A friendly fire air strike in Afghanistan's Zabul Province killed five U.S. special operations soldiers and at least one Afghan soldier last night.

A 2-year-old boy visiting San Francisco with his family from Utah was killed after a dolphin statue outside a store in the city's Fisherman's Wharf fell on him. Police are investigating whether the store, Majestic Collection Art Gallery, was in violation for having the statue on a busy walkway.

Overeducated actor James Franco has a short story, titled "Bungalow 89," in Vice's new fiction issue. Although this tale would portend to be fictional, it contains a number of seemingly biographical details about a "character" he went ahead and called "Lindsay Lohan."

According to a new audit of the hospitals and clinics run by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, more than 57,000 patients have been waiting more than three months for medical care.

In keeping with the tradition of elaborate public marriage proposals, Maryanne Firth, a reporter for the Welland Tribune in Canada, was shocked to discover that the man placing pink heart signs all over town—which she had been reporting on for weeks—was her fiancé-to-be.

Suspected Boko Haram gunmen have reportedly abducted 20 women from the village of Garkin Fulani, Nigeria, just miles away from the Chibok, where hundreds of girls were taken in April. The Nigerian Islamic militants forced the girls into their vehicles by gunpoint and also reportedly kidnapped three young men attempting to stop the abduction.

President Obama went on a "surprise" walk today to a Starbucks near the White House, where he ordered "just some tea," even though it was 80 degrees in D.C. As he began strolling down Pennsylvania Avenue, he joked with the horde of reporters trailing him, "The bear is loose!"

Sky News is reporting that Vice Media is currently in negotiations to sell "a major stake in itself" to Time Warner in a deal that would value Vice at $2.2 billion. Perhaps they'll finally make enough money to pay their staff a living wage?

Orange Is the New Black star and groundbreaking TIME covergirl Laverne Cox appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today and endured a particularly dumb line of questioning about being transgender from Williams. Williams' several questions about Cox's gender identity included:

Comedian Tracy Morgan is still in critical condition after a truck collided with his limo bus on the New Jersey turnpike early Saturday morning, killing one person and injuring four. But there is some good news, Morgan's fiancée Megan Wollover said through a spokesperson: The rumors that the actor would lose a leg are totally bogus.

A year before he murdered two police officers and a bystander in Las Vegas, a groggy Jerad Miller took to YouTube to claim the founding fathers would have loved assault weapons.

"Imagine an editor asking a writer to passionately articulate why a drunk driver hitting and killing a boy on a bicycle is wrong and sad. That would never happen, because a drunk driver killing a boy on a bike is a self-evident tragedy," Gawker Alumnus Cord Jefferson on "The Racism Beat" for Matter.

About a year ago I moved into an apartment with two other long-haired girls and we made a cleaning schedule to keep everything in order. A few months in, I started getting complaints that when it was my turn to clean the bathroom, I did not remove the hairs that accumulate on the drain. I explained that this was because none of those hairs are actually mine as we all have very different hair colors and I have always had the habit of picking up to throw away my hairs every time I shower. (I also think that they don't clean other things properly but have never said anything because worse than being complained to about petty things is complaining about them). I quickly realized that both roommates were very spoilt and continued to believe that I should clean up after them, so I decided to oblige to their requests and start clearing the drain. Using their toothbrushes.

"The number of Americans who would qualify for federal long-term unemployment benefits — a program Congress allowed to expire in December — has now hit 3 million."

In fairness, the state's schools have been preparing for this day for a long time.

After Jerad and Amanda Miller killed two police officers and a Wal-Mart shopper this weekend, neighbors described the couple as supporters of Cliven Bundy who boasted about their gun collection and plans to commit a shooting. The video above, showing Jerad Miller speaking at the Bundy ranch, confirms the connection.

NBC News 4 reports that a Los Angeles teacher allegedly drunkenly pulled a knife on students in their car Saturday night and demanded they take him to the fast food chain Jack in the Box. The teacher, 34-year-old Edward Maust, was charged with kidnapping, false imprisonment, and criminal threats after surrendering to the police Sunday afternoon.

At Friday's Weezer show in St. Augustine, Fla., drummer Patrick Wilson demonstrated the proper way to handle a frisbee thrown at you by a member of the audience: smoothly, and without missing a beat.

If you, like many of us, devoted a large portion of your weekend to watching the second season of Orange Is the New Black on Netflix, you probably have a lot to discuss. There are new inmates, new teeth, new plants, new drugs, but still a lot of the same old shit in Litchfield. Some of that shit is even in the showers.

This is from last night Tony Awards, during which Bryan Cranston won the award for Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play. Chris O'Dowd was also nominated in that category and lost so well that he ended up winning anyway. This is how you do it.