The deadly Mexican Pig Influenza Pandemic— remember that?—yes, that. Well, it's over. FYI. It's "run its course," according to the World Health Organization. Did you survive? Cool. Ditto. I think we called this one accurately way back when. [LAT]

Remember H1N1? It was like this new cancer or something. Apparently people were worried about it? Well, the thing is still out there, and cases are spiking in southern states. Oh well, not much we can do about it. [CNN]

Kindly Kellogg marketers have agreed to take the big huge banner that says "Helps your child's IMMUNITY" off boxes of Cocoa Krispies, but that doesn't mean that Cocoa Krispies is not basically superhealthy vitamins, for your family!

If you were planning on taking a feline friend to Des Moines on a sightseeing trip to see whatever the hell is in Des Moines, stop. Cats (well cat, singular actually) there are being struck by the vicious porcine plague.

According to the Times, a new CDC study says between 1.8 million and 5.7 million people were infected with swine flu this past spring. Quick: We must travel back in time and warn the past that they weren't panicking enough.

The deadly Mexican Pig Flu's dirtiest deed yet: Coming between you and the literal body and blood of Christ. You will pay dearly for this, heathen microbe.

The good news: one shot of tasty swine flu vaccine is all it will take to save you from the dreaded pig virus this year! The bad news: All the medicine is going to special interests.

Back in 1918, when a flu epidemic brought America to its knees, there weren't many innovations in the way of germ-fighting tactics. Well, this is the 21st century, which means there are plenty of new, inventive ways to encourage prevention.

Like the Costa Rican president before him, Colombian president Alvaro Uribe has the fearsome swine flu. He came down with the symptoms during a meeting with regional leaders. Ha! And they're worried about the American military? [WaPo]

Right this very minute, trillions of deadly Mexican Pig Flu microbes are just cold chillin' in nooks and crannies somewhere, waiting for the fall flu season, when they will emerge and strike nearly 100,000 Americans dead. Say scientists!

The President of Costa Rica has swine flu. He vows to "carry out my work by telecommuting"—presumably from the Conde Nast building, which is the Pig Flu World Headquarters. His nation's only hope now: Flying Rabbis.

In a clear act of porcine aggression against our nation's geographers, the dreaded Mexican Pig Flu has struck the National Geographic Society. We have the memo.

The dreaded Mexican Pig Flu will be back. Oh yes. Of that, there is no question. A few months from now, you will wake up to hear daily Swine Flu Reports sandwiched between weather and traffic. Not a joke!

In an apparent move to rip off some of Conde Nast's disease-ridden glamor, the Washington Post told employees yesterday that three cases of the dreaded Mexican Pig Flu have been found at headquarters. Full memo below, via Michael Calderone at Politico:

Stop laughing at swine flu right this instant: the World Health Organization has just declared the first global flu pandemic in 41 years, meaning we're all just one mutation away from devastation:

Are you a resident of New York City? If you answered 'yes,' have you passed away in the last two months? Surely you have. Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people have swine flu!

It's spreading. Earlier this month, Vogue was infected with the deadly Mexican Pig Flu. Did you imagine that they could contain it? They could not.

In a move destined to improve US/China relations for years to come, the Chinese have quarantined woefully inept New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin after a passenger on his flight overseas showed symptoms of the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu.

Two more New Yorkers with swine flu have died. Why isn't there a fresh round of PANIC? Because it looks like the worst is over. And we're not all dead!

Horace Mann, New York's most Gossip Girl-esque private school, is closing due to SWINE FLU fears. If there's one way to revive the city's panic, it's getting private school parents involved! Update: Read the memo.