Duggars be damned: It turns out presidential Easter ham Mike Huckabee has another alleged child molester in his coterie. A prolific co-author of Huck’s and other Christian moralists’ books left his church and escaped prosecution when the statute of limitations ran out on his alleged sexual assaults of a young girl.
Some competitors thrive on being the underdog. Some find humor and vigor in humiliating setbacks. And some are just glass-jawed failure artists, their piled losses more befitting than any theoretical small victory. Rick Santorum is the latter, having reached mediocrity’s apogee while eating lunch alone on Monday.
People forget today that George W. Bush first ran for president as a “compassionate conservative” because it was novel to do so: Most conservatives openly acknowledged that they were pricks by 2000. Like George’s brother Jeb, who wrote in 1995 of wanting society to attach a “sense of ridicule” to single parenting.
Rick Perry’s presidential campaign launched today on the premise that you don’t need to be able to count to three as long as you can push the red button. But amid his militaristic orgy of self-praise, dumb media people had a dumb media argument about the emo twins flanking Perry. Caitlyn Jenner was involved.
Imagine a drama kid—without good looks, singing or dancing ability, who wants to be president, is pretty sure your opinions suck, and thinks you’re an idiot. You just imagined a college parliamentary debater. And who do college parliamentary debaters think are irritating, pitiful jagoffs? In the 1990s, it was Ted Cruz.
A lot of people in the United States don't know anything about soon-to-be ex-senator Marco Rubio of Florida, which means he theoretically still has a chance to be president, the same way the Philadelphia Phillies can still theoretically win this year's pennant. It will not last, and it will never have been realistic.
Or an upside-down American flag teardrop. Either way, God bless the U.S.A. and her patriotic defenders!
It's official, Ted Cruz is running for president and he hopes to earn your support—you can tell by this lovely video he tweeted along with the message, "I'm running for President and I hope to earn your support!."
In a profile by The National Journal's Marin Cogan, former Democratic Governor Brian Schweitzer reveals he has a special talent — for sniffing out gays. "Don't hold this against me, but I'm going to blurt it out," he told Cogan after she asked about former Majority Leader Eric Cantor's recent primary defeat.
Is it trying to get you to associate the Republican Party with SportsCenter? Hoping you'll fall for a lovable anti-Clinton mascot costume? Trying to court nut producers for donations? Who knows? The point is: Reince Priebus wanted it, and it's in HD, so watch the damn turd.
Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign — or book tour, whatever — kicked off this week with a Diane Sawyer interview and a Hard Choices signing at the Union Square Barnes & Noble. So now it's officially time for conservatives to give President Obama a break and start building their case against Clinton for 2016.
