"Good things are twice as good in cellophane." You know, this would be just as powerful if it were an ad for microwaves. Yes, it's real! Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

Remember that infamous ad agency sex tape that "surfaced" last year? Sure you do. Now it has inspired a real cinematic short film! In this way we contribute to the arts.

If you're like "I would only throw up and punch people and scream and start riots and fuck strangers and pass out when I'm drunk and that's the whole point," well, that's not REALLY HARDCORE, is it?
[via Adrants]

McDonald's is trying to take advantage of the recession to crush Starbucks by flooding America with cheap, faux-fancy McCafé coffeé. Despité the nation's most annoyingé ad campaigné, McD's is winning the battle for the (formerly) yuppié soul:

In 2006, a hacker named DVD Jon cracked the encryption on Apple's music store files. Today he's pulled off a more tangible hack: Buying a billboard practically inside Apple's San Francisco store to advertise his "cure for iPhone envy."

How does Microsoft argue its search results are more correct than, say, Google's? With a commercial in which it accidentally claims the Breakfast Club was released a year later than it was.

Oh look, a beer company has employed the advertising tactic of "Blonde girl showing her breasts," in order to make you, the consumer, amenable to purchasing beer. The breast-revealing ad is on YouTube! But for how long? NSFW thing below:

Why did Starbucks decide to sponsor MSNBC's Morning Joe? To "promote its ethical commitments." Whatever that bullshit means. One human-like online Starbucks advocate supports them strongly!:

Microsoft's new search-dealie "Bing" is going up against The Google, which is hard! Fortunately, Bing's marketing wizards have devised the world's most annoying ways to promote it. (*Bing* sound)!

Have you seen those bus posters featuring a scantily clad Lydia Hearst? The ads are promoting an indie movie called The Last International Playboy and while the stick-thin socialite only has a minor role in the movie—she strips and gets hot and heavy with a guy and a girl in the opening scene—she's front and center in the press campaign, not surprisingly. Tragically, though, the oft-nude publishing heiress reports she's been the victim of censorship! Although the ads appear on NYC buses, they've been banned in Seattle, Chicago and Dallas, she says. Guess we have a different tolerance level when it comes to these things! [NYO]

[To the tune of "American Pie"]

An ad in the new Black Enterprise seeks "some Bournes to serve under Barack." [Copyranter]

If you were a little disturbed when you heard that America's largest automaker had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection earlier this week, you really need not have worried so much. General Motors didn't really "go out of business," the car company's new commercial explains. It was "about getting down to business." And don't pay any attention to all the negative press the past few months: "The only chapter we're focused on is the first chapter."

Look, this is the business card of what we would call an "Urban Marketing Agency," from back in the olden days. Oh, the shamelessness! Luckily we have made much progress since then:

New York City, which is broke, of course, is selling off naming rights for its city parks. For mere millions! Using sociogeographical insight and imaginary marketing expertise, we have compiled a list of exactly who should buy these rights for a half-dozen parks. Read it and argue:

Here's what Grape Nuts is, really: wheat, barley, yeast, water. Here's what Grape Nuts is not: everything they told you it was.

I mean, every single ad campaign in America has had some sort of 'Hard Times' theme since the stock market tanked. It's beginning to lose its force. They have to step it up a notch. You are literally living in the Dust Bowl, people! Buy your cleaning supplies or whatever!

Tech blog company GigaOm is starting a subscription research service to drum up cash; some think TechCrunch could soon follow. It would seem everything old in tech media is new again: Bloated dot-com magazines attempted this same tactic amid the popping of the last financial bubble.

Ha, noted radical political journal Sports Illustrated is running these ads in South Africa insinuating that SI is very, you know, radical, and political. A big black panther for the '68 Olympics, Fight the Power! How did SI really cover that story? We will show you!

Vice Magazine is trying to be the coolest magazine in the world and, simultaneously, the biggest bunch of sellouts ever to walk the streets of Williamsburg, in an effort to see if it's actually possible to bend over backwards far enough to give a blowjob to oneself.