Kleenex-sponsored cry-athon Extreme Makeover: Home Edition where living football Ty Pennington and a bunch of well-wishers would redo a home for an impossibly virtuous but down on their luck family each week is cancelled.

Every year gets a movie so unspeakably disgusting, it becomes a cultural touchstone in its own right. Last year it was The Human Centipede; this year, Jack and Jill. Imagine combining the two into the The Jack and Jill Centipede: a four-man, ass-to-mouth daisy chain of Adam Sandlers surgically attached to Adam Sandlers in drag. The mind reels, the stomach heaves. But you know what's even grosser than that? This. Work It.

Know what is funnier than fat people falling or breaking things? Famous fat people falling or breaking things. Know what's funnier than that? When it happens on national television.

One of the actresses on Pan Am, ABC's empty-headed Mad Men wannabe, tweeted that there was only one episode of the show left. Looks like the underperforming show finally got the axe. But then ABC said it's all a lie. What's going on?

Everything these days that isn't about vampires is about fairy tales. There's 18 Snow White movies coming out, that awful Little Red Riding Hood movie no one saw, and two fairy-tale related shows on TV this fall. ABC's Once Upon a Time came a-courting first. Was it a happily ever after or a poisoned apple?

Once a movie actress, she's now doing TV. Also today: Americans can't make anything original, French Stewart has been located, and How to Be a Gentleman has been put out to stud.

Not really, she's just going to be in a movie where that happens. Also today: Judy Greer gets another chance, so does Chord Overstreet, and Selena Gomez is a hot mess.

Not every old TV show needs a reboot. ABC has canceled Charlie's Angels but will continue to air episodes that have already been produced. After all, we don't need "jiggle TV" now that we have the internet's vast porn library.

I really didn't want to like Revenge, ABC's new sudsy drama about a young woman trying to right the wrongs done to her family. I mean, there were all those awful ads (including some on this site) with Emily VanCamp standing in a pile of thorns. It just looked so schlocky! Was I ever wrong.

Universal's crazy Tower Heist plot will not come to fruition. Also today: A Disney princess makes progress with her very own grownup show, three of your least favorite shows will live a little longer, and Ben Stiller has lots of ghosts, which one you need?

I can imagine last year at the Emmy's when Mad Men won for the third year in a row that all the networks execs were sitting around thinking, "We need to get us a Mad Men!" What came out of that thought is ABC's Pan Am, but their sweet '60s nostalgia lozenge isn't anywhere as easy to swallow as the original.

The perky one-time Disney queen continues to get work despite a string of bombs. Also today: the possible return of Robert Zemeckis, the likely return of Carrie Bradshaw, and the disappearance of Andrew Garfield.

Finally, television is directly addressing the lesbo community. Also today: Candace Bushnell will never go away, Keira Knightley sets out to do another prestige project, and Michael Keaton has been found.

The rumor-plagued actress has kept working despite, and it's slowly paying off. Also today: bad news for Dionne fans, good news for Big C fans, and the strange popularity of Grey's Anatomy.

You thought you were done with Carrie B. and her shoe-loving ways, but you are not. Also today: J.Lo is officially in, ABC is maybe out, Sarah Silverman is in-demand, and Katy Perry is the best at being the worst.

The worst show of the new season is on ABC and is called Work It. It is unbelievably horrible. Even the 90-second trailer is too long to tolerate. This thing puts Cop Rock, Viva Laughlin!, and even That Show With Heather Graham that Got Canceled After One Episode to shame. Behold!

The Nicki Minajes and the Khloe Kardashians the world over understand that the occasional slip of the nipple on live television is an occupational hazard. It happens! In fact, it seems to happen so often these days that no one cares that much when it does. But that doesn't mean ABC is cool with what happened on Good Morning America earlier today. The network issued a statement apologizing to Minaj and viewers for the offending nipple.

GLAAD, the spayed and neutered gay media watchdog, released its annual Network Responsibility Index, which charts the gay content of television networks. Guess what they found? The highest percentage of programming with gay and lesbian characters is targeted at young audiences.

The hotel maid accusing Dominique Strauss-Kahn of attempted rape, Nafissatou Diallo, has spoken out in Newsweek and on ABC News. If you spent the last few weeks being called a hooker and a liar, you'd probably want to give your side of the story, too.

ABC's canceled soap operas All My Children and One Life to Live have been snatched from certain death by Prospect Park, a production company that will move the long-running serial dramas onto the internet. Thank God, Susan Lucci will still have a job!