Famous Twitter user Ashton Kutcher is extremely upset at the Village Voice. The paper wrote a cover story making fun of him and bashing his anti-sex trafficking efforts. Now he will make sure no company advertises in the paper or on its site, ever.

In 2003, Monserrate Luna boarded a flight in NYC headed to San Juan, Puerto Rico. When she bit into her chicken meal, she says, there was a lizard in it. She sued. We got a copy of her insanity-inducing deposition.

A tipster spotted actor Sean Penn boarding a flight from Miami to L.A. (For what it's worth, Sean, you'll always have Priority AAccess to our hearts.) Have you spotted someone noteworthy? Email us a photo or post it to #stalker.

You know when you get a seat on an airplane that's closer to the door and it's awesome when you're deboarding? American Airlines has now named those seats "Express Seats" and will charge you more money for them. Happy flying.

American Airlines plans to start charging $8 for a pillow and blanket on all domestic flights and some international trips, beginning May 1. [AP]

The TSA's looking not-so-great these days, seeing as how their uber-reactionary measures to security breaches could technically be classified as some "PT Barnum-level shit." So how do you think they react when bloggers leak their directives? Subpoenas and door-busting, naturally.

• The unemployment rate jumped to 8.5 percent in March, the highest since 1983, after a total of 663,000 jobs were eliminated. [NYP, BN]
• At the G-20 summit in London. world leaders agreed to pump $1 trillion into the world economy to help bail out developing countries. [NYT]
• Bank of America chief Ken Lewis says it may take a few quarters to pay bank the $45 billion it received in bailout money. Also: He says Countrywide and Merrill "will prove to be two of the best acquisitions we've ever made" [DB]
• Related: Another top Merrill banker is ditching the firm. [WSJ]
• It appears it's the end of the line for Daniel Zwirn's hedge fund. [DB]
• Hedge fund managers are paying more attention to customers after sustaining heavy losses. So they're, like, wearing ties to work and stuff. [BN]
• A Florida accountant became the first U.S citizen to be arrested as part of the investigation into Americans who hid assets with help from UBS. [AP]
• This can't bode well: American Airlines is in talks to raise cash from its credit card partner, Citigroup, by selling frequent flyer miles. [Reuters]
• It's not as fun being on top these days: The median salaries and bonuses for the CEOs of 200 big companies fell 8.5% to $2.24 million in '08. [WSJ]

Unfortunate news for frequent flyers who also happen to be sexual compulsives: Both American Airlines and Delta now say they will block access to porn sites on their in-flight WiFi networks. [Mirror]

I like to think I'm resistant to neophilia, the fetishistic embrace of new technology endemic to Silicon Valley. And yet I felt a rush when I logged on to Gogo's inflight Wi-Fi service on the American Airlines flight I'm currently taking from San Francisco to New York. The airliner's cabin has long been the last online frontier, a disturbing pocket of disconnectivity. My colleague Jackson West urged me to test the service, to review it for my readers. But I find myself more preoccupied with human needs than speeds and feeds. More than anyone, I worry about the likes of Mary Meeker.I can hear the 20somethings in the audience scratching their heads: "Who's Mary Meeker?" Back in the '90s, investment banks' Internet analysts were superstars, viewed as oracles and rainmakers. In 1999, Meeker, Morgan Stanley's lead Internet analyst, got a profile in the New Yorker. The text is not online, but I distinctly remember how it chronicled Meeker's nonstop activity. The only time she was still was when she boarded an airplane, closed her eyes, and slept through the flight. Could she have stayed awake, had she known she could achieve download speeds of 989 kilobits per second, with a latency of 108 milliseconds, for the low, low price of $12.95 a flight? Inflight connections, currently on a handful of flights, will rapidly go from novelty to necessity. Bosses will expect workers to log on nonstop; why shouldn't they? Even on leisure trips, compulsive connectors will go online out of sheer habit. I recently remarked to a friend, "Planes are for sleeping." That's before I got onto Gogo. Alas, poor Mary; even soaring above the clouds, there will be no rest for the weary.

American Airlines has debuted in-flight Wi-Fi from Aircell, giving more aspiring business-class passengers the chance to look busy on their laptops. The service bans Skype and other VOIP phone services. The only people really complaining that you can't make Internet phone calls are tech-blog commenters — exactly the kind of people who can't be trusted to not shout into their new phones in the first place. Why doesn't American just ban them? That seems easier.

VOIP enthusiast and marketing guy Andy Abramson tricked his way around the content filters on American Airlines' new inflight broadband. Abramson succeeded in conducting a long voice call to a friend on an American flight by using Phweet, which embeds the call as an audio stream inside a Flash player inside your browser. "I don't mean a five-second hi. I mean, a real conversation." Aw, you didn't talk to the guy in the next seat?

American Airlines begins its full in-flight broadband service today. CrunchGear writer Peter Ha is on a flight from JFK to LAX and promises to file a report from his seat at 9 A.M. Pacific today. For now, American offers the service on three New York-based routes, including flights between JFK and SFO. [UPDATE: Ha's live post from 30,000 feet.] (Photo by Cubble_n_Vegas)

• As expected, Lehman announced it will pay more of employees' compensation in stock this year; the bank also granted a mid-year equity bonus on July 1st. [Reuters]

Today's a special day for American Airlines frequent fliers! Customers aboard two AA flights from New York to LA will get to test out the airline's new in-flight Internet WiFi, which will be officially introduced (at $12.95 a pop) in a few weeks. Thought the drunk guy next to you was annoying? Now the other guy on the other side will be chatting away on Skype and showing off his favorite clips on YouTube. [NY Sun]

The first words spoken on "The Path to 9/11" are at check-in at Logan Airport at 7:13 a.m. "O.K., Mr. Atta," an American Airlines agent says over the clickety-clack of computer keys. "One way, nonstop to Los Angeles, no return."