Why is it that you think dudes who could kick your ass are huge, but you think dudes whose ass you could kick are teeny-tiny? Because you are not smart, haha, just playing, brother. You are not smart because of science.

The LA Times reports on the various findings of UCLA researcher Daniel Fessler, who studies the factors that contribute to men's perceptions of how big (and scary) or small (and puny) other men are. Among his findings: Men perceive other men to be larger if they're holding a gun, have a reputation for being risk-takers, or have "names associated with blacks," rather than whites; and men who are standing on solid ground, walking in lockstep with others, or are in a group usually perceive potential foes as smaller.

Fessler is an evolutionary psychologist, so some will automatically challenge his findings based on the belief that evolutionary psychology is bullshit (NEVER get involved in a conversation with someone who feels passionately about this subject, on either side.) But these findings do seem to line up with the old saying, "Dudes are fucking idiots who base their wild ideas of whose ass they could or could not kick on purely prejudicial factors that have little if anything to do with whether or not they could or could not, in fact, kick said dude's ass."

It sure does take a big man—to love. Fellas? Fellas! Fellas.

[Photo: AP]