The California man who claimed he’d discovered a deep-fried rat in his three-piece chicken last week finally agreed to turn the unknown-substance-tender over to the company, and the Col. Sanders administration released the results of a DNA test Monday. Result: the rat was—as KFC had asserted in an amateurish Chart Brut—actually made of chicken.

Sure, like we’re just supposed to believe Kentucky Fried Chicken and science instead of our gut revulsion to any piece of food that looks like it has a tail? KFC has asked the customer, Devorise Dixon, to “apologize and cease making false claims about the KFC brand,” but why should he, when they haven’t even produced the so-called chicken’s longform birth certificate?

Harlan Sanders bleached his goatee to match his white hair. What else is his business deceiving us about? Is the fake rat just a false flag, set up so the company could order a high-profile genetic test to dispel pernicious rumors about the contents of its 100% White Meat Chicken?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m running out of thumbtacks and string for my corkboard full of polaroids of half-eaten chicken tenders.

[h/t L.A. Times]