Burger King is quietly phasing out its lower-calorie "Satisfries" after less than a year, because—let's face it—this is America.

In a statement released to the press this afternoon, Robin Williams' wife Susan Schneider revealed that the actor, who died of suicide Monday afternoon in his home, was suffering from the early stages of Parkinson's Disease.

At a rally against Israel's bombing of Gaza over the weekend in Seattle, a shirtless man allegedly harassed protesters, yelled, picked fights, and used words like "towelhead." When a security guard was called to the scene, however, he ignored this alleged instigator, macing and detaining a black bystander instead.

The day after Robin Williams died, the cast of the Broadway production of Aladdin closed their performance with a nod to the actor who originally voiced the character of Genie. James Iglehart, who won a Tony playing Genie on Broadway, led the audience in a sing-along reprise of "Friend Like Me," Williams' big song from the 1992 Disney film.

At a press conference about America's ongoing military efforts in Iraq, President Obama wrapped up by making some brief, tepid comments about the militarization of the police happening right in Ferguson, Missouri. "I know that many Americans have been deeply disturbed by images we've seen from the heartland of our country," he began.

Attention, men: It is time to start thinking about your fall look. What kind of look do you want this fall? Which scenario do you identify with most?

It is not easy to find housing in big cities. In New York City, apartments are both expensive and hard to come by. Among the many ways to address this problem, here is one that should please almost everyone: make rich people live in the fucking apartments they own.

Taylor Swift, normal girl, continued her campaign to remind the world she's totes relatable and down-t0-earth by playing a tweenage dork in Jimmy Fallon's recurring teen girl stereotype segment, "Ew!"

Max Temkin, one of the creators of the wildly popular indie game Cards Against Humanity, was accused of rape last month. He denied the allegation then, bemoaning how it would "haunt me for the rest of my life." Turns out, it haunted him for about... four weeks.

A woman who filmed at least two sexually explicit videos inside a Catholic church in Hoersching, Austria, was apprehended by police after one porn viewer recognized the church and a second recognized her breasts.

Soulless PR conglomerate Edelman has apologized for its blog post advising clients how to best gain publicity after a celebrity suicide. "We did not intend to capitalize on the passing of a great actor," they said, which is a lie.

It feels good when FKA twigs's music occasionally deviates from its steady pump and, out of nowhere, changes tempo. It's hot when the 26-year-old London-based leftfield soul singer comes upon a word that she then loops like a sonic gif. "You like that? You like that?" she's implying. Yeah, I like it.

At the same time that the Ferguson Police Department was terrorizing its own citizens last night, something interesting and important happened on cable news: Ferguson Police Chief Thomas Jackson reiterated to Sean Hannity that Michael Brown struggled with his killer inside the cop's vehicle, while at the same time two new eyewitnesses told CNN that they saw no such thing.

Military advisers sent to northern Iraq this week to assess a potential rescue mission to save thousands of Yazidis trapped on Mount Sinjar have determined that an evacuation is now "far less likely," citing the success of American airstrikes on the region and successful relief efforts.

Kendall Jenner's lawyer says the young Keeping Up With the Kardashians 2: The Wrath of Khan star is prepared to sue a waitress who claimed last week that Kendall ran out on a bill and then threw cash in her face when confronted.

Is Thought Catalog's "Ferguson, Missouri Looks Like A Rap Video" by Anthony Rogers the dumbest thing that's been written about Michael Brown and the aftermath of his death so far? Let's investigate:

Joe Scarborough—a former U.S. Congressman and MSNBC's aging jam band dad—said today on Morning Joe that the two reporters detained in Ferguson, Missouri should have just listened to the police. In Scarborough's mind, The Washington Post's Wesley Lowery and The Huffington Post's Ryan J. Reilly just wanted to get on TV.

Sally Quinn is a rich creep who lives in a gold-walled mansion, throws big parties, and (still!) gets to write staggeringly inane things for the Washington Post, because she married its editor. Would you like to hear Sally Quinn's story about Lauren Bacall maybe fucking her husband? Too bad, here it is.

Some 350-odd protesters flooded the streets of Ferguson, Mo. Wednesday evening, demanding justice for the death of unarmed teenager Michael Brown and the name of the police officer who killed him. They chanted, "Hands up, don't shoot" as they marched through the predominantly black city.

Nate Silver, a man frequently hailed as the future of journalism, gave a master class this evening on How Not To React To The News That Doesn't Involve You (Ferguson edition). In short, don't make it an occasion to tell the story about That Time You Were Arrested (as a white man) and the cops were actually nice and let you eat a burrito.