• Madonna continues to dominate the Gay circuit with talk of Broadway. She claims to have material for a musical, the very thought of which could cause Chelsea to spontaneously combust. Go slowly, Madge. [Scoop]
• When thugular rapper 50 Cent was shot 9 times, the incident gave him the necessary street cred. But if the shooter was nicknamed "Hommo," does that render all cred moot? [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton, Kimberly Stewart, and Bijou Phillips brave Hurricane Wilma to attend the opening of an envelope in South Beach. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• The National Enquirer finally dumps Anna Nicole Smith's attempt at a column, presumably because it was utterly incoherent save for the pictures of her dog. [Page Six]
• Like all reality show winners, the Apprentice's Kendra Todd has an engorged sense of self-importance. Made in her mentor's likeness, we suppose. [Lowdown]

According to this pleasant little report, incredithug rapper 50 Cent recently decided to give back to the New York community as much as possible in as little time as necessary: By merely handing out cash to kids. Alas, the man who made his name getting shot 5267 times was none too careful when counting his dollar bills. Instead of handing out $1800 as he intended, Fiddy mistakenly gave away $18000 to the neighborhood kids, prompting hysterics.

• Actress Vivica Fox insults rapper 50 Cent's handling of their relationship, deeming it to be "ghetto love." As if she expected anything more of a man who considers a bulletproof vest part of a three-piece suit. [Scoop]
• Determined to convince Jennifer Lopez of the evils of fur, PETA-loving Beatle-wife Heather Mills McCartney personally marched a video of animals being skinned alive over to Lopez's Sweetface clothing offices. Alas, Lopez wasn't around for a viewing. We doubt she even knows she has a Sweetface clothing line. [Lowdown]
• French tabloids regurgitate old quotes from Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria to make it seem as if she's cheating on her basketballing boy-toy Tony Parker. How appalling; our American gossip columns would never do such a thing. [Page Six]
• Director Guy Ritchie shoves lamb roast in Madonna's face, to which his wife responds by dumping couscous in his lap. All this loving laughter, however, does not change the fact that his latest film reportedly sucks. [R&M]

We're sorry for the late notice, but you've still got a few minutes left to haul ass to the Virgin Megastore in Union Square, where 50 Cent will be signing copies of his new autobiography, From Pieces to Weight. (Be sure to say hi to Lloyd Grove for us; he'll surely be on the scene as his new beat seems to encompass all things "Fitty.") Because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we're sure Mr. Cent will take kindly to those of you wearing bulletproof vests and Kevlar top hats.

· Martin Sheen raged against the Warner Brothers PR machine at an international press junket last Tuesday, giving a "very passionate speech about how the p.r. man should not dictate what questions the journalists were allowed to ask, what he was allowed to discuss, and how this was a good example of why he felt the need to speak his mind." [Page Six]
· Stephen Sondheim is (inexplicably) doing a musical version of Bill Murray's Groundhog Day. [Page Six]
· Rapper 50 Cent bought his six-year-old son a kiddie-sized tailor-made bulletproof vest. [Page Six]
· Antonio Banderas on LA: "I don't like living in California. I like Spain. People in Los Angeles are fake." [Cindy Adams]
· Liz Smith points out that Brian Tolle and Brian Clynecreators of the critically acclaimed Irish Hunger Memorial in Battery Park Citywill not be allowed to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade because they are gay. [Liz Smith]
· Security guards at the Jean Paul Gautier show covered PETA protesters in fur coats as they hauled them away. [NY Daily News]

[More from the NYT rap department, yo] Queens-born rapper "50 Cent" to NYT reporter Lola Ogunnaike: "I can't even identify with you when you tell me that you've got to get up and go to work in the morning. I hope I never have to."
Amid much anticipation, a rapper makes a debut [NYT]