While the Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin cold opening attracted some of Saturday Night Live's best notices in years (and best ratings, too — it was the highest-rated season premiere since the 2001 opener following the 9/11 attacks), nothing else that followed had quite the same water cooler buzz. However, if the show had been able to stick to its original plan, there would have been at least one other moment that would have had people talking: a Barack Obama cameo. Though the presidential candidate was forced to cancel due to Hurricane Ike, Michaels reveals to the Washington Post exactly how he would have been used (and what other surprise celebrities got involved as a result):

Rejoice, interwebs! After weeks of intense lobbying, Tina Fey finally gave America what it so loudly demanded: a full-fledged, mercilessly accurate Sarah Palin impression on last night's season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Lipstick jokes? Check. Appalling lack of knowledge about the Bush Doctrine? Check. Akaskan accent by way of Fargo's Marge Gunderson? Check, mate, you betcha. And while there was no sign of Maya Rudolph as Michelle Obama (and Barack Obama had to withdraw from his cameo in the wake of devastation from Hurricane Ike), Amy Poehler proved an invaluable scene partner as a seething, sarcastic Hillary Clinton. Enjoy this sketch while you can, for if Sarah Palin ascends to the White House, both performers will be executed for treason. The video, after the jump:Click to view

• Is Eurotrash social networking site ASmallWorld.net running low on cash? It seems employees weren't paid on time last week. [Gawker]

· When did they let this moaning, twitching, four-legged freak-creature (two white legs, two black with socks on) into the Big Brother 10 house? Look away! It's positively monstrous! [Arguably NSFW.] [B-Side Blog]
· Ben Silverman told TCA today that the Amy Poehler is actually starring in a completely separate project from that Office spinoff. In other Poehler news, Lorne Michaels said that her departure from SNL will be a "big loss." (Rifling around frantically for our Kristen Wiig doll...There you are. Hugggies.) [THR, LAT]
· Patrick Swayze looking surprisingly hunky for someone with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Go get 'em, Bodhi! [Daily Mail]
· The poster for Alan Ball's True Blood makes us quiver with antici. (Count to three.) Pation. [Slashfilm via AICN]
· Remember that time you were thinking to yourself, "If only I had a visual dictionary of a wide variety of baby animals." Well, today is your lucky day. Even Four-Legged BJ Monsters are cute when they're babies! [Baby Animal Alphabet]

• Britney Spears gave up custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline, retaining only visitation rights. The singer had been showing signs of steady mental and physical improvement, so it seemed odd she'd give up her custody battle so readily. Meanwhile, Spears' handlers keep trying to nudge her into making some more money for them, already. Sad.

The world awoke this morning to the chirping of little birds resembling Kristin Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris, perched at a podium in the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, announcing nominations for the 60th Emmy Awards. While most rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, we sat bolt upright as usual and sprinted to the window, our furious note-taking chronicling a few snubs, surprises and plenty of the conventional wisdom we've come to expect from the annual ritual.

· Baby Mama's supporting womb Amy Poehler is in "final negotiations" to star in the "don't-call-it-a-spinoff" The Office spinoff. Said Poehler, "The second I heard Aziz Ansari had already signed on, it really just became a matter of 'when do we start?'" [Variety]
· Most annoyingly overhyped project ever (and it's still just a script! Barely a glimmer of a storyboard in its amorous father Quentin Tarantino's eye) Inglorious Bastards is said to now be considering Leo DiCaprio to star, in addition to Brad Pitt. Also on their shortlist: Marlon Brando, Charlie Chaplin, and Jesus Christ. [Variety]
· Wait a second—Desperate Housewives is actually committing to the whole jump-ahead-five-years gimmick used in the season finale? We guess so, as all the kids on the show have been replaced by teenage actors. Maybe that's what Grey's Anatomy can do with Katherine Heigl: Set next season in 2118, where all your friends at Seattle Grace enjoys the benefits of a miraculous age-freezing pill, except Izzie, who didn't sign up for trials. (And died of natural causes at 86.) [THR]
· Lost writer Craig Rosenberg will make his feature directorial debut with The Panopticon, about "a medical salesman who receives a mysterious videotape from himself telling him the world will end and that he must stop it." [THR]
· Fox has ordered a presentation for Sincerely, Ted L. Nancy, a non-scripted comedy based on the popular disgruntled-consumer-fights-back Letters From A Nut books, an inferior retread of Don Novello's classic The Lazlo Letters. [THR]

Those rumors that Amy Poehler might be starring in the upcoming spin-off of The Office are flaring up again. I think it's good news for the Boston College alum (woot!), as she's kind of ceded her comfy position as top fiddle on Saturday Night Live to other funny lady Kristen Wiig. Update: Not a spin-off, but a Greg Daniels series nonetheless.

It's difficult to properly convey to you the excitement level that hits you the second you walk through the revolving doors at 30 Rockefeller Center before a live taping of Saturday Night Live. After all, it's one of the hardest tickets to get in show business. So, unlike a concert or athletic event where you can see the eyes of some attendees glazing over from boredom, everyone who is in attendance is someone who desperately wants to be there. As anyone who is in the building will attest, the energy in these moments is both palpable and kinetic. And that's just in the lobby of the ground floor of the building!

Time magazine brought together members of its 100 "Most Influential People" list at Time Warner Center tonight, and thanks to phone-blogging members of the press, the celebrities' trash talking, braggadocio and false humility has already hit Twitter in a sort of first-draft of the recaps that will probably hit blogs and newspapers over the next few days. after the jump are some highlights, including quips from Robert Downey Jr., Amy Poehler and John McCain, plus fameball Julia Allison explaining why she wasn't invited.

Deciphering your moviegoing options for the third week running, Defamer Attractions returns today with a look at the final weekend before the studios spill summer in our lap. Today we gauge Tina Fey's chances for box office superiority, corral the highest-profile dog since 88 Minutes (that was only last week? Really?), recommend a certain Oscar-winning actress's directing debut and scan the new arrivals shelf for DVD's of notice. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right. You can thank us later!

Everyone loves Tina Fey, and she hopes it stays that way. Her new film Baby Mama opens the Tribeca Film Festival tonight, and in an interview with Reuters today she admits, "You would be foolish to think, 'Oh everyone has really discovered that I am truly, truly wonderful.'" Her anticipation of her own backlash, aside, when a star argues that she is "not entirely selling out," you know the fear of the 'lash is in her heart. Baby Mama's opening weekend faces steep competition from stoner comedy Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, and with her NBC show 30 Rock moving into a new time slot, Fey's distinctive appeal needs to last a bit longer. Here are the troubling signals that Tina's edgy humor and general cuteness may be waning.

Ever since Mean Girls became a runaway success back in 2004, Tina Fey has been riding a wave of near universal acclaim. Her ability to ride that tasty wave of popularity for the last four years without succumbing to any nasty wipeouts has arguably turned her into the Laird Hamilton of the Writers-Turned-Performers circuit. But when Baby Mama hits theaters this weekend, all of that cred that she has built up will be put to the test. Not only has Variety's Todd McCarthy gone on record calling it "exceedingly predictable", but Videogum has been trumpeting the notion that "Tina Fey-Tigue" is about to set in for the last week and some change. Recognizing that this film doesn't exactly fit the mold of traditional studio comedies (namely, in that it stars two female protagonists), Universal has been throwing a bunch of dollars at Baby Mama television advertising over the last few weeks, alternately positioning the film as a Tina Fey Vehicle, a film In Which Amy Poehler Steals The Show and, gasp, as something that even sports-loving, beer guzzling men will dig (specifically, by scoring the spots with The Cars' dude-friendly power pop anthem "Just What I Needed").

While all three of these spots appear after the jump, we thought it would be fun to enlist Defamer's videographer par excellence Molly McAleer to cut a commercial for the film that would play to all the thrill-seeking teens who have made Prom Night one of this spring's surprise B.O. hits (above). Feel free to use our cut, Universal marketing team — all we ask for is a link in return. Enjoy!

· Question: Why would David Letterman (and untold other horny comedy goons) be envious of a window washer? Answer: Watch the video. [Late Show]

· You'll have to wait until May 20 to get your hands on "Anywhere I Lay My Head," Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers, but you can enjoy a sneak preview of her ear-raping rendition of "Falling Down" right now! [AOL Music]

· If you've not yet heard, Senators Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all taped messages that will air on WWE's Raw tonight, in the hopes of currying favor with the "will readily buy into heavily spun violence-as-entertainment" block of voters. [WWE.com]

· We really can't decide which month of The Texas Polygamist Wives Calendar most does it for us. Oh, who are we kidding. December: You had us at your carefully coordinated ankle socks and sensible man-satchel. [BWE]

· Just in time for Cloverfield's DVD release: J.J. Abrams thinks the best place to enjoy it is at home, just a few steps from the toilet should the shakey images on your 65-inch LCD screen make you want to hurl. [Reuters]

Amy Poehler was Saturday Night Live's resident quirky blonde from 2001 to 2008, and currently stars in (and occasionally writes for) Parks & Recreation on NBC. Massachusetts native Poehler honed her chops on the improv circuit, performing with comedy troupes Second City and Improv Olympic before moving to New York to co-found the Upright Citizens Brigade in the mid-1990s with Matt Besser, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh. UCB later earned a slot on Comedy Central and Poehler also had roles on several other TV shows (Spin City, Late Night with Conan O'Brien) and movies (Deuce Bigalow, Wet Hot American Summer) but her big break came when pal Tina Fey recruited her to join the cast of Saturday Night Live in 2001. When Jimmy Fallon relinquished his "Weekend Update" post in 2004, Fey picked Poehler to be her co-anchor, launching her to a prominent position on the show. Although Poehler stayed on at SNL when Fey left in 2006, Poehler used this shift to branch out into more movie work, picking up roles in Fey's Mean Girls and Baby Mama, as well as Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny, the third installment of the Shrek franchise, and the figure skating comedy Blades of Glory. Poehler left SNL in 2008 to helm Parks & Recreation. In 2011, Time Magazine listed her as one of the world's most influential people. Poehler married actor Will Arnett, of Arrested Development fame (she also played his wife in the show), in 2003. They have two children together, Archie and Abel.

Last night, NBC News anchor Brian Williams appeared in the mildewed basement of the Upright Citizen's Brigade theater. He was doing standup—well, a comedy monologue—which was really confusing (that it was happening, not in its substance). Also he has a mighty rack. Some sort of steroid usage was responsible for that. They've since gone down a bit. Why was he there? Apparently he is good friends with SNL's Amy Poehler.

A new movie called Baby Mama is being filmed today in Park Slope. The description, from IMDB:

• A spokesman says that style guru Isabella Blow's death was caused by cancer, but her 'friends' suspect otherwise, based on previous suicide attempts. [Gatecrasher]
  

1. SNL cast member Amy Poehler hosts "Punk Rock Comedy Clash," a benefit for the currently-homeless Upright Citizen�s Brigade Theater, at Tribeca Rock Club.
2. Hear Pulitzer Prize-winning author Louis Menand discuss Edmund Wilson�s newly re-published To The Finland Station, at the Housingworks Used Book Café in Soho.
3. Catch Pearl Gluck and Basya Schechter's "Trance" sound and video installation at the Eldridge Street Project. (Live performance and reception at 6PM.)