Monday mornings, am I right? Or Thursday afternoons. Or just being awake in general. Oscar the Hungarian Vizsla is not having any of this.

Today, CNN's Don Lemon interviewed Talib Kweli about why the rapper chose to travel to Ferguson and participate in protests there. It did not go very well.

Police officers returned to their cars outside an NYPD Athletic League building in Greenwich Village with human excrement smeared on the door handles. Someone (or multiple people!) really wanted to give the police some shit.

Senior Hamas leader Salah Arouri said in a news conference yesterday that Hamas was indeed responsible for the kidnapping and killing of three Israeli teens that sparked the current crisis in Gaza. While Hamas has praised the act before, no Hamas official has explicitly taken credit for it.

Today The Huffington Post announced that it had chosen Mariah Stewart, a journalist based in St. Louis, as its inaugural "Ferguson Fellow" to investigate the August 9 killing of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo. over the next twelve months. One problem: Neither HuffPost nor its multi-millionaire namesake Arianna Huffington want to cough up the mere $40,000 for Stewart’s salary.

Correct: None.

What is a good reason to keep a loaded gun on a nightstand near your preteen grandkids and fire indiscriminately at one of them in the dark? According to the United States' legal consensus, being afraid is enough, because the United States is full of irrational, scared, armed citizens, and God bless 'em, huh?

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon has called for a "systematic" recalling of the state's National Guard from policing protests in Ferguson. The order follows a night of relative peace in the St. Louis suburb, where tensions remain high, but violence appears to be diminishing.

Angel-voiced Brit Sam Smith is gay, but not like those terrifying spermwhores who love sex sooooo much and will eat your children because they think it strengthens their boners. He is also 22. Since 22-year-olds routinely spout bullshit about things they know little about in an attempt to render a monolithic prescription regarding how one should live his or her life, it follows that Smith does this in regards to how one should be gay.

Here you will find a series of photo portraits of the police offers who are patrolling Ferguson, Missouri.

50 Cent used the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge to troll his former friend, boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather, with a contest of a different nature. Fuck a bucket of ice and $100: 50 will donate $750,000 to any charity if Mayweather can read an entire page of a Harry Potter book.

Fox News' resident pomade expert, Sean Hannity, had some important thoughts to share about the poor put-upon constabulary of St. Louis County, Missouri, last night. You could tell they were important because he found a local woman of color in a position of authority at whom to shout them.

Texas Monthly's Pamela Colloff has a new and excellent story out about a woman who, first as a journalist and then as part of the Texas corrections system's public relations apparatus, witnessed 278 executions. Go read it.

Although the college experience at large state universities is a nonstop sex party, the "elite" college experience is more... refined. Finding love can be difficult. Happily, our nation's future leaders now have a new crutch.

How are you feeling right now? Do you have a little stomach pain? In that case, you may want to get yourself to a doctor because you could have a 38-year-old baby skeleton camping out in your abdomen. Sixty-two-year-old Jyoti Kumar did.

These two lovebirds are wanted in connection to the burglary of a woman's home in Santa Clarita, Ca. Someone broke through a window and stole cash, jewelry, and electronics, including the phone the couple used to take this selfie with. They were determined persons of interest by police after their selfie was found backed up to the woman's cloud storage days after the burglary. "I don't know who these people are," the woman apparently told police.

If you're weary of the internet's non-stop Chris Pratt lovefest, you'll find no solace this week. Pratt once again proved himself in the role of Male Jennifer Lawrence when he visited a children's hospital Wednesday, wearing his Star-Lord outfit from Guardians of the Galaxy.

I met him in a drag bar in the West Village on one of the first warm days of the year. While I certainly get the appeal of drag queens, it's not really one of my favorite forms of entertainment. But I didn't want to be a spoiler so I watched some really large Italian man in makeup quote Trina's rap lyrics in exchange for laughter and a few dollar bills. Right around the time I thought to leave, he walked in. And we immediately locked eyes. We gazed at each other for an hour until I noticed something: He was with someone else.

Three days ago, an extended video popped up on Youtube of five mariners being shot to death in the open ocean on the wreckage of their boat, as their killers guffaw and chatter from the decks of their larger crafts. Where was the footage shot? Who were the victims and their killers? So far, no one knows for certain.

After ISIS militants and supporters disseminated video and images of James Foley's brutal beheading on Tuesday, Twitter finally cracked down, suspending the accounts of multiple ISIS accounts. Now ISIS has moved to Diaspora, a network that's having a much harder time controlling the flow of extremist propaganda.