Tourists and peace protesters barnacled outside the White House on Friday evening caught quite a show when a Texas man scaled the White House fence, raced across the lawn, and through the north portico doors before being nabbed by Secret Service agents.

Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scotland, announced that he will resign after failing to secure Scotland's independence from the UK. Salmond, who has been First Minister for seven years, will step down in November.

Model David Gandy poses with cardboard cutouts of himself wearing underwear from his new collection in London, Thursday. [Photo by Jonathan Short/Invision via AP]

Raymond Pettibon, the visual artist responsible for such iconic images as the Black Flag logo and Sonic Youth's Goo album cover, maintains a spectacularly salty online persona. Recently, he—or someone posing as him—took his mashed-out proclamations to the Hypebeast comments section, of all places, dishing out poorly spelled insults like a veteran commenter.

We often call a mischievous child a "scamp." Is that really fair? Do they "scamper" away from us by choice—or because we chase them, with an axe? We must remember that we ourselves are part of nature, along with the scamps we chop.

Thomas McGowan picked the wrong home to burglarize. This week, the 25-year-old allegedly broke into the trailer of one Jimmy Morgan, Jr., a Game of Thrones-loving Christian man who isn't afraid to use the "very quick, very agile and very deadly" short spear he keeps by his bedside.

"What the fuck are you recording me for, cocksucker?" Boot and rally, y'all. Boot and rally.

It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over: TMZ is reporting that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch June Thompson and her fairly beta other half Mike "Sugar Bear" Thompson are no more. It seems that Sugar Bear has been trolling online for a new partner, and Mama June is convinced that he's been cheating on her. Total coincidence: They just happen to be filming Season 5 of their TLC reality show as this is happening.

The drug mephedrone, commonly referred to as "Meow Meow," has been driving teens to all kinds of destruction lately. Connor Scott, a 19-year-old Meow Meow addict, reportedly admitted this week to holding up two different British clothing stores with a machete. According to the police report, when cops caught up to him, Scott said, "Get me off the streets."

Spartanburg, SC police arrested Shane Gregory, 22, for shoplifting at a Priscilla McCall's store. After setting the store's front door security alarms off, he was asked to remove the contents of his pockets by a store employee. He obliged, and allegedly removed: one (1) condom and one (1) pocket pussy belonging to the store.

You may have heard that the sea levels are rising. You may have heard that over the next several decades, rising seas will threaten major coastal cities. You may have surmised that it's dumb, then, to build houses right by the water. Not Florida!

Lately, reading the vast majority of the critics at many mainstream publications, I become paralyzingly depressed. This morning's bit of weltschmerz comes courtesy of the error-prone television critic of Our Paper of Record, Alessandra Stanley.

As the Summer of Butts fades into golden autumn, a Bronx-born single mother has released her own "viral" butt YouTube in the hopes of capitalizing on a trend sweeping the nation like a butt abruptly dropped very low and skimmed lightly over a dance floor (or regular floor).

Busch Gardens amusement parks in Williamsburg, Va. and Tampa, Fla. have decided to remove headless props from their Howl-O-Scream Halloween attractions after customers complained that the displays reminded them of the beheadings carried out by Sunni militant group ISIS.

A is for Asshole. Chris Brown is an asshole. Even if we summon all of the self-control needed to ignore his violent, petulant, destructive, unrepentant, homophobic conduct, and focus on his music, his on-record persona is consistently dickheaded in a way that is out-of-step with the contrived redemption arc devised to promote his new album X.

Here you will find the bizarre story of Dr. Anthony Nobles—serial entrepreneur, owner of 38 Ferraris, and, now, accused of being a big time con man.

Charlottesville, Va. police executed search warrants today of an apartment and car believed to be relevant to the search of missing University of Virginia student Hannah Elizabeth Graham, who has been missing since last Saturday.

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — There are about as many ideas about how to save Atlantic City as there are residents of Atlantic City (39,551). I don’t say that hyperbolically. When I was there this past weekend every single person I talked to knew exactly what was wrong with it and how to fix it: it’s either Trump’s fault, or the lack of Trump, or because too many casinos opened, or because the casinos aren’t fancy enough—many don’t offer luxury massages and club experiences like in Las Vegas. Or it’s because the city’s inherently gritty casinos tried to be fancy and that was a bad idea. If Atlantic City just goes back to its roots, some people said, perhaps it could be the seedy, smoke-filled pleasure capital of the northeast once again.

Three female students and one male student went to the hospital this weekend after a party at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee Tau Kappa Epsilon house. According to the police report, TKE brothers were using a color-coded system to "welcome" their female guests. Those guests were likely roofied.

"She knew exactly what to tell us." For BuzzFeed, Katie J.M. Baker tracked down and spoke with all the families that took in 34-year-old Charity Johnson, who was exposed this past May as having impersonated a 15-year-old Texas high school student.