Chickens: pretty good. Do we need to improve them? Maybe.

Longtime GOP Rep. Frank Lucas won his primary in Oklahoma on Tuesday, but one of his opponents is pretty sure the real Frank Lucas died three years ago. Tim Murray wrote a letter announcing his plan to contest Lucas's win, explaining, "It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike."

Above, we see someone attempting to parallel park their mid-sized sedan in a very big-sized spot.

Liberia's top governmental medical officer is pleading with the country's pastors to stop keeping people infected with ebola in churches. Many there believe they "can be healed through prayer."

Shia LaBeouf, former star of Michael Bay movies where he talks to giant, animated toys, was arrested last night by police after showing up to a Broadway production of Cabaret drunk and smoking in the theater. According to a witness seated next to him last night at the show, he was a "congenial drunk" having a hell of time, even falling out of his chair at the site of Alan Cumming.

After Ernest Baker's essay about interracial relationships, "The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black," ran on Gawker earlier this month we received hundreds of comments and emails objecting to, agreeing with, or otherwise responding to Baker. This week, we're publishing some of those responses as part of a conversation about race and relationships.

Today Politico Magazine’s Timothy J. Burger looks back at the “gay underground” of the George W. Bush administration, whose leaders famously supported amending the U.S. Constitution to federally ban gay marriage, and even paid off newspaper columnists to defend the amendment. So how big was the Bush White House’s velvet mafia? We finally have an answer.

The Clarion-Ledger reports that Mark Mayfield, the Mississippi Tea Party leader recently arrested on conspiracy charges, has died from an apparent suicide. He was the vice chairman of the Mississippi Tea Party, and he actively campaigned against re-elected Sen. Thad Cochran. According to WAPT, he shot himself in the head.

Chinese billionaire Chen Guangbiao garnered tons of publicity for his bizarre stunt luncheon at which he failed to give a promised $300 each to hundreds of homeless New Yorkers. But the real villain was not Chen—it was a charity that serves the homeless.

Jordan D. Haskins, candidate for Michigan Legislature, wants everyone to know conservatives embrace imperfect people, too. So let him explain his multiple felony convictions for breaking into government vehicles, disconnecting the sparkplugs, and jerking off while the engines cranked.

The opinion section of the Wall Street Journal, bastion of virile American traditionalism, wanted a metaphor for how thoroughly President Obama had been humiliated by the Supreme Court's limitation on recess appointments. You know what is really humiliating? When there's a sports contest and one sports-person fails to sport at all. Behold the feeble Mr. Obama, trying to throw the base-ball for points, only to have the justices unanimously refuse to hit him any points. "Obama pitches a shutout"! What a bad ball-pitcher he is!

On Tuesday, burglars made off with an iPad, Macbook, and jewelry from Barbara August's New Jersey home. They also took her puppy Pepper, a black, gray, and white schnauzer-poodle mix. August is, understandably, devastated.

Once upon a time, there were zero hippos in Colombia. Now, there are dozens. For that, we have Pablo Escobar to thank.

Some people work for the man, others make the man work for them. Diane Stretton is/was a live-in nanny hired by the Bracamonte family of Upland, Calif. A few months ago she stopped working and, after being fired, refused to leave the family's home. She has also imposed Nanny's Law—invented by Diane Stretton—on the household.

A very haggard-looking Shia LaBeouf was released from jail this morning, hours after he was dragged from a performance of Cabaret and arrested. LaBeouf pleaded not guilty to two charges of criminal trespass and one charge disorderly conduct.

It's summer! In the city! So much to add to your seasonal to-do list, including: a bounce castle filled with enormous inflatable tits at Manhattan's Museum of Sex.

Director Michael Bay is known for adding a certain bigoted flair to his big-budget box-office blockbusters. He's been called out repeatedly for what people perceive as misogyny and racism (mostly in his stereotypical portrayals of women and minorities), and especially homophobia. The video above focuses on that last point via a montage of the several different ways that Bay has...fun with gay sexuality (gay dogs in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), mistaken gay sexuality, effete gay stereotypes, perceived gay weakness, and everyone's favorite excuse to act like a raging, violent monster, gay panic. All are included above, which uses clips from seven movies Bay has directed and spans 1995's Bad Boys to 2013's Pain & Gain, in which Mark Wahlberg charmingly asks a group of children, "We got no homos in this gang, right?"

David Frasier, 49, was on vacation in the Outer Banks of North Carolina when he was buried alive and killed by sand. He died while building a tunnel to connect two six-foot-deep holes he'd dug earlier in the day.

Writing exactly what happens in the PSA above will kind of spoil the magic, so I'll just say this: It involves two kids enthusiastically sword-fighting with a pair big ol' dildos in the front lawn while their horrified mothers look on.

The final clue on last night's Jeopardy!: "In 1891, this European said, 'Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses.'"