Neil Armstrong, the first human being to ever set foot on the moon, died over the weekend, triggering an avalanche of eulogies, remembrances, and memorials. Both from the vast majority of human beings who are in awe of Armstrong's feat — and from the few hundred weirdos on the internet who believe the moon landing was faked by Illuminati Reptilians.

As the 2012 presidential election approaches, pundits are talking a whole lot of game about civil rights, the economy, and (big one coming up Thursday) healthcare. Meanwhile, the American people care about one issue and one issue only:

Last night, a horribly inbred beast called "Malachy" was named Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. What is this thing? It is a...

The Huffington Post has picked up on a story that President Dwight D. Eisenhower held meetings with extraterrestrials three, count ‘em, three times over the course of one month while government officials were told he was on holiday in Palm Springs.

As long as mankind has gazed into the vast night sky above, he has wondered: hey, is that a giant alien death star ship, parked over by Mercury?

After a seven-month pause, SETI resumed its radio search for the aliens who've, officially, never met the president or littered corpses across New Mexico or built secret pyramids. Immediately, SETI found a possible alien base. What an amazing, non-suspicious coincidence!

Right now, several miles above the surface of the earth, a huge wheeled robot is on its way to Mars, where, armed with "rock-zapping laser," it will seek out evidence of ancient extraterrestrial life.

Hey, everyone, President Barack Obama has officially not been secretly meeting with aliens. Thank God for the internet, which forced Obama to address this crucial issue.

Updated. Bushwick resident and YouTube user TheFallGuy53 was minding his own business, sitting on his front stoop, when suddenly, an apparition of light. A UFO, lurking in the north Brooklyn sky!

A mysterious light — "brilliant" and "bright," according to those who had seen it — lit up the sky over the Southwest on Wednesday night. 911 call centers across three states were flooded with reports of sightings. (Really, people? This is something you call 911 for?)

The mysterious and, frankly, menacing mystery orange goo that coated the shores of Alaska recently in a mysterious and menacing fashion has finally—at long last—been positively identified. It's not your mom!

Goo analysis! Fetal sex! Science mistakes! Alien search! Lamprey death! NASA crafts! Undersea volcanoes! Solar flare! And the brutal ennui of the Mars Rover! It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—down to its gooey center!

Here's a trailer for The Darkest Hour, a Russia-set thriller about an alien invasion. Ho hum, more aliens, right? Wrong! These are a different kind of alien, in that we can't see them.

Only one protestor showed up outside the Alcoa plant where President Obama was speaking on Tuesday, but he made his appearance count. Meet Richard McCaslin, of California, who wore striped pants and a matching "THOUGHT CRIME" hat, and held a sign that said "REPTOID ROYALTY: NO BLUE BLOODS IN THE WHITE HOUSE." Let him explain that to you:

After searching for two months, Australia's Department of Defense claims to have "lost" all but one of its files concerning UFO sightings, which were requested by a newspaper through the country's Freedom of Information laws. This leads us to two, equally plausible theories:

Just a few months after SETI Institute scientists stumbled onto dozens of planets potentially hosting alien life, the federal government suddenly cut off their funding. SETI calls this "a huge irony." Yes, what a coincidence! (Astrophysicists are so naive.)

68-year-old retired computer consultant Joe Capp has set up a 24 hour UFO hotline and has received almost two dozen sightings so far. Unfortunately the New York Post article does not include the phone number! Must be 1-800-I-SAW-UFO.

Why isn't there life on Mars? Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has a theory! "I have always said, heard... it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived... and finished off the planet." Hmm.

Everyone knows that the Chupacabra, or goatsucker, is a terrifying bipedal livestock vampire who lives in Puerto Rico. But what if... the Chupacabra wasn't real? And what if... it were actually Natasha Henstridge from the 1995 sci-fi horror movie Species?

A small packet of cocaine has been found at NASA's Kennedy Space Center, almost exactly 14 months after cocaine was last found at the Kennedy Space Center, as keen observers of space and/or cocaine will no doubt note. But does this indicate that NASA is the most fun government agency—or that it's a front organization for a vast, interplanetary drug ring? Seems to us it's time to put the space-detectives on the case! (This can be the basis for the sixth season of The Wire.) When asked if the recent discovery had any link to the death of a NASA contractor on Monday, spokeswoman Renee Juhans said, "maybe." No, ha, she actually said "no comment." And then she had the reporter whacked. [AFP]