An unemployed woman in Colorado Springs spent $1,200 on 10 bus bench ads heralding Christ's return on May 21, 2011. "There are things... I always wanted to do," she said. "But it's not about what I want." [Gazette]

So, Western Civilization: it will collapse, soon. Every Wall Street computer will blow up and we'll all be killing each other over the remaining KFC buckets. Fortunately, our leaders in Washington are storing more seeds in the Arctic seed vault!

Cruise missiles aboard submarines Dolphin, Tekuma and Leviathan can, according to an Israeli Naval official quoted in the Times of London, "reach any target in Iran." Iran is widely believed to be working towards its own nuclear weapon. Gulp. [Times]

Oil leaks, terror attacks, earthquakes, volcanic ash: It's no wonder you're feeling antsy, can't sleep, and every time a loud bang goes off your heart starts racing. We asked two psychiatrists which drugs to take best ease the psychic pain.

Dengue Fever — the Outbreak-esque disease that can liquefy organs — has been diagnosed in dozens of people in Florida. "Infectious disease experts say it could spread to other parts of the US." [Crain's]

Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek has a new book, End Times, out later this month which analyzes the end of the world as we know it. And, quite appropriately, there's a section on Sarah Palin.

The Large Hadron Collider Doomsday Machine was ready to shock the world today with a huge explosion that normal people cannot understand. But it failed. The Guardian's live blogger was disappointed. Update: It worked! But we're still alive.

A hero legislator in Virginia's House of Delegates sponsored a bill that finally bans the practice of forcibly implanting microchips in humans. Delegate Mark Cole (R-Fredericksburg) is not some mere privacy advocate: he is saving us from the antichrist.

The Way We Live Now: Fleeing the crumbling aftermath of a disaster-stricken hellscape. Having taken in the stark, hopeless, post-apocalyptic nature of their once-thriving home, citizens are getting out however they can. (Manhattanites, we mean.)

Just another thirty feet across, and it would have been a weapon of mass destruction, that petit meteor that recently exploded in the skies above Indonesia. This is why Barack Obama must build us a force field, against heavenly apocalypse.

Pieces are falling off a building on Broadway and Houston St. What up today, NYC?

Clearly, the online ad market is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. Old Testament, wrath of God type stuff: Dogster and LOLcats-based I Can Has Cheezburger are now selling ads together, per a new agreement. Next up: Mass hysteria.

In a clear act of porcine aggression against our nation's geographers, the dreaded Mexican Pig Flu has struck the National Geographic Society. We have the memo.

Basil Wolverton was a devout Christian, an apocalypse aficionado, and MAD magazine's most prominent creator of 1950s grotesquerie. And—now—a fine artist.

Run for your lives, Silicon Valley's terrifying nightlife is upon us! Any minute now, Twitter plans to start the party by assigning an extra-large numeric ID to a tweet, thus breaking various Twitter programs. Then Facebook makes its move.

How distorted is Twitter's view of the world? That question is neatly answered by Topsy, a new search engine that's like Google, except sorted by the attention-deficit-disorder sufferers who live on Twitter.

Is it any wonder that fewer Americans declare themselves "religious" when the chimps are stockpiling weapons?

Whenever you think it's about as bad as it can get, it gets worse. The Dow finished the trading day at 6,763, its lowest level since 1997. How low can it go?

Gloomy economic party-haver and enthusiastic Facebook user Nouriel Roubini is in Davos, working hard to bring our own fameball Photoshop works to life. [His panel was aptly named "What Went Wrong"]

Wacky—and maybe financially beneficial—blast from the past: one anonymous nut on a Google Finance message board correctly predicted the day of the crash of 2008. Now that dude has another prediction, exclusively for you!