Good Saturday morning! Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen spawning, Keifer Sutherland, Clay Aiken, and Giada De Laurentiis squashing separate (but equal!) beefs, Robert Pattinson gets some Can(nes), and Beyonce sez: "avoid the gym."

Last night millions of American Idol fans tuned in to watch the show's season finale. But you know who didn't?—-Clay Aiken, who basically trashed everything about Idol today on the subscription-only message board of his website, going so far as to say Adam Lambert made his ears bleed!

There's much hissing about American Idol's swandiving numbers—lowest finale ever! down 10% from last year, which was already low!—but in this modern world, it's really nothing to worry about. (Or, if you hate Idol, to get excited about). Idol is still winning where it counts.

• American Idol's finale scored its lowest ratings ever for the 18-49 demo. Not that there's a chance Ryan Seacrest will be disappearing anytime soon. [THR]
• The CW has unveiled its fall lineup. As expected, the Gossip Girl spin-off isn't happening. A social media-centric ad campaign, however, is. [Variety, NYT]
• New York magazine is raising subscription rates. [Folio]
• Google is reorganizing its ad sales team and cutting a few jobs. [WSJ]
• Thanks to the $75K speaking fee Tom Friedman accepted (and returned), Times staffers have been reminded about the paper's ethics guidelines. [LAT]
• Paste Magazine hopes to survive by asking readers for donations. [Gawker]
• Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich wasn't permitted to appear on NBC's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, so his wife will do it instead. [THR]

Well, that's it. After all this tumbling and mumbling and Kara bumbling, the eighth and most bespangled season of American Idol yet has come to a screeching, crooning end. How'd it end for you? Are you satisfied? Surprised? Gassy? To work through all these emotions and sensations, let's discuss.

If you want to know which totally dreamy piece of manmeat won tonight, go ahead and click through now to see Ryan Seacrest announce the winner. If you don't want to know, you've been duly warned.

Oh Ryan, you master of the turn of phrase. Clever little frosted minx. I'm gonna miss you when they pack you back up into your E! radio locker and I don't get any of you until next January. Sigh. The last competition night of the year! It was... just aight.

Remember Ted Haggard, the defrocked, gay-hating evangelical pastor who was busted having meth-fueled sex with a male prostitute, then allegedly cured himself of gayness? These days he's Twittering up a storm about American Idol!

Have you ever had an angel burp on you? Ever felt the soothing hand of God as He gives you a purple nurple? If not, then you didn't watch American Idol last night.

Three is a number steeped in magic and myth—the three fates spinning our doom, the three versions of Jesus (dad, son, creepy ghost), the three bears. And now, the three Idol men. Heroes all.

Charlie Crist is going to be your next closeted gay Republican Senator from Florida! Thanks to the liberal media! Adam Lambert should probably look into politics.

Short answer: No. Longer answer: Sorta. The New York Times ponders the important question today, as the singing competition show's ratings drop but its revenues continue to skyrocket.

Are you happy with yourselves, America? Satisfied yet? This is what you wanted, right? A bunch of thick, charmless white guys for your Top 3? Well you got it!

We've got to admit: we were not excited for "Rock Week." The mentor was noted Hair Bear Slash, Adam was going to wear leather and butch his way through something from the screechy white dude school of classic rock, Kris was going to hope it was actually soft rock week, Danny was going to suck, and Allison was going to be fine. And that is basically how it all went down! Except better!

That's how you do Idol! I mean, that's how you do it. Manufacture "surprises" so people will keep watching a full hour of television that should only take five minutes. Did your jaw drop?

The Top 5! Rat Pack croony swoony songs! What a magical combination. Oddly, I don't mean that entirely sarcastically. There was some good sing-sangin' on Idol last night, mostly from my long-term two favorites.

Oh American Idol Season Eight. You're showing your age. Two more dreamers were sent packing last night, they were—just by coincidence probably!—the two most conspicuously brown of the bunch. Obama Era nothing, huh?

So Disco Night happened on American Idol. Everyone still with us? Ten toes, ten fingers? All right, good. We made it. That wasn't so bad, was it? I mean, it could have been much worse.

Hillary Clinton is holding a contest to sucker people into paying her debt to Mark Penn. You can choose a prize, including a not-creepy-at-all day with Bill Clinton. We ask, which is the most bearable?

The fuck? The long-threatened veto was finally exercised last night. On Lil! Wait, no. On Gokey! Oh, hm, not that either. On Matt Giraud. Really, Irdol? A season's worth of build-up for... Matt Giraud.