One of the two 12-year-old girls accused of stabbing another girl 19 times to please the mythological creature Slender Man has been found mentally incompetent. Both suspects appeared in court today, "wearing shackles and blue jail jumpsuits as their parents looked on somberly," according to NBC News.

"The latrines are indeed kind of full. My eyes water with the smell of freedom." GQ's Zach Baron ventured out to Bunkerville and wrote the ultimate postmortem on Cliven Bundy, his army encampment of misanthropes, and the American revolution that wasn't.

Well, this is cathartic. During the annual Gay Pride parade in Seattle, a drag queen who goes by the name of Mama Tits confronted a pack of garden-variety Bible thumpers telling the gays to repent. Ms. Tits called them on their shit while conducting herself in a manner far more "Christian" than they were.

If Wikipedia says it, it must be true: Tim Howard, who stopped approximately 14,000 shots on goal in the U.S. Men's National Team's narrow World Cup loss to Belgium last night, is the USA's acting Secretary of Defense.

Diane Stretton, the "monster nanny" who has become a family's worst nightmare by refusing to move out of their house after being fired a month ago, has finally agreed to vacate the premises by July 6. That is, as long as the Bracamonte family meets her list of demands.

The FTC has charged T-Mobile with stealing hundreds of millions of dollars of their customers' money by billing them for services they didn't sign up for. Okay. So. Which T-Mobile executive will be going to jail?

Two legally armed Georgia men made good use of the state's open-carry law on its first day of implementation by starting a gun-rights pissing match in a convenience store, challenging each other's authority, and occasioning a drawdown and an arrest.

After a recent security crackdown in Xinjiang, a region in the northwest of China, Chinese authorities are imposing a ban on Ramadan fasting for students, government officials, and civil servants, claiming that the ban is aimed at protecting people's "wellbeing."

Luz Avilla, 34, of Chickasha, Okla., led cops on a high speed chase this week because she wanted to be booked into a certain jail. The accommodations in Caddo County are preferable to those in Grady County, apparently.

In the 1930s, the Nazi party began issuing propaganda featuring the image of a "perfect Aryan" child. If you were looking to build a master race of adorable white people, you could do a lot worse: Hessy Taft, the model, had round eyes, a charmingly surprised expression, and a perfectly tousled tuft of dark hair on her head. She was also Jewish.

Adam Richman, a man who eats sandwiches professionally, was scheduled to eat some other things professionally today as part of a new show called Man Finds Food. That's no longer going to happen, because the Man vs. Food host started an Instagram flame war that culminated in his calling a woman a "cunt."

Oscar Pistorius was not mentally ill when he shot and killed his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, according to a court-ordered assessment released last week. He is now traumatized because of the killing, however, and suffers from depression and PTSD. According to a new psych report compiled for the court, he "will become an increasing suicide risk unless he continues to get mental health care."

Americans spend close to $2 billion a day dining out, and most of that money ain't being spent at The Four Seasons, if you know what we mean. (It is being spent on cheap garbage food.) Heartbreakingly, Americans now say they loathe the fast food chains to which they've pledged their lives.

The latest edition of Jimmy Kimmel's Lie Witness News asks soccer "fans" what they thought about about the World Cup performance of Landon Donovan — who was cut from the team before the cup even began.

A Palestinian teenager was seen being forced into a car in East Jerusalem early Wednesday morning. The teen was killed, and his partially burned body was found in a nearby forest just hours later. Palestinians say the murder was revenge for the three Israeli teens who were kidnapped and killed earlier this month.

Yesterday evening, a propane tank inside a food truck in Philadelphia's Feltonville neighborhood exploded, engulfing the vehicle in flames and critically injuring the mother and daughter who were working the truck.

Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko visits troops in the eastern city of Izyum. Poroshenko recently called off Ukraine's ceasefire agreement with pro-Russian separatists and vowed that attacks would resume. Heavy fighting was reported in the country Tuesday. Photo by Mykhailo Markiv via AP.

Police in Hong Kong arrested 196 protesters at a sit-in following a rally staged by hundreds of thousands in protest of the Chinese government. Organizers have said that 510,000 people marched in the annual demonstration to mark the day the British colony was returned to China. Protests have become increasingly vocal in Hong Kong as Beijing attempts to reaffirm sovereignty over the largely autonomous city-state.

"Watters' World" is The O'Reilly Factor's Daily Show-esque segment wherein reporter Jesse Watters attempts to skewer issues and ideas capturing/distracting the American conversation. In this edition, Watters crashes the 2014 National Organization for Women conference in Albuquerque to figure out what the hell these broads are even talking about when they say there's a "war on women."

Nicolas Sarkozy, the former president of France, was charged by prosecutors Wednesday "with corruption and influence peddling in a criminal investigation," the AFP reports. Sarkozy was detained earlier today by anti-corruption police and questioned for 15 hours.