The Staten Island Advance was presented with a tough choice in its district's upcoming House race. Michael Grimm, the incumbent, was indicted on federal fraud charges and once threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony. Domenic Recchia, his challenger, seems even dumber than him. Apparently, neither has ever read a book.

Alongside your selfies and sunsets, beneath your puppy pics and above your cat closeups, there exists a world where the extraordinary and ordinary commingle. A world where princes are treated like paupers and paupers act like princes. A world where, if Beyoncé would just plsss scroll down, you'd be able to properly communicate to her how much you want to eat her pussy.

German police are currently on the bizarre case of woman who allegedly abets robberies by spraying people with breast milk, distracting them while others apparently steal money. The woman, dubbed "The Milk Sprayer" by police (really!), recently hit a Darmstadt pharmacy , blasting two employees.

It was sort of interesting to learn a little while ago that people have decided to start attaching huge significance to whether or not a sentence in a text or chat or other short message ends in a period. Sort of.

Tom Colicchio is a famous chef and TV personality. He is also an activist who advocates for healthier, saner government food policies. "Blah! Gah! Real Americans hate healthy, sane things!" sayeth the voice of the Real Americans.

A nice lesson for teenage Kardashian daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner might be that it's fun to explore your passions without consideration for subsequent monetary gain. Perhaps that's the takeaway from the news that the teens' dystopian sci-fi novel, Rebels: City of Indra, sold approximately 0 copies.

Anita Sarkeesian, feminist video game critic and person Gamergaters insist Gamergate is definitely not about (even though they've repeatedly threatened her with death and rape), appeared on the Colbert Report last night.

Fizz-input company Sodastream announced that it will move its factory out of the Israeli-occupied West Bank, so it may finally be safe for left-wingers to make seltzer at home.

Rich: Everything leading up to our meal at STATE Grill and Bar at the Empire State Building was so pleasant. The woman who called to confirm our reservation pronounced my last name right with no prompting. The greeting I received upon entering the actual Empire State Building was a jolly “WELCOME TO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!” The hostess at STATE Grill and Bar (not to be confused with the Empire Bar and Grill in both Macedon and Webster, NY) had such kind eyes. It all made me feel like Annie.

Real Housewife of New Jersey Teresa Giudice is heading to prison in January for bankruptcy, mail, and wire fraud. But it's nice to see that's not stopping her from giving up the habit that got her and husband Joe in trouble in the first place: spending exorbitant sums of money on dumb shit.

The Long Island woman found beheaded on the street in front of an apartment complex in Farmingdale on Tuesday night has been identified as 66-year-old Farmingdale State College professor Patricia Ward. Police have confirmed that her 35-year-old son, Derek, killed her before jumping in front of an oncoming Long Island Rail Road train.

A nurse who was forced into a mandatory quarantine in New Jersey by Bruce Springsteen fan Chris Christie is now back in Maine, but she's not staying inside.

It's impossible to think of T-Pain without thinking of Auto-Tune—which is fair, considering he popularized the sound and indirectly helped launch a thousand terrible pop songs. But as it turns out, he's pretty damn good without it.

A total of eight women, including Trailer Park Boys actress Lucy DeCoutere, have come forward to the Toronto Star with detailed stories of escalating violence and sexual harassment at the hands of former CBC host Jian Ghomeshi.

Wresting the dark story away from TMZ, E! aired an "exclusive interview" with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch Mama June, who was finally forced to (sort of) address the deeply depressing rumor that she's back together with a convicted child molester who raped her oldest daughter.

A woman who briefly dated Jian Ghomeshi—the former CBC host accused of beating several women—tells the Canadian radio station that he ended their last date by throwing her on the ground and punching her over and over until she started crying.

Do you know which Navy SEAL plans to go on Fox News to claim he shot Osama bin Laden? If so, drop us a line at tips@gawker.com (or comment below). Anonymity guaranteed.

The owner of a 12-year-old pug named Chloe says she dropped her dog off at the vet Monday for a follow-up appointment about a scratched cornea. A few hours later, she got a call letting her know Chloe was recovering nicely from having her left eye removed.

We've long relied on our canine friends to provide boozy sustenance in our times of greatest need, ever since 16th-century St. Bernards revived snowbound Alpine travelers with mini-kegs of brandy. Actually, that's almost entirely made up. But hey, this dog can fetch beer from the fridge on command!

"This dammed board let a ghost loose in my house now it's haunted": A collection of customer reviews of the Ouija® board. The trick is that they're all treats and the treat may be that they're all tricks.