If you're an American, Burger King offers you The Subservient Chicken: Some dude in a chicken outfit who does what you say. If you're British, BK offers you The Subservient Shower Girl. Her turn-ons: Voyeurs, and guys with Whopper bellies.

Having trouble doing...anything? There's a handjob for that.

"To the glory of Kathleen (Kay) Mandell: Who at age 32 was stricken by Lou Gehrig's disease that caused her muscles to waste away, one by one, until her throat paralysed and she choked to death while fully conscious." No!

Now tattoo shops are advertising by sticking stickers on mirrors in public bathrooms so when you get really drunk you can go in the bar bathroom and confirm that, yes, that tattoo would look dumb. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Here's an animated she-panther whipping a man in underwear into submission in an Orangina ad. It would be great to be a fly on the wall with the creative team when they came up with this. (NSFWish—manbutt)

Good news, near-suicidal media executives: Expert forecasters say ad spending will rise next year! Two caveats: Print media will still plummet. And, the expert forecasters barely have any idea what they're doing.

Funny little thing that Tiger Woods would probably get a chuckle out of, if he wasn't in such a bad mood these days: The more we see Tiger's face on TV, the less we see him in TV commercials. Relief!

The revelations about Tiger Woods' extra-curricular escapades may now be catching up with him, or it may just be a coincidence, but Gatorade confirmed today that it plans to discontinue Tiger Focus, the sports drink "inspired" by Woods' "legendary mental toughness" that promises to reduce mental and physical stress. The company says the decision to drop the beverage had nothing to do with recent events, though, and was made more several months ago. [CNBC]

This is really a product that was begging to be made. Your baby is dirty. It crawls around, babylike, tracking dirt all over the floor. Why not turn that smelly, crawling, crying mess into a mop? Mother's little helper, indeed.

For millennia, man has questioned how Burger King tricks consumers by making Whoppers look edible in commercials. The answer is simple: In order to make fast food look good, you must make it even more disgusting.

If there's one thing drug-addled hipsters and American Apparel models have in common, it's their love for cocaine! Fortunately, someone took note and turned this anti-drug PSA into an ad for the hipster's hellhole of fashion.

Politico has a great story (no fooling!) about how people who play on the fears of the old and scared have formed a mutually beneficial alliance. Conservative pundits and gold-selling scam artists have joined forces to rip you off!

An ad for a body waxing business shows a hairless beaver. There's also a hairless kitty and a hairless cock. When did we stop trying? [Copyranter, who would also like to show you Mona Lisa's tits.]

James Perry is a former Eagle Scout and nonprofit executive who is running for mayor of New Orleans. In a new campaign ad, Perry enlists some angry friends to comment on the "insidery" nature of the race. Bleeps galore, ahead!

Catholic lady Joanna Krupa's pose in this new PETA ad (click to enlarge) has the Catholic League's Crazy Bill Donohue upset, but you know who looks like they really like it? The dogs, and that's the point. [Adfreak]

It's really hard to tell what product Quentin Tarantino is even advertising here. And the language barrier doesn't make it any easier. It just involves the director, a talking dog, and a samurai suit.

Take still paintings of holiday gatherings, add moving human arms, and dub some risque conversation over it all and you've got this series of holiday ads by Schweppes. The result is funny, confusing, and kind of uncomfortable. Watch!

I, for one, welcome our new equine overlords with welcoming arms. And maybe a sign. "Welcome Horse Overlords," it will say. And maybe they will spare me from a life of painful and neverending hard labor.