In 2007 Rolling Stone published a devastating investigative piece on pig factory farms in the United States that made Upton Sinclair's The Jungle look like a pamphlet for Omaha Steaks. How devastating? Since reading it I am still barely able to consume pork products unless they're on some Williamsburg/Portlandia tip where the waiter is like, "This bacon comes from a pig named Steve that was raised on a farm one hour outside of Albany and fed on a diet of organic Georgia green grass." Unless I'm drunk or hungover, in which case I'll eat the dirtiest of dirty bodega bacon.

"What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?" Yahoo News asked today. Intrigued by this mysterious world without cats (What would we put bread on?) I clicked the link and found myself at Life's Little Mysteries, a LiveScience sister site dedicated to answering search-engine optimized questions of childlike wonderment like "Why are there holes in 'Swiss' cheese?" and "Who Will Succeed Kim Jong-Il?" (Trick question. Can't be answered.)

For many of us, Super Bowl Sunday is less about the football and more about Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl — now in its eighth adorable year. As an alternative to the sports of it all, The Puppy Bowl is arguably (please don't argue with me on this) the greatest programming decision made by any network, ever. The puppies frolic as an announcer narrates the cuteness. At the end, viewers learn how to adopt the little MVPs. Really, it doesn't get any better.

Look, I love dogs and cats as much as the next guy — probably more, unless he also spends a good chunk of his day watching videos of Corgis on YouTube. But I have to marvel at the inflammatory tone of CNN's report on the U.S. pet obesity epidemic. (Be advised: this story contains sad references to pets dying young and adorable photos of Garfield-sized kitties.) The lede alone is journalistic perfection.

Thank you to everyone who's sent in a picture of your cat "breading"—i.e., his or her head inside a piece of bread. The meme that everyone's talking about is just starting to take off.

It's like hey, dogs, we get it. You hate cats. Fine. We heard you the first time and the second time and the one millionth time, with the barking. Maybe you should bark at a cat again? No, you should shut up!

As some of us continue to lament Academy Awards snubs, Martin Scorsese has embarked on a nobler cause. The director of the Oscar-nominated Hugo feels that his film's dog, a Doberman named Blackie, was unfairly overlooked by the prestigious Golden Collar Awards. (Actually, these are the first annual Golden Collar Awards, but I treat all animal-related contests with the esteem they deserve.)

What a weird-looking goat, in China. [Flickr]

It was Joe Biden in a tuxedo. Kidding! It was an African blackfooted penguin, and it was hanging out at the Kentucky State Senate during a vote about the local aquarium it calls home. Senate President David Williams reported interrupted a colleague's speech to announce, "The penguin... just defecated on the floor."

Mixed feelings about the Antwerp Zoo's newborn baby aardvark. On one hand, it is a snuffling baby animal of exotic origin. On the other hand, it resembles the alien offspring of a naked mole rat and a hand-held vacuum cleaner. [Zooborns]

How long will we allow "the system" to persecute innocent marsupials and their impassioned human defenders? We are slyly referring, of course, to the case of Irwin Kangaroo, the well-dressed formerly paralyzed kangaroo and registered therapy pet owned by Oklahoma kangaroo owner Christie Carr.

Check out this frog. That is one small frog, huh? On a dime, all, daaaamn, what is this enormous metal disk I am on in his tiny high-pitched frog voice. The scientists who discovered this guy couldn't even hear his tiny voice. "It was particularly difficult to locate Paedophryne amauensis," says frog-discover Chris Austin of Louisiana State University, "due to its diminutive size and the males' high pitched insect-like mating call." I bet, man. This frog, Paedophryne amauensis, is 7.7 millimeters long and it is literally the tiniest veterbrate known to human beings. He's all, whatever, though. [Discovery; image via LSU]

A billionaire tycoon from China named Long Liyuan died suddenly and mysteriously two days before Christmas. The only clue: a still-steaming bowl of half-eaten cat stew. Could it be? No, it's simply too easy, too dastardly, altogether too meowtrageous! But it's true: The cat stew was poisoned!

Anyone who knows anything about anything knows that birds, of all animals, are not to be trusted. Have you seen a bird, recently, doing its little bird things (pecking?), acting as though its brain is the size of a Sno-Cap? Well, guess what: birds can do math. Higher math.

Mark Zuckerberg, who personally kills all his food, is ominously proud of his escalating slaughters. Here's the bison he recently shot and devoured, mounted at Facebook headquarters as a "prank" on a less predatory executive.

Chimp research! Bird safety! Nemo extinction! Raptor claws! Rat acid! Alkali oceans! Lemur meat! Dolphin jetpack! And real talk words of wisdom about our current chemistry debates! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—with compassion!

An adorable widdle home invader broke into Annette Swoffer's New Zealand domicile this weekend. It was a "really friendly" baby seal, and it came through the cat door. From Annette's shellshocked interview with the New Zealand Herald:

If you're wondering why the Mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, chose for his annual Christmas card to pose his family next to a leopard slaughtering a gazelle, you are not alone. There are several theories floating about: The official line is that Jorge Santini wanted to promote the San Juan Wildlife Museum and its breathtaking taxidermy displays to rival anything in the Caribbean. (There are two alternate cards, one involving penguins, the other a bear and wild turkey.) A second theory is that Santini is sending a not-so-veiled message to his political rivals in anticipation of this upcoming election year. But we're going to throw a third theory out there: The twisted little girl on the lower left is just into extreme Nativity Scenes. Run, Baby Jesus, run! [Daily Mail]

Remember Pedro and Buddy, the gay penguin couple that the Toronto Zoo was going to separate so they could mate and then reunite? Well, it looks like their love won't last being shoved in the closet by the zookeepers. This is so so sad.

Great strides in the field of anthropomorphically amusing animals: Among 208 new species discovered in the Mekong River region of Southeast Asia is an "Elvis monkey" that "looks like it wears a pompadour." The Elvis monkey has no nose (Michael Jackson monkey?) and lives in the Himalayan forests of Myanmar, a World Wildlife Fund report explains: