[A television reporter fights the surf in Nags Head, North Carolina this morning as Hurricane Earl bears down on the Eastern Seaboard. Image via AP]

A company promoting a pill that supposedly turns gray hair back to its original color has offered Anderson Cooper $1 million to get rid of his silver tresses. That is the stupidest thing we ever heard.

As many of you know, Comedy Central aired its David Hasselhoff roast tonight. And when Lisa Lampanelli wasn't making jokes about Roger Ebert's cancer (see the video here), Seth MacFarlane was making jokes about Anderson Cooper's sexuality! The video, inside.

"Terror Baby" mania is sweeping the U.S.! This crazy meme is the far-right's latest line of attack against the evil 14th Amendment. Now, the argument's champion, Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert was on Anderson Cooper. They shouted a lot about it.

A California judge ruled yesterday that preventing gays from getting married is unconstitutional. But nothing in Cali matters until a celebrity does it! Here are the brides-and-brides and grooms-and-grooms we'd like to see exercising their new right to wed.

For years, Anderson Cooper has been admirably investigating the cult of Scientology. Scientology is determined to get back at AC for his lack of respect. Their latest tactic: distributing an entire magazine about AC's "History of Lies." Let's look!

[Anderson Cooper and his "roommate" Benjamin Maisani biked through the West Village this weekend. Maybe he's checking his Grindr? Image via Pacific Coast News]

CNN anchor Anderson Cooper doffed his prissy parka for a tight T-shirt for a new weekly series about the environment. But if you look at this ad, you'll see the show's been underwritten by polluting chemical company Dow. Uh oh!

We love a man in attractive eyewear, so we were very excited when Anderson Cooper announced on Live with Regis and Kelly this morning that he needs glasses. But the two choices he showed off were horrible.

Signs started popping up in Chelsea yesterday imploring (gay?) passersby to order a new cocktail, the "Sweet Coopie," in honor of Anderson Cooper's 43rd birthday on June 3. Which of the brands listed on the poster paid for the stunt?

Anderson Cooper delivered the commencement address at Tulane on Saturday. The highlight of Cooper's speech? An anecdote about his own blacked-out graduation night, and advice that the newly-decorated students drunkenly wake up in another bed the next morning. Video inside.

Cult leaders are worried about defector Amy Scobee's new book, out later this month, which alleges that church leaders snoop in celebrity files for fun. Responding, in the Daily News, spokesman Tommy Davis also spared some ire for Anderson Cooper.

Amy Scobee is a former high-ranking Scientologist. She's about to publish a book about her time with the Church, which contains some interesting details about Tom Cruise. Last week, Cruise's lawyer has sent her an angry letter, countering the claims.

In your surrogate Friday media column: Anderson Cooper tries on a studio audience, magazine ads continue to plummet, Crazy Rupert Murdoch has dealzzzz, Oprah buries Kitty Kelly's tell-all, and New York's most loathsome bromantic couple launch a "media scene" lunchspot.

Tonight, Anderson Cooper talked with the Best Political Team on Television about strip clubs. Turns out, he does not really know about them.

First-quarter Nielsen ratings are out, and everyone is talking about CNN's (continued) primetime ratings free-fall. While Fox News remains No. 1, MSNBC and CNN's sister network HLN are now regularly outperforming The Coop and his cohorts.

Today Ricky Martin dropped a crazy truth bomb on the world and acknowledged he is a "homosexual man." Yeah, duh! But he's not the only public figure still hiding—unsuccessfully—in the glass closet.

Yesterday a lawsuit revealed Scientology's brutal sweatshops. Next week a series of reports on Anderson Cooper 360 will apparently reveal further violence by leader David Miscavige (pictured) towards his minions. Scientology denies the claims. Again. [AC360]

It seems Anderson Cooper just can't catch a break these days. CNN's Silver Fox has been the target of endless speculation about his sexuality on the Internet for ages, but tonight, the talk switched to another medium... maybe? Video inside.

Is it a metaphor in some way? Who knows. Use it for your screensaver or something. It is Anderson Cooper swimming with Great White Sharks, and it is glorious.