a-call-to-the-bullpen

Vhich One Is Real and Vhich One Is Memorex?

Douglas Reinhardt · 05/01/08 12:10PM

Project Runway host Heidi Klum took a break from the stress surrounding the show's recent game of musical network chairs and got back to her roots as a model. Klum picked up a shift as a mannequin at the Beverly Center Bloomingdales and found it refreshing to get back to the basics of modeling; making the clothes look good and wearable. However, Klum found it difficult to remain silent when people commented that the mannequin resembled her and often added "but less annoying."

What's So Beautiful About Kate Hudson? I'm Way Prettier Than Her

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/30/08 04:25PM

Beloved actress Reese Witherspoon took the news of Kate Hudson landing the cover of People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People issue rather hard while leaving the gym this morning. Witherspoon assumed that she was a shoe-in since she makes movies that people love and watch and dates the hottest guy in the game (Jake Gyllenhaal, obvs). Additionally, she's been told on numerous occasions that she's as cute as a button. It was then that Witherspoon began to wonder what kind of kinky favors Hudson did for the editors in order to land the cover.

Mr. Samberg, You're Going To Be Detained

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/30/08 01:45PM

A TSA agent drunk on power attempted to place Saturday Night Live performer Andy Samberg into his own private rendition. The security agent mentioned that he wrote a spec script that Samberg would be perfect for and that he also wanted to get Samberg's feedback on some characters he's been developing in his improv classes. Samberg looked around the janitorial closet and said that is pretty illegal, but might make for a "totally sweet" digital short.

They Sure Don't Make Them Like They Used To

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/30/08 12:25PM

Matthew Broderick seemed to be disappointed by the poster for his new film, Finding Amanda, at the Tribeca Film Festival. At first, Broderick asked if he had to pose in front of it, then start to wonder why his picture was so far in the background and seemingly out of focus. The film's publicist shrugged his shoulders and said, "Legs sell movies these days." Broderick sighed, then brought up the poster for Ferris Bueller's Day Off. "No sexy girls in that poster. Just my good old face and look at it, that thing is a classic. Probably in dorm rooms everywhere. This one, maybe it'll go up in the room of the creepy guy from the video store and that's about it."

Okay, I Wrote Both Of You Into My Next Screenplay, Okay?

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/29/08 06:20PM

Once great filmmaker Quentin Tarantino filled actors Rob Schneider and Ian Ziering with a false sense of hope at a cocktail party last night. Tarantino talked to the guys for what seemed to be hours about how he had written a couple of parts in his latest script that they'd be perfect for. Yet when Schneider and Ziering attempted to follow up on the project the next day, the number they called had been disconnected. Schneider was not too upset about it, stating that he could just worm his way into another Adam Sandler film. However, Ziering took the news a bit too hard. He stated that he stopped getting his unemployment checks recently, and since he wasn't getting any callbacks regarding the 90210 spin-off, Ziering explained that he may have to pick up a shift at Peets' Coffee in Glendale.

Am I A Publicist Or A Glorified Coat Rack?

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/29/08 03:40PM

Former reality TV star Kristin Cavallari's publicist reached a near breaking point at the Scarlet series launch party Monday night in Hollywood. The publicist began to wonder what it is she's getting paid to do: advise and help increase her client's media exposure or hold her purse while she flirts some guy from the CW while ignoring the important media outlets like The Insider and Inside Edition. It was then that the publicist wished that she had been offered a course in college about how to mask one's contempt for their future clients. That would've been much more useful than the nine credits she wasted taking science classes.

Lindsay Lohan Regrets Never Learning A Foreign Language

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/29/08 01:15PM

An extremely paranoid Lindsay Lohan could barely sit still as she was having her nails done in West Hollywood Monday afternoon. Lohan constantly checked over her shoulders and all around the salon for fear that the employees were talking behind back in their native tongue. Lohan asked the woman who was doing her nails if they were talking about her, but when the nail technician attempted to calm the Mean Girls star down, Lohan excused herself for a cigarette and never returned.

It Was Either This Tie Or The One That Looked A Keyboard

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/29/08 11:25AM

While on his way to a London area Obama rally, David Schwimmer explained that his outfit for the evening was picked by his girlfriend, Zoe Buckman. Buckman described Schwimmer's look as being kooky and fun, and casually mentioned how much she loved bands that employed keyboardists. Schwimmer agreed and said that it was always one of his teenage dreams to look like the guy from Spandau Ballet. Buckman said that she had never heard of that band, but thought her boyfriend resembled the guy from The Killers. "But cooler!", she added on.

Sienna Miller's Attempt To Go Incognito Works A Bit Too Well

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/28/08 07:20PM

Sienna Miller, star of the upcoming big screen adaptation of G.I. Joe, attempted to hide from what she thought was going to be a swarm fans at the Coachella music festival. Yet after a few moments of being just another hipster in a sea of hipsters, Miller seemed disappointed by the lack of attention and considered walking around topless for a few moments.

Jamie Lynn Spears Might Be Pregnant, But She Refuses To Be Barefoot

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/28/08 05:35PM

While Jamie Lynn Spears may be seventeen and unmarried and pregnant, the Zoey 101 star refuses to become barefoot and pregnant. According to inside sources, Spears has found even wearing the simplest pair of flip flops to be taxing and annoying in the final days of her pregnancy, but she does not want to embody anymore clichés circling her current situation. Spears felt its bad enough that she's pregnant and unmarried, but to be barefoot as well? That would make her want to die.

The Hoff Party Train Makes A Pit Stop At Coachella

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/28/08 03:35PM

In another humble attempt at becoming the world's coolest dad, David Hasselhoff managed to get his daughters and friends backstage at night two of this past weekend's Coachella music festival. The Hoff attempted to be on his best behavior in front of his children, but once he caught a bit of M.I.A.'s set and saw Prince, it reminded him of the time he performed on top of the Berlin Wall, only without the accents. It was at this point that The Hoff decided to make it rain with stacks and stacks of personalized Knight Rider era headshots, reportedly screaming at the top of his lungs, "It's 1985 again and I'm fucking back!"

Katherine Heigl Enforces Her Strict No Looking At Her Uggs Policy

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/28/08 01:50PM

Katherine Heigl once again had to remind every one of the set of her new film, The Ugly Truth, the rules regarding her Ugg boots. Heigl had it written into her contract that she's allowed to wear her Uggs in scenes where her feet aren't visible, and even added a clause that gives her the authority to fire any crew members who snicker, giggle or engage in any other form of laugh-based communication either to her face or behind her back. Heigl told the crew that if they can't adhere to these rules then they could try to get somebody else who'll open the #1. That reminder sure shut them all up.

Jonah Hill Is Workin' on His Fitness!

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/25/08 07:30PM

Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Jonah Hill's initial baby steps into a regular work out routine were thwarted by a nosy photographer. Hill politely asked if the photographer could leave him alone, seeing as how Hill had successfully finished his first block. Unfortunately for all parties involved, the photographer said no and offered Hill the halfway melted Snickers bar in his SUV. Hill continued on his walk, but the ever-persistent photog asked if Hill wanted to make a run to Crumbs in Beverly Hills, adding in that it would be his treat. Hill sighed and continued on with his power walk, then muttered, "Any other day, I'd be there. But you know, I'm working hard not to be the Artie Lange of the Apatow gang."

Amy Adams Will Have You Know That This Haircut Was Not Her Call

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/25/08 04:15PM

Perpetually cute actress Amy Adams took a break from being the cute one while out walking her brand new puppies in Brooklyn Thursday afternoon. Adams told the photographer that it felt refreshing to be stopped by children because of her puppies for once, rather than for the usual reasons (which, duh, is because she was in Enchanted). Adams said that her new puppies also distract people from the unflattering haircut she's sporting. "It's for a role," she explained.

I Know This Guy's A Liar Cause He Said He Saw 'Leatherheads'

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/25/08 02:40PM

Actor/director George Clooney faced the United Nations Movie Director Court on Thursday afternoon. Clooney was there to argue his case for not being placed into movie jail for his most recent directional outing, Leatherheads. Clooney attempt to defend the film on its merits as a throwback to the screwball comedy genre and what not, but the jury was simply not buying it. Clooney, realizing that his back was against the wall, boldly admitted that the film was simply a vanity project and asked if Good Night and Good Luck provided him a "get out of jail for free" card. The jury pondered for a moment and asked Clooney if he had any intentions of making any more films with Steven Soderbergh. Clooney shook his head no and stated that it could happen one day, but he had no immediate plans to do so. The jury deliberated a bit longer and came back with a verdict: Clooney was on directorial probation meaning that Clooney would have to act in or at least help finance a film by an arty director like Terry Zwigoff or Pedro Costa.

The Gossip On The Set Is That This Gossip Girl Enjoys Ice Cream

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/25/08 12:40PM

Bucking all the Hollywood dieting trends and fads, Gossip Girl guest star Michelle Trachtenberg enjoyed an ice cream sundae while on set yesterday. Trachtenberg explained that it was a hot day and, quite frankly, frozen yogurt doesn't quite hit the spot on a hot day. However, Trachtenberg did say that she called her personal trainer and notified him that she was going to have some ice cream and that her workout the following day would reflect her decision to have ice cream.

The Top's Cry For Help

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/24/08 04:00PM

One time successful prop comedian Carrot Top has traded in the suitcase of props in for a position as a mall security guard. More specifically, Carrot Top's new beat covers the Third Street Promenade's Abercombie & Fitch. As The Top explained, his rationale for making the move into security was two-fold:
1) It makes full use of his muscles
2) He gets paid exclusively in polo shirts and cargo shorts

Genius Bar, My Ass!

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/24/08 01:25PM

A distraught Rachel McAdams left the Mac Store after waiting over half an hour to get some help with her recently purchased MacBook. McAdams was at the end of line of people who apparently were incapable of understanding how their iPod worked. It was then that McAdams decided to fall back on training she received on the set of Mean Girls; she sighed and paced around the Genius Bar in a real huff, exuding all of the bitchy qualities that Lindsay Lohan taught her, but it was all for naught. McAdams then asked the person ahead in line if she could go ahead of him, but the man explained that if he doesn't get his iPod fixed ASAP, he can't work out. And if he can't work out, he'll gain weight and get depressed. He closed by saying that McAdams wouldn't want that hanging over her head.