America's Mayor has the support of Chuck & Larry star Adam Sandler. There's no way he can lose now! [Time]

Judd Apatow on former roomie Adam Sandler's insistence on getting a peek at the future Lil' Mayor of Comedy: "'When we first moved in together, very early on he said, "Let me see your penis." I was like, "No! What do you want to see that for?" He's like, "I just want to know what I'm dealing with." He wasn't embarrassed about it... He would tell other people "Judd won't show me it, he won't show me it."

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's big marriage mistake is finally fixed, but Kevin still has the option to fight for full custody, which he'll probs get. Remember when we used to say things like "Poor Britney?" Yeah, that ship has sunk. [Us]
  

Through the Darkness of yet another Monday morning comes the Light of hope: the weekend box office numbers:

From the moment Universal released the trailer for I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry—an edgier Adam Sandler vehicle in which he plays a fireman who comes to realize that his sexual and emotional needs can only be fully satisfied by the bear community—we were confident that the studio had not just a commercial and critical hit on their hands, but a watershed contribution to the Queer cinema canon. Shockingly, the nation's critics have completely missed the movie's point. What follows is a selection of headlines from today's reviews for this deeply misunderstood film, proving, at the very least, that not all of the marriage puns were used up trashing License to Wed:
· Adam Sandler Tops Himself with Chuck & Larry, Alas [palmbeachpost.com]
· 'Chuck and Larry' gay, not funny [StarTribune.com]
· 'Chuck & Larry' will lead you straight to exit [ABQTrib.com]

Despite having received the GLAAD Squeal of Approval™, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry has mostly underwhelmed critics, one of whom wrote, "[It] isn't just unfunny; it's racist, sexist and homophobic — and truly unpleasant to watch." (In fairness, we should mention that the Village Voice review declared it "as eloquent as Brokeback Mountain," and included the pull-quote ready, "This sodomite had a gay old time"— sure to become the centerpiece of the movie's print marketing campaign.) It's not just critics who find themselves offended, however: At a TCA week promotional party for NBC's fall slate, Heroes' teleporting office worker Masi Oka disapproved of Rob Schneider's turn as the fake-gay couple's slanty-eyed officiating officer. From the USA Today report:

Whatever progress Hollywood looked to be making in telling mature, well-observed stories of sheepwrangler-on-sheepwrangler action in Brokeback Mountain appears at first glance to have been set back considerably by the impending release of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, an Adam Sandler comedy about two straight firemen who unconvincingly masquerade as a gay couple in order to get into Jessica Biel's pants. Don't let the stereotype-laden and unfunny trailer that's been running ad nauseam since April give you the wrong idea, however. A GLAAD authority has seen the movie twice, and stamped it Gay Kosher:

• I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry [YouTube]

· Showtime is positively atwitter about heavily promoted costume drama The Tudors' 1.2 million premiere night viewers (over two showings), a number representing the network's biggest debut success since Fat Actress kicked off its tragically short-lived run of three years ago. [Variety]
· Adam Sandler, already over the "dressing like Bob Dylan and moping around" phase of his career, will star in a Disney comedy directed by former choreographer Adam Shankman, Bedtime Stories. [THR]
· Fox's Idol tries to lure timeslot rivals into a false sense of hope by pulling in a smaller-than-usual rating, though one still large enough to crush its competition by a comfortable margin. [Variety]
· The Tribeca Film Festival happily whores itself out to Sony by allowing the studio to premiere Spider-Man 3 at their event on April 30. To its credit, however, the organization did reject an earlier proposal to temporarily rename itself the "The Spider-Man 3 Film Festival of Tribeca" as "too crass." [THR]
· Paul Haggis' The Black Donnellys takes the next step towards "official" cancellation, as NBC has pulled the show from its airwaves effective immediately. [Variety]

· CBS's Les Moonves agrees to a skittish Harvey Weinstein's request for a last minute edit removing the word "terrifying" from a Hannibal Rising commercial, which Weinstein apparently feared would induce mass panic in potential ticket-buyers for his film. [Variety]
· Columbia Pictures is about to pick up the script You Don't Mess with Zohan, about a Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hairdresser in NY, from Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel and Adam Sandler. Sandler, of course, will play the blow-dryer-wielding spy. [THR]
· Tommy Mottola and Biggest Loser producer David Broome are putting together a "grittier take" on the America's Next Top Model formula for TLC starring Petra Nemcova, in which eliminated models are force-fed cocaine until their weakened hearts explode instead of sent home. [Variety]
· Following American Idol's latest Nielsen-dominating performance, Fox's desperate competitors are seriously considering having Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell killed. [THR]
· Var produces some important service journalism for its Grammy-attending readers, warning that the closure of parking lots at the Staples center will likely result in huge traffic jams and the mass inconveniencing of limo passengers. Save yourself a headache by commissioning a helicopter for the night. [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the (most recent) time you saw Tyra Banks and Brittany Murphy high-fiving the night away.

Alexander Payne's follow-up* to Sideways, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, is the Backdraft-meets-Boat Trip story of two firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefit. The fake firemen lovers in question are none other Adam Sandler and Kevin James, who, according to a Defamer operative, are either taking their field research very seriously, or just bouncy-shlong crazy and could care less who knows it:

Enjoy a tall glass of these fresh-squeezed box office numbers on your Monday morning:

Recent dads Donald Trump and Adam Sandler stand proudly at the forefront of a movement promoting a return to traditional domestic roles, in which the father is relied upon to provide for his family by starring in stale reality show franchises and/or one-joke movies based entirely around magic-imbued electronic devices, their wives expected to pose elegantly for visiting In Style photographers, and, somewhere down a long hallway in a nursery room outfitted with the latest in fashionable cribware, an around-the-clock staff tending to their soiled little ones, dusting their fresh bottoms in the finest powdered gold.

Thank you, Adam Sandler, for showing your peers how it's done: Quietly impregnate wife, wait nine months, post self-deprecating birth announcement on website, avoiding speculation that newborn is of alien or turkey-baster provenance. Is it really so hard?

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the night you saw Keanu Reeves show up overdressed for a pajama party with a hammered blond on his arm.

· Adam Sandler and Kevin James will bravely mine the previously unexplored comic territory of domestic partner insurance benefits in
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, about two heterosexual firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple Although with a script by Alexander Payne and James Taylor, there's hope it will be more than a processsion of "look at how uncomfortable it is when two straight dudes have to pretend to kiss!" jokes. Bonus callback section: Sandler will take on the project after he wraps 9/11 Reign O'er Me with noted director Mike Binger. [Variety]
· Ethan Hawke Presents An Ethan Hawke Film Starring Ethan Hawke: Taking the concept of vanity project to an exciting new level, Ethan Hawke will direct Mark Webber, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Michelle Williams, Laura Linney, and himself in The Hottest State, the film adaptation of his own novel. We don't even want to think about the casting couch self-abuse he had to endure to land himself a role in the picture. [THR]
· Fox's decline in film division revenue can't stop COO Peter Chernin, who's clearly never tried to sit through Fantastic Four, from "feeling really good about the movie biz." [Variety]
· Rob Corddry lands the lead role in the Fox comedy pilot Becoming Glen; coupled with brother Nathan's recent casting in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, we may all have to confront the sad reality of a Corddry-less The Daily Show this Fall. [THR]
· The red-hot Terrence Howard seems to be content with taking over Samuel L. Jackson's career, as he's in final negotiations to star in Coach Carter-y feeling Lionsgate drama P.D.R., based on true story of an inner city swim coach. [Variety]

· Sensing a chance to finally behead momentarily weakened New Year's Eve immortal Dick Clark, Fox recruits Regis Philbin to host a competing ball-dropping special to ring in 2006. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance, Dump The Sharks Edition: Gary Oldman flees CAA to cozy up with ICM. [THR]
· Disney crosses the international box office billion-dollar mark, making them the third studio (along with Fox and Warner Bros.) to do so this year. Please join us in celebrating the further enrichment of faceless multimedia conglomerates! Huzzah! [Variety]
· Penguins still red-hot, tragicomic bear-wranglers not so much: The Academy shortlists a record 15 documentaries for nomination, including March of the Penguins, but not Grizzly Man. [Variety]
· Because nothing says gravitas like the words "From the star of The Waterboy and the creative force behind The Mind of the Married Man," we can't imagine anyone else collaborating on a 9/11 drama but Adam Sandler and Mike Binder. [Variety]