[Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler filming their little movie in wherever they're filming it; image via Splash]

[Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler film their new movie "Just Go With It" in LA; image via INF]

We're just torturing starlets at this point, right? Heidi Montag gets a role in an Adam Sandler film. Corey Haim is tied to a "massive" drug ring. Padma debuts her miracle baby. Saturday gossip tickles and coos.

Gold medal-winner Evan Lysacek seeks Dancing with the Stars fame. Gossip Girl Leighton Meester is in an indie drama, as is Lucy Liu. Zach Galifianakis will play an exorcist. The Trade Roundup is proud of all our Olympic athletes.

• Marc Jacobs says he's totally over having celebrities at his fashion shows because it's boring, and the only reason Lady Gaga and Madonna turned up to his show last year was because Gaga was performing at the after-party and Madonna, well, she just showed up. "She came backstage, and I was like, 'What do you do with her now?' Because it's not like she was invited." Somewhere, Madonna is burning all of her Marc Jacobs clothing. [P6]
• Rumors have been swirling recently that Ben Affleck fell off the wagon recently and is now drinking again. (He checked himself into rehab back in 2001.) On Monday, a bearded Affleck was spotted "cruising aimlessly" at the Chateau Marmont and "looking worse for wear." Uh oh. [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods mistress No. 1, Rachel Uchitel, has scored herself a job. A day after sitting down with Extra's Mario Lopez for an interview and now the show has hired her as its new nightlife correspondent. Just like hooker-turned-sex columnist Ashley Dupre, Uchitel is proving that you can make a big bunch of terrible decisions in life and come out ahead in the end, provided you have no shame and a burning desire to be famous. [P6]

Tonight, NBC aired a two-hour SNL primetime special, A Very Gilly Christmas, starring everyone's least favorite Kristen Wiig character. It was mostly a showcase of great Holiday-themed sketches of the past, but Gilly—and others—made some new, unfunny appearances.

Well, after a week of is-he-or-isn't-he, it looks like that, no, Chris Cuomo will not be taking over for Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Good Morning America". George Stephanopoulous is. And JuJu Chang will takeover for Cuomo, who is leaving. Whew.

Chef and Food Network fixture Mario Batali turns 48 today. Adam Sandler is turning 43. Hugh Grant is 49. Michelle Williams is turning 29. Retired football great Joe Theismann is 60. Singer Michael Bublé is turning 34. Actor Tom Wopat is 58. And '90s model Rachel Hunter celebrates her 40th birthday today.

• Funny People debuted at No. 1 at the box office this weekend, although it was still the worst opening for an Adam Sandler movie in five years. [Reuters]
• Mort Zuckerman is selling shares of his real estate company to pump $50 million into the Daily News to pay for new printing presses. [WSJ]
• Lou Dobbs has become a PR nightmare for CNN. Presumably the fact that Media Matters is airing an anti-Dobbs commercial won't help matters. [AP, HP]
• Is the peace pact between Olbermann and O'Reilly a sham? [TDB]
• Google CEO Eric Schmidt has resigned from Apple's board of directors. [BN]

Hollywood's been waiting for the answer to the question Does Judd Apatow have what it takes to be a "serious film" filmmaker? or at least wants to know about his bankability in drama. Take a guess what happened.

In the waning days of his publicity blitz, Judd Apatow is blogging over at MTV in some kind of meta 'comedians-are- sensitive-beings-who-have-Google-alerts-and-read-them' promotion for Funny People. It's quite enjoyable!

Yesterday, the first reviews of Judd Apatow's Funny People started to trickle out from the major film critics. How'd it do? Well...

The return of Freddy Krueger. The sad remaining of Chace Crawford. Christina Ricci books a porn movie, The Hangover goes out on the town again, and The Game hopes to keep playing.

Cannibals will soon roam the earth, as will comedians. Jennifer Aniston and dogs are Mother Nature's favorite creations. Audrina Patridge will never, ever die. Your in-town-for-pilot-season friend will never, ever leave.

Here's the trailer for Judd Apatow's Adam Sandler starrer Funny People, which looks like it will be hailed as the director's most mature, personal film yet. How personal? Let us count the ways:

· Kevin James and Adam Sandler will join Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and David Spade in a Columbia comedy about "five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on July 4th weekend."

It's not always easy for young children of different faiths to distinguish the singular pleasures of Christmas from those of Chanukah. Now, thanks to Adam Sandler, the distinction is clearer than ever.

It's hard to think of a comedian who it hasn't happened to. Once pigeon-holed as a laugh-getter, the comic's desire to be taken seriously grows and grows. And for some strange reason, Judd Apatow's current project Funny People wants to have it both ways: the yuks and the tears. This "hilarious drama", as Apatow refers to it, has a high profile cast that includes former standups Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Eric Bana, and while Vanity Fair is already on the movie's jock over a recent table-read, history tells us that Funny People will be more sad than hilarious.Since the sad part is already in the script, Sandler and Rogen were practicing their in-character stand-up routines from Funny People (mostly about masturbation) at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater last month in anticipation of honing material for the film. But Funny People isn't just about a bunch of hilarious folks — it's about how much they learn.

♦ Jennifer Aniston is finally speaking out about her breakup with Brad Pitt. In the December issue of Vogue, she says what Angelina Jolie did was "really uncool," and that she had no idea that Brad had cheated on her until she read about it afterwards. [MSNBC, NYP]
♦ The security guard who roughed-up Brad Pitt at the premiere of his own movie on Monday night says he was only trying to protect Brad by helping him get away from a pack of aggressive photographers. [ET, NYP]
♦ Madonna is supposedly considering a career as a movie director so she can "rival" her ex, Guy Ritchie, at least according to her nutty brother Christopher Ciccone. She should have more time to pursue a directing career if she chooses to: Officials in Malawi have said she can "forget" about adopting another baby as long as she plans to bring it into a "broken home." [The Sun, MSNBC]
♦ Billy Ray Cyrus says he is trying to get Malia and Sasha Obama to appear in an episode of Hannah Montana. [NYDN]

[Well paid comedic figure Adam Sandler and his gay ole bulldog on the beach in Malibu. Pic via X17. Click to enlarge.]