Yesterday, the Egyptian government fired the man widely credited with discovering long lost treasures of the ancient Egyptian world that had already been discovered by real archaeologists, when they let Minister of Antiquities Zahi Hawass go. Poor guy.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. From Kim Kardashian in Los Angeles to Kelly Osbourne in London to the Harry Potter stars in New York, here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

The Summer of Babies continues! Today Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner said howdy to their brand-new daughter. No name yet (maybe Donaldeena?). Obvs Ivanka's the ultimate glamour-mom, but will Jared make a dutiful dad? Hmmm. [Image via AP]

Earlier this year, after the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami devastated much of Japan, various "patriots," ahem, claimed via Facebook and Twitter that the disaster was "karmic payback" for the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Apparently their work making America look terrible wasn't finished!

Even though North Dakota's prone to disastrous floods and blizzards and maybe not even a real state, and even though a college degree is possibly worthless in today's jobless job market, lots of Ameri-teens are going to college in North Dakota anyhow. It's so cheap!

The world is tuning in with disbelief at House Republicans, who are still preparing to blow up everyone's precious global economy. House Republicans, meanwhile, are passing around a dumb blog post from RedState's Erick Erickson outlining supposedly good reasons for causing a Depression! Good heavens.