With all of the sharp edges floating around society today, the risk of penis-severing has never been higher. Fortunately for mankind, researchers now say they may be close to perfecting lab-grown penises. Grown... I bet ;)

The Guardian interviewed the man leading the thrust of this research: Dick-tor (his formal title is medical doctor—not sacrificing journalism for jokes no matter how much fun we have here) Anthony Atala. Make you holla? ;)

Atala hopes his technique will mitigate both immunological and psychological issues because his penises would be engineered using a patient's own cells. "The phallus is actually much longer than you think," he explains. "It goes all the way behind the pelvis, so no matter the extent of the damage, there is a high probability that there are salvageable cells."

Wow Dr. Atala—stop bragging! (About the length of the phallus.) "It goes all the way behind the pelvis"—she said! You're right about that one, sir ;)

Organs increase in architectural complexity as they go from flat structures such as skin, cylindrical structures such as the vagina, to hollow non-tubular organs such as the bladder. As a solid organ, the penis tops this list in both density of cells and structural complexity.

Solid organ—I'll say ;)

"We were completely stuck," says Atala of the first few years of research in the early 90s.

Just pull, doctor! Haha ;) Hey, this news is everywhere!

But how does one grow a penis? Atala starts with a donor organ, then washes it in detergent to get rid of any cells that might be rejected by the new host.

Rejected? I don't think so ;)

Atala's team are working on 30 different types of tissues and organs, including the kidney and heart.

Does he have your heart, girl? (Euphemism.) You can probably thank a penis ;)

(Lab-grown or otherwise—no judgment ;))

[Photo: Shutter-cock (in fact the name of the "firm" ;) is Shutterstock)]