CITIZEN'S ARREST! A person who controls a wifi near the "combination hair salon and toy store on the increasingly stylish Fifth Avenue strip of Park Slope" called LuLu's has given his or her network a positively vulgar name. It is a name that threatens to sully the posh and sophisticated reputation of a shop that charges $26 to give your child a new lease on life via his or her tresses ($10 for just a bangs job). It is a name that is not good for kids.

In House of Cards, Kevin Spacey plays a duplicitous, self-serving networker who masterfully manipulates the political process for his own career gain. He is now playing this role in real life, as well.

ABC News has hired former New York City police commissioner Ray Kelly as a consultant. “It is an honor and privilege to have him on our team,” writes ABC News President Ben Sherwood.

Take the typical cat—self-centered, hungry, bent on tearing down the world and remaking it in its own image—and give it a gritty Christopher Nolan reboot. Boom. You've got BaneCat. And you have his permission to die (right after you feed him.)

On Thursday, the Seattle Police Department released 35 new photos from the scene of Kurt Cobain's suicide. The new photos come just eight days after police reexamined Cobain's suicide and released two other photos from the scene.

HBO's Girls, a show in which the children of famous people play the children of non-famous people, ended its season this week with the lead character being accepted into the University of Iowa's Writer's Workshop. The University of Iowa has responded with: Do not come here.

Jo Milne has been deaf since birth due to Usher syndrome, a rare and incurable genetic disorder that can cause hearing loss and visual impairment. Now, at age 40, her new cochlear implants are allowing her to hear for the first time.

Seven-term Republican Rep. Mike Rogers announced on Friday that he won't seek reelection. Instead, the House Intelligence Committee chairman and longtime-defender of the NSA will host a national radio program.

Australia announced Friday that it was sending ten planes and six ships to a new search site after radar data showed that Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 was flying at a fast pace and would have burned through its fuel sooner than investigators had estimated.

The video is titled "instant karma," but that's not what it is. It is exactly what happens when you drive like an asshole.

Police say they arrested a Utah woman named Crispi for trying to burn her ex-boyfriend's house down with a flaming pile of bacon.

Peter Dinklage made an appearance on Letterman last night to promote the season premiere of Game of Thrones and admitted he's not a fan of the books.

Latest in the in-depth coverage of the wide-reaching effects of a drunk secret service agent: the citizens of Amsterdam, "taking advantage of a lovely spring day to partake of the city's pleasures, which famously include coffee along the canals and marijuana in the coffee shops," don't care at all.

For months, baggage handlers at Los Angeles International Airport treated luggage conveyor belts like a buffet line, pocketing electronics, jewelry, and other valuable items from checked bags and selling them on Craigslist.

Facebook's Internet.org initiative is working on a fleet of drones, satellites, and lasers, with the aim of "beaming internet from the sky" to every person potential Facebook user in the world.

We live in a marvelous, annoying era in which startup geniuses constantly getting rich by "disrupting" mundane industries. Hotels? Disrupted. Taxis? Disrupted. On behalf of the beleaguered apartment hunters of New York City, I humbly request that someone disrupt real estate agents out of existence.

A fourth person has died from injuries sustained during this month's deadly car crash at the South by Southwest festival.

Today, a Montana federal court sentenced 22-year-old Jordan Graham to thirty years in prison for, well, there's really no delicate way of putting this: Shoving her husband of approximately eight days, 25-year-old Cody Johnson, off a cliff in Glacier National Park.

Earlier today, the Air Force fired nine nuclear commanders and announced plans to discipline dozens of junior officers in response to a widespread exam-cheating scandal.

What else do you need? (The answer is nothing. You need nothing else in your life but this.)