ABC News tracked down Ruth Madoff, wife of Ponzi schemer Bernie, and she was sitting at a Le Pain Quotidian in Midtown with her hair dyed red. You'll never believe what she said to the camera. It's shocking. Shocking!

Since Tuesday, the world has stood dumb-struck at the victory of Alvin Greene in the SC Democratic Primary. He's unemployed, looking at a felony charge for showing a college coed a porn image and giving interviews. Inside, the best ones.

"Sack tapping" is the new painful craze sweeping the nation's teen boys. That is: punching each other in the balls. One child had his right ball amputated because he was punched so hard in it. Prepare to wince.

The Hague is looking to talk to supermodel Naomi Campbell in a case against former Liberian president Charles Taylor who's on trial for crimes against humanity. That's the same case that prompted her to sock an ABC camerawoman last month.

Last week, Felix Gillette wrote an innocent story about Mimi Gurbst, a senior producer at ABC World News, retiring to become a high school guidance counselor. Soon, the story's comment section became a message board for vicious anti-Gurbst vitriol. Why?

Those anger management classes must really be working! After an uncomfortable interview about a blood diamond Naomi Campbell may or may not have received, the temperamental model punched an inanimate object—a video camera—and not a human.

In your proxy Friday media column: MSNBC's David Shuster shot a pilot for CNN, Barack Obama demands (metaphorical!) oral sex from reporters, Smithsonian magazine stiffs a war-damaged correspondent, and losing just $80 million means you're Publisher of the Year.

In your counterfeit Friday media column: Rupert Murdoch launches the first volley in the new paywall wars, ABC News employees face a buyout deadline, Forbes loses a key editor, and Variety throws a hissyfit.

TVNewser reports that, according to documents filed in a Florida court today, ABC News paid $200,000 to the family of accused toddler-killer Casey Anthony in exchange for photos of the toddler she allegedly murdered.

Toyota's general counsel is calling on ABC News president David Westin to retract and apologize for a cocked-up story by America's Wrongest Reporter, Brian Ross. UPDATE: ABC News' response is below.

In your rainy Monday media column: God tries to kill celebrity news using the weather, the New York Times is a totally great newspaper!, and USA Today arrives in Starbucks.

Martin Bashir of Nightline has a few earnest questions for the Insane Clown Posse. Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope struggle to explain to him the nature of the Juggalo.

Earlier today, we called out ABC News' Brian Ross for splicing together footage of him driving a Toyota and a surging tachometer into a fake report. ABC News pledged to fix the video. It did—and made it faker.

In your substitute Friday media column: Christiane Amanpour eyes George Stephanopoulos' old chair, the Los Angeles Times wraps itself in Johnny Depp's handsome mug, the New York Times does teevee, and a Star is unborn.

Brian Ross, America's Wrongest Reporter, has been credited with owning the Toyota recall story, including one memorable report with Ross behind the wheel of an out-of-control car. He did it by splicing in staged footage to make it look scarier.

D-Day is here for ABC News. ("D" is for "Damn, they're taking my job.") The company is reportedly seeking three to four hundred buyouts, which would amount to about a quarter of its workforce. We'll update below with details.

The oldest living newsperson who is not on 60 Minutes, announced today that the upcoming annual Oscar Special—her 30th—will also be her last. Thanks for finally giving someone else a chance to do something on TV, Babs.

• Is Fox about to "swoop in" and sign Conan O'Brien to host a late-night show on the network? That's the rumor. In other, not-at-all-surprising Conan news, his final Tonight Show on Friday generated huge ratings. [NYP, NYDN, LAT]
• News networks are preparing to scale back their operations in Haiti. [NYT]
• The "Hope For Haiti Now" album will debut at No. 1 this week. [Reuters]
• Diane Sawyer's ratings are up 8% since taking over World News. [NYDN]
• Avatar was No. 1 at the box office for a sixth weekend in a row; it bypassed Titanic today to become the highest-grossing movie of all time. [LAT, THR]
• The Ticketmaster-Live Nation merger has been given the go-ahead . [DF]
• The grim ad climate for fashion magazines seems to be improving. [WWD]
• Comcast's acquisition of NBC will face a few hurdles in Washington. [AP]
• Oprah was "America's favorite TV personality" in 2009, according to a new poll. Frighteningly, Glenn Beck and Jay Leno were No. 2 and 3. [Reuters]

• As rumored, the New York Times plans to begin charging readers to access stories on the NYT website. It will be a metered system (so only "frequent readers" will be affected), and it doesn't start until 2011. And faithful subscribers to the print edition won't be forced to pay anything extra. [NYT]
• What are the chances Conan lands at Fox? It could happen, but there are plenty of reasons why Fox might decide to back away from a deal. [WSJ]
• The news biz: Talks to bring Ted Koppel back to ABC News appear to have fallen through; Megyn Kelly is getting her own show on Fox News; and CNN has announced it's partnering with hipster mag Vice, oddly enough. [NYO]
• Condé Nast's Fairchild unit has a new chief. Gina Sanders, Lucky's publisher (and Si Newhouse's niece) will now be running the show. [WWD]
• The Sundance Film Festival kicks off in Park City, Utah tomorrow. And it's shaping up to be fest's "most important" year ever, supposedly. [NYT, WSJ]

George Stephanopoulos acknowledges that he should've pressed Rudy Giuliani on his insane comments this morning.