On Friday night, NBC reported that Mitt Romney had selected Paul Ryan (R-The Munsters) to be his running mate. They spoiled the surprise by half a day, but Team Romney just claimed they'd outfoxed the media anyway. This was their message when confronted with a no-longer secret rollout of the candidate: "Nuh-uh."

So, okay. This is where we are, as a nation. On Monday, Barack Obama addressed a crowd in Stamford, Connecticut and described Mitt Romney's tax plan as "Robin Hood in reverse. It's Romney Hood." Yesterday, Romney told a Fox News reporter that Obama's terms are "Obamaloney." Everyone in America now has free rein to address both candidates as "Beavis."

People kept asking me on Wednesday whether I was going to go to a Chick-Fil-A to stare at the evangelicals on Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day. "You live in Florida," they said, "it's probably gonna be awesome." I guess because they were going to be evangelical outside, in lines.

Mitt Griswold's European vacation is, mercifully, at an end. The family jet, the Mittlennium Rafalcon has been returned to the hangar, and men in blue coveralls are hosing the streaks of dogshit off the tailfin. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster is in the garage. Rest.

Americans have gone to England and been pancaked by London black cabs because they looked the wrong way before crossing the street. Americans have unluckily picked seven-day stretches of rain for their week's vacation in the sceptered isle. But Mitt Romney might be having the worst English vacation since Harald Hardråde's, and his is only two days old.

The immediate aftermath of any American tragedy offers a heady potential for vile ideas. Details are scant, speculation is still wide open, motive is easily assigned—and in the rush to scoop other outlets, journalists don't have as much time to investigate claims, arguments or citations.

The last week must have thrilled anybody playing Romney VP bingo. Rumors suggested Romney would pick Condoleezza Rice. Rice has never run for—nor expressed interest in—elected office, probably couldn't siphon "the black vote" away from Carlton on Fresh Prince, and her candidacy's soundtrack would be Block Rockin' Briefs '01: Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S. This week the VP rumor was about Tim Pawlenty, who is boring.

Mitt Romney's getting stomped in the news cycle, about outsourcing, wealth and Bain Capital. While it's no surprise that he's accidentally one of the people raining down the fiercest blows, it's stunning to see that the other people are Republicans and Democrats. Honest, real Democrats. Not New Black Panthers controlled by UN mind beams from Obama's home in that black cube in Mecca.

Mitt Romney should pick a trollface mask for vice president. It'll turn Reddit into a bad-art Möbius strip, and it'll give his campaign an identity it's lacked. Yesterday, he spoke to the NAACP national convention, stood firm on an issue, elicited boos and, hours later, embraced the boos in another speech. If the campaign were a message board, he might as well have closed with a Cam'ron-inspired "u mad?"

Mitt Romney is getting hosed. Admittedly not in an existentially threatening way, like watching his job get sent to Bangalore while a good health plan evaporates in front of him. But he's still getting hosed—in conservative media, of all places.

Independence Day is upon us, which means it's time to watch politicians stumble through the USA PHOTO OP. Mitt Romney will sing unknown verses of "America the Beautiful" with an Ashcroftian solemnity, while Barack Obama—as befits the office—will force two turkeys to have sex so they can sire the ceremonial turkey he will pardon on Thanksgiving. Unless that turkey is Alaskan, in which case it will be shredded for Patriotacos.

The other day, a man named LZ Granderson had an interesting take on the Fast and Furious controversy developing between the congress and the attorney general's office. It's a debacle, he says, and we absolutely should not get to the bottom of it.

John Roberts, former character actor as "the dad who wears khaki shorts and stands with his hands on his hips a lot," joined the liberal wing of the Supreme Court in upholding the Affordable Care Act, or "Obamacare." In doing so, he gave a lot of people who don't pay attention reason to celebrate him on Twitter. They're idiots.

This week has been tough on obviousness. There are the subtle implications of the Supreme Court's Arizona rulings and the murmurs of its coming Affordable Care Act rulings. Both make Mitt Romney and the Romney campaign mention words until reporters disperse in frustration. "WE SAID WORDS THAT ARE SYNONYMS WITH POLITICS. PLEASE GO AWAY."

When Adam Carolla sat down for an interview with the New York Post to promote his new book, it was probably supposed to be a no-brainer—at least in the easygoing, non-clusterfucky way. Carolla used to host a Comedy Central show about taps, tits and trampolines, and the Post pretty much targets the same demographic, with bonus exploding-Hajji content thrown in.

Last Friday, as American journalists looked forward to an evening's well-earned drinking, one lone truth-teller gritted his teeth and inwardly hissed, "Not on my watch." He was wearing a tan suit and standing near roses as he said this. There was a Poison song playing in his head, and he saw words emerge from his mouth in bullet time, so the president couldn't dodge them.

Even after a week, in a culture so wealth-besotted as ours, nobody's managed to write something as singularly privileged and self-pitying as Sally Quinn's Washington Post "announcement" about "the end of power in Washington."

On Tuesday night, MSNBC sent Ed Schultz to cover the Wisconsin gubernatorial recall election on the ground. Maybe the fact that he was on the radio in the Dakotas was "close enough." Maybe he volunteered. Maybe if you squint he sort of looks like a sausage in a JoS. A. Bank casing.

Last week, the New York Times ran a 5,000-word article on the Obama administration's "secret" drone assassination program that might as well have been accompanied by the cheery clip art that comes with brochures on STDs from the free clinic.

The last thing I wanted to do on Memorial Day was think about soldiers. As Chris Hayes discovered, there are no good outcomes to examining American soldiery with more than one opinion: Awesome!