Scottish Castles Are Cheaper than New York Apartments

94.27K

Hamilton Nolan

08/30/13 09:53AM

Filed to: real estate

The average rent here in Brooklyn is over $3,000 a month. In New York City, where humans cannot afford to live, the average apartment sells for more than $1.4 million. You fools. You could have a Braveheart castle for that price!

The Wall Street Journal reports that there has never been a better time to buy a huge country estate way the hell out in Loch Nowhere, Scotland, except perhaps during the years when you could have purchased these castles for a large quantity of hay. Still, just look at these prices! Every castle must go!

A fantasy highland home—whether it be a full-scale castle, a sporting estate or a historic country house—is becoming an increasingly appealing addition to the property portfolios of the superrich... According to data from estate agent Savills, the average price paid in 2007 for a prime country house was $1.856 million. Today, prices are struggling to return to that high point, standing at $1.127 million.

That's right: you can buy your "fantasy highland home" for less than you would pay for a one bedroom in Murray Hill. Sure, a full-on castle with the turrets and catapults and whatnot might run a little higher, but it's still a deal. The ceaseless grey skies and depression come free!

[WSJ. Photo: Flickr]

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18

Cherith Cutestory Hamilton Nolan 08/30/13 10:43AM

I am just waiting it out until someone bequeaths me one in a will on the condition that I stay there one whole night.

8

HubcapJenny Cherith Cutestory 08/30/13 10:58AM

I've so got to put a clause like that in my will. I think it'll help lighten up the mood. A little will humor there.

3

Dear Zeus Cherith Cutestory 08/30/13 11:08AM

I'll bring the ghost hunting tools and the vacuum. Cuz you know that shit's gonna be dusty AND haunted.

1

Cherith Cutestory Dear Zeus 08/30/13 11:34AM

Great! I'll bring my sketchy third cousin who just got out of jail and has an axe to grind.

1

Cherith Cutestory HubcapJenny 08/30/13 11:35AM

My lack of worldly possessions (through being broke not some enlightened crap) is all the humor my will needs.

12

olal Hamilton Nolan 08/30/13 09:59AM

Hmm. I think New Yorkers might notice the loss of NEW YORK though. They like that New York. They like it quite a bit.

Still, what you lose in cronuts, you gain in midges, or something.

18

Malacoda, Recumbent on the Burning Sand. olal 08/30/13 10:22AM

And the homeless there are adorable. They sleep under hedgerows by day, caper in the moonlight and all they ask is that you leave out a saucer of milk on the doorstep. They call them wee folk I believe.

6

olal Malacoda, Recumbent on the Burning Sand. 08/30/13 10:38AM

Wombles, actually. These homeless favour parks, and as you can see from the photo, Scotland is basically a big park.

I haven't seen any in London for literally years, but at least one of their extended family was Scottish. I expect they were attracted up there by all the booze and heroin.

jacobite olal 08/30/13 10:44AM

or the warm and friendly people... conspicuous by their absence in London...

1

dervj olal 08/30/13 10:53AM

The Wombles are actually from Wimbledon

5

mar1111 Hamilton Nolan 08/30/13 09:57AM

But the maintenance!

24

김치전! mar1111 08/30/13 10:00AM

And the Scots!

4

senilezombiegrouchomarx mar1111 08/30/13 10:17AM

Castles and manors need a small crude oil well just to keep them heated. You weren't meant to actually heat the entire building, even certain rooms in Versailles are too large to be heated by the largely useless fireplaces. Then you have to factor in the endless upkeep, cleaning, the fact that you're lucky to have 2 bathrooms in the whole place, the drafts, the gardens, the preservation legislation (which makes many simple repairs subject to approval)...

There's a reason why impoverished aristocrats are dumping their traditional family homes for less practically nothing.

2

jacobite 김치전! 08/30/13 10:40AM

easy tiger... could be worse, could be the English...

symbolicgesture senilezombiegrouchomarx 08/30/13 10:40AM

Don't they have Merry Maids in Scotland?

9

SimulatedSnowman Hamilton Nolan 08/30/13 09:56AM

Maaaaaaan after watching a whole bunch of ghost hunter type shows about Scotland, the only thing I could think of when being shown a Scottish castle would be this comic right here.

2

DoraDoraBoBora SimulatedSnowman 08/30/13 10:52AM

Hahaha, it's like, "Well, on the one hand, there is PROBABLY no such thing as vengeful murder blood ghosts... but on the other... do I want to be the casualty that proves that wrong to the world?"

5

Cherith Cutestory SimulatedSnowman 08/30/13 11:40AM

If there is such a thing as ghosts they would definitely be in Scotland. Bunch of stubborn ghosts who think Heaven seems a bit gaudy for their taste.

2

bella_spruce SimulatedSnowman 08/30/13 03:20PM

And here I thought the cartoon pertained to a cheap apartment in New York.

1

raincoaster SimulatedSnowman 08/30/13 06:31PM

When I was little, my mother used to comb the obituaries looking for a house for us. We moved into a house that had hosted a gruesome murder. There was still blood on the walls when we moved in, and my sister and I weren't allowed in the basement for months, until it had all been painted over. The first money my parents spent on the house was for paint to cover the splashes.