Egyptian authorities have asked YouTube to remove a video of a 19-year-old student being sexually assaulted by at least seven men and dragged through Tahrir Square during the weekend's inaugural celebrations. A spokesman for President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi confirmed to Reuters that the victim herself wants the video to be taken down.

Phyllis Patterson, a former high school English teacher who more or less invented the American tradition of the Renaissance Faire, died last month. Per the New York Times's obit, at her demise she "was 82 and lived in a log cabin" in California. In other words, she lived the hippie-Elizabethan dream.

Steve Schwarzman, the multibillionaire head of Blackstone Group, is the worst thing to happen to rich people's reputations since the creation of the Real Housewives franchise. Every time Steve Schwarzman opens his mouth, the billionaires of the world should cringe.

Sunni insurgents advancing towards Baghdad took two more towns in Iraq last night, seizing control of Saadiyah and Jalawla as Iraqi security forces reportedly abandoned their posts without a fight.

Remember the worst round of Family Feud ever played, where a woman brought shame on her family and left Steve Harvey shaking his head? Well, Hodor.

The New Jersey legislature is preparing to ban bestiality in this year of our Lord, 2014. State residents, if your thing is dolphins, cows, whatever — the clock's ticking.

Someone — a viewer upset at the network's waning coverage of MH370? — drove a large Mercedes-Benz through the front window of the CNN Center in Atlanta at around 4:15 this morning. CNN is reporting no injuries.

Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl returned to the states early this morning to continue his "reintegration process" at the Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Tx. According to The New York Times, this next phase could last "weeks or longer," and he will likely reunite with his parents at the end of it.

On tonight's The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, disgraced New Jersey governor Chris Christie danced like no one was watching in the "Evolution of Dad Dancing" skit. The "joke" is that Chris Christie dances like a buffoon that makes you want to scrub your eyes with bleach, and it is also "true." Way to get in front of the ridicule this time, Chris.

Miriam "Mae Mae" Burbank's two daughters told WGNO in New Orleans that their mother was "full of life" and that they wanted her funeral to be just as lively. A "last party" if you will. So they convinced funeral directors to help stage her body with all of her favorite things: Busch beer, menthols, crossword puzzles, disco lights, and tiny New Orleans Saints helmets.

The Rosenberg, Texas Police Department has a very active Facebook page. "We actually want to be able to show people that we're just people, just like everybody else," they tell KPRC. To wit, officers Aerial Ronell and Ranell Roy filmed themselves jamming out to Katy Perry's "Dark Horse." You think Ronell is not so into it at first (Roy is so into it), but then that (absurd) Juicy J verse comes in and all is well.

David LaVera was arrested by police in Iowa after allegedly impersonating an actor from the Twilight movies in order to lure underage girls. He was caught driving with 14-year-old Raven Adams, who has accused him of molesting her.

It is in the face of death that we all learn what we are truly made of. If you were, for example, a pig being taken to slaughter, would you attempt to jump from the truck as it speeds down the highway, the driver salivating just at the thought of you being turned into bacon? Or would you embrace death, letting those final moments of life wash over you and calm you before your throat is slit? One brave pig dared to jump.

Dubya the First is 90 years young today. To ring in the occasion, he went skydiving near the coast of Maine. Ever the daredevil, Old Dubya skydived for his 80th and 85th birthdays, too. His first jump was in 1944, when his plane was shot down over the Pacific in WWII.

Nichole Reed confessed to Orange City, Fla. police that she did indeed stuff seven lobster tails—Publix retail value: $11.99—down her pants. She was hoping, she told police, to trade the tails for some Chinese food. Or pills. It didn't work out.

Hero/traitor/cyberman Edward Snowden is physically still stuck in Russia, but he gives talks and interviews in the U.S. via a telepresence robot that shows his face in real time and allows him to see his interviewers. And help rescue them during seizures.

Today is the debut of Clickhole, the new site from The Onion that takes on your Buzzfeeds and Upworthys, and it's already off to a very encouraging start. Here is the funniest video so far.

In long investigation published today on The New Republic’s website, left-wing journalist Christopher Ketcham formally accused another lefty writer, former Times editor and Nation Institute fellow Christopher Hedges, of lifting passages from other writers (including Ernest Hemingway) for columns at Truthdig.com, several of his own books, and an essay for Harper’s that was never published.

We get tips. Lots of them. Sometimes Gawker features editor Tom Scocca responds to them. These conversations are memorialized here in an occasional feature we call Tom Tips Back.