It's now been more than 30 hours since police began negotiating with Jimmy Lee Dykes, the 65-year-old "anti-government" "doomsday prepper" who allegedly shot and killed and a school bus driver before retreating with a six-year-old hostage to an underground bunker on his Alabama property. Authorities say the boy, who remains unidentified, is okay — he's been given medicine and a coloring book and crayons — but the situation is "static" and the endgame is unclear.

At 3:40 p.m. yesterday, an armed man boarded a school bus in Alabama, shot and killed the driver, and grabbed a young boy. Police are now entering the eighteenth hour of a standoff with the suspect, 67-year-old Jimmy Lee Dykes — holed up in an "underground bomb shelter" with his hostage.

As you slip into bed tonight wondering how you spent another night watching television for six hours, think about the other types of fun you could be having. Like, for instance, getting hammered and stealing multiple vehicles, including an ambulance and two cars. And also trying to steal two horses. Definitely trying to steal two horses.

An Tennessee man didn't quite get the cash he was after when he walked into a Huntsville, Alabama, Starbucks with the intent to rob it, but he didn't leave empty handed either.

This video, given the culture of fear-approved title "RUN HIDE FIGHT," has just been released by Alabama's Department of Homeland Security. It instructs Alabamans on what to do in the event of a mass shooting, but also scares the shit out of everyone who watches it.

This morning, a man opened fire in a Birmingham, Alabama's St. Vincent's Hospital. The unidentified gunman managed to shoot two hospital patients and wound an officer before a second officer shot and killed him. The three people who were shot are now recovering.

As the number of "We the People" secession petition signatures continues to climb, the question inevitably must be asked: Who are these people, and why are they so anxious to secede?

According to the geography academics at Floating Sheep, the vast majority of racist tweets posted in the aftermath of President Obama's reelection came from Alabama, so it's of little surprise that a Dale County resident had few qualms about placing an Obama effigy on their front porch along with the sign "Pray 4 Assassin."

Police officers shot and killed a naked 18-year-old freshman outside of the University of South Alabama police station early Saturday morning. According to the police report, an officer heard a loud noise outside the station. When he went to investigate, he was, according to the school, "confronted by a muscular, nude man who was acting erratically."

Kristen Saban, daughter of University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban, is as close to royalty as Alabama gets. She is also, according to a recently-filed lawsuit that alleges she beat the shit out of her sorority sister over a mean Facebook status, completely insane.

A judge in Alabama has ordered a 73-year-old man to remove the remains of his late wife from the front yard of the couple's home, where they have been for the past three years.

Bill Johnson, who made a failed bid for governor of Alabama in 2010, anonymously donated sperm to lesbian couples in New Zealand, according to a report by the New Zealand Herald.

Alabama's draconian anti-immigration law has appropriately cleansed the state of brown-skinned immigrants, but has its enforcement gotten out of control? The recent arrest of a non-Hispanic, German Mercedes-Benz executive suggests that it has.

All Alabama wants to do is stop the Mexicans from coming to its state and taking "the jobs nobody wants to do," by forcing visible minorities to carry proof of legal immigration status on them at all times, and also tracking the immigration status of schoolchildren (who are literally stealing education), but will the "liberal extremists" of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals let them? Noooo!

In June, Alabama passed a law designed to punish adult illegal immigrants, minor illegal immigrants, and American children who made the error of being born to illegal immigrants. Last week, a federal judge upheld key portions of the law, and it's already starting to work! Alabama seems... cleansed.

A small town in Alabama is offering non-violent offenders the choice between doing prison time and paying a fine, or working their sentence off by going to church every week.

To celebrate the end of the military's ban against openly gay servicemembers, a gay soldier stationed in Germany decided to come out to his family and the world in the most public way possible: by recording a video and posting it on the internet. It's the sweetest thing we've seen in a long time.

This is kind of sad: Alabama's most populous county could be forced to file for bankruptcy after accruing a $3 billion sewer debt. One could argue that Jefferson County's finances really did go down the shitter on this one.

It only seems fitting that an immigration law considered by many to be totally racist, and even more awful than Arizona's SB 1070, was signed into law yesterday in... Alabama. That state's incredibly creepy-looking governor, Robert Bentley, signed what he's calling "the strongest immigration bill in the country." The details, from Reuters:

The tornado-ravaged citizens of Cordova, Alabama — about 35 miles northwest of Birmingham, pop. 2000 — have lost everything after a series of monster twisters tore through their town on April 27th. With nowhere to turn, scores of newly homeless residents were relieved when FEMA came along with a caravan of single-wide mobile homes they could use as shelter. Not so fast: Mayor Jack Scott has declared that single-wide mobile homes are illegal in Cordova.