Adam Weinstein · 04/16/14 12:46PM

A Washington Post commenter complaining that the "Heartbleed thingamajig" was no big deal posted his email and social media passwords in his rant, to prove nothing would happen if they were out in the open. Something happened. What did we learn?

Why AOL Let AIM Die Even Though Everyone Loved It

Jordan Sargent · 04/16/14 12:30PM

As a company, AOL has made some horrible decisions. Slightly worse than its merger with Time Warner—one of the biggest disasters in American business history—was its decision to let its incredibly popular messaging client, AIM, wither and die. This is why that happened.

Teen With Down Syndrome Opens His College Acceptance Letter

Jay Hathaway · 04/16/14 11:45AM

When high school senior Noah VanVooren was born with Down Syndrome 18 years ago, doctors told his parents he would never be able to "walk, talk, or do anything," his dad says. Well, Noah just found out he'll be going to college in the fall.

This Man Wants His Penis To Be the Most Famous Penis on Earth (NSFW)

Rich Juzwiak · 04/16/14 11:40AM

Tom Mitchell so loves his penis that he calls it "Elmo" and wants to donate it—not for science, exactly, but for mass admiration. Coming in somewhere between a real, live Christopher Guest character and someone who'd be profiled on a TLC reality show, Mitchell is the clear star of directors Jonah Bekhor and Zach Math's The Final Member, a documentary about the Iceland Phallological Museum that opens Friday in select cities.

Attention SoHo Boutiques: Do Not Let Taylor Swift Return These Jeans

Caity Weaver · 04/16/14 11:15AM

Nashville drifter Taylor was photographed in New York City on Tuesday, trying out a cheerful spring look and running a scam as usual. While we don't know for sure if her bag was made of carpet, we can say for certain that her jeans were made of 55% Cotton/42% Tencel/3% Polyurethane, because she left the tag on them. Swift, who can afford but one pair of pants at a time, is no doubt planning to return these trousers at a later date, either for cash or store credit: "Hi. I'd like to return these unworn pants. No, they are unworn."

KFC Is Bringing Back the Double Down

Jay Hathaway · 04/16/14 10:40AM

In recognition of America's insatiable craving for chicken, chicken-like food products, and Frankenfoods, KFC is resurrecting its stomach-turning bunless chicken sandwich, the Double Down. The monster was first introduced in 2010, but its availability in the U.S. has been limited over the past few years.

Michelle Dean · 04/16/14 08:43AM

Mt. Gox, the beleaguered Bitcoin exchange, reportedly told a Tokyo court that it's giving up the ghost. It will shut down entirely and pay creditors out of what's left. That means its creditors are likely to get relatively few of their lost bitcoins (and other investments) back.