Though 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin never fails to give good interview, we still have to give the edge to his costar Tracy Morgan, who is unafraid to tear off his shirt and make romantic entreaties to every lady in El Paso if that's what the situation requires. Now, in an interview with the November issue of Complex, Morgan extends his press tour winning streak with a graphic ode to what he would do to Prince if the singer veered more toward the distaff side of his own love symbol:

It takes a village to raise a child—and to protect a precocious, professionally-sexualized teen's virginity. Disney puppet-performer Miley Cyrus's dad, former country singer Billy Ray, was recently sort-of quoted in the Sun about giving 15-year-old Miley "the talk." Because she has an older boyfriend now! "I told her in no uncertain terms that her career would be over if something stupid were to happen and she would no longer be a role model for young girls," he said. This is no longer about Miley, America.It's the chosen narrative we have to keep going, however, whether or not it was said by ol' Dad. Because, even as we give a fictional knocked-up, smart-ass teen named Juno an Oscar, their real-life counterparts—Britney! Jamie Lynn! Bristol!—must remain cautionary tales. We must remain vigilant, America. We must guard her virginity together, as a nation. Preferably through the media, where we can hopefully make just a little bit of profit off it. Because if there's no hope for Miley's innocence... what hope is there for the rest of us?

If you're looking for a cheap but stylish place to put up your relatives this holiday season, you now have a new option to add to the list of possibilities: the Guggenheim. The "theanyspacewhatever" exhibit, which opens today, features a "Revolving Hotel Room," an art installation that doubles as an actual hotel room. The space sleeps two and rates for the room start at just $259 a night, making it as affordable as the Holiday Inn in Midtown.

Terms and conditions are boring enough to make anyone glaze over. But when VC financing is on the line, do yourself a favor and understand just how much of your life you're signing away. Today, Astia is hosting an afternoon workshop on negotiating term sheets at the Microsoft San Francisco campus from 1:30-3 p.m. Once you've mastered avoiding the VC dope slap, enjoy your Friday as usual. Yelpers will be at the 500 Club from 5:30-7:30 p.m. while Laughing Squid heads to Mars Bar at 7 p.m. (Photo by sleepyneko>)

AMI asked Radar boss Maer Roshan to stay on for their new celebtastic version of RadarOnline.com, and Maer's like, "I don't think so." Also he thinks Portfolio should have folded way before Radar. [NYO]

Number One: Get Your Chubby Chimp Claws Off The Copper Top. An Amy Sedaris "uber-fan" approached her hero at a book signing last night at The Grove Barnes & Noble. Sedaris graciously obliged, and minutes later, the starstruck young women had the snazziest, two-tone Jerri Blank 'do in town. Now everyone's asking for "The Jerri." [LA Weekly]

Yesterday, as Web 2.0's bubble burst in slow motion at 30,000 feet over downtown San Francisco, I received a preview copy of Reality Check, by Guy Kawasaki. Someone had stuck a Post-it on the cover: "See inside for foreword by The Fake Steve Jobs!" Awesome. I'm never going to read Kawasaki's book, even though he's way more successful than I'll ever be. I skipped to Dan Lyons's foreword, written in his Fake Steve persona. Here's the best parts:

Pittsburgh's KDKA is confirming that Ashley Todd wholly invented the "mugging" and attack by a black guy who carved a "B" on her face because she supports John McCain story. Christ. The college republicans continue their hot streak! "The investigation is continuing as officials determine what charges will be filed." Poor dumb idiot racist kid. [KDKA]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Sherlock Holmes star Robert Downey Jr and an extremely animated Jude Law took the swingin’ streets of London to help their boss, Guy Ritchie, wash that woman out of his hair with a night on the town. Downey Jr. said, “It’s not going to be a bender. It'll never be a bender, but we're going to have the most fun humanly possible before our 6 a.m. call time. Watch out, world, reformed Kabbalist on the loose!" [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

82-year-old national treasure—in France, but whatever, France is a nation—Jerry Lewis has gone to Australia with his new stage extravaganza. It's a throwback to the good old days of variety shows, incorporating "show tunes with a 24-piece band, excerpts from his scores of movies and television shows, and his trademark slapstick comedy." (How a very realistic-looking prop glock fits into all this we do not know.) Asked at a press conference if he had any plans to retire or take a break, the comedian joked, "A break? No, why? You got something better to do?...Don't you understand that when you croak, it's for a ve-e-e-e-ry long time." Amid hearty nods of approval, he was then asked what he thought of the sport cricket, which elicited a regrettable dropping of the dreaded pink F-bomb:

You have to give it to Maer Roshan: he was persistent. The man was determined to will Radar magazine into existence, and he did it. Three times. And now, for the third time, the magazine is folding—and taking a pretty great website with it. (When RadarOnline.com returns under AMI next year, it will be unrecognizable). The fact is that Radar, despite having an above-average amount of good content, was just a doomed idea from the start:

This is from dating columnist and startup Nonsociety lifestreamer Julia Allison's Twitter. Welcome to how the other half lives! (Her salary at Star last year was $100K—just so you know.)

Good news if you're house-hunting in the Hamptons: More than 1,500 properties are now on the market, up from 1,000 at this time last year. Prices have yet to drop, though, since many homeowners are hoping to rent their mansions next summer rather than take a lower offer to sell now. [NYT]

A draft Army intelligence report obtained by Wired defense blogger Noah Shachtman says what you've probably guessed already: Islamic extremists are as smart as we are. So of course they've thought up ways to use Web 2.0 to destroy America, before Eric Schmidt gets to be our national CTO. Here's Noah's writedown:

Some good news, finally. Maya Rudolph will return to Saturday Night Live this weekend to play Oprah, the 'Bronx Beat' lady, and Michelle Obama! [TMZ]

Ricky Gervais said recently that Sarah Palin could have played his role in The Office, and it looks like turnabout is fair play for the comedian, who took part in his own Sarah Palin pas a deux on Graham Norton's talk show this week. Never fear, Simon Pegg's portly rival wasn't playing the veep candidate himself — that honor fell to Thandie Newton, extending the political impersonation duties she honed playing Condi Rice in W. Oh, one other thing? According to Norton, the script he had both actors read was a scene from Nailin' Paylin, the instantly notorious, Hustler-produced porn film starring a decidedly more fulsome Palin doppleganger. Lest you ever doubt the ability of British actors to spin gold from dross, the Gervais/Newton recreation immediately racked up five Oscar nominations from an insecure, California-bred Academy. [Graham Norton]

What were we saying yesterday about all the really good insults coming from Brits? London's Guardian on [downtown fashion magazine] Nylon magazine: their "target market is evidently every jaded, self-regarding New York hipster who thinks they're part of a movement, as opposed to the sort of people with whom you could only bear to have a conversation if speedballs were provided." Them, and lonelygirls in Osaka and Ohio. [Guardian]

Three years ago, Donald Trump filed a lawsuit against New York Times reporter Timothy O'Brien, the author of TrumpNation: The Art of Being Donald. The Donald's biggest objection to O'Brien's 288-page exposé? That O'Brien had suggested he was "only" worth $150-250 million, not the $5 billion that Trump argued was a more accurate estimate of his fortune. Trump filed a $5 billion defamation suit against O'Brien and his publisher, Warner Books, and the case that has been winding its way through the courts for close to three years now. After a modest victory last month—a judge ruled that Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. could be compelled to give a deposition in the case—Trump suffered a defeat today: A New Jersey appeals court judge has ruled that O'Brien does not have to turn over the confidential sources who helped him come up with his "low-ball" estimate. Trump's lawsuit will continue to move ahead. And there's always a chance that Trump will ask for even more in damages: He's now suggesting he's worth $10 billion.

An unnamed 18-year-old is being investigated by the SEC for allegedly posting a rumor about a Steve Jobs heart attack three weeks ago. "The agency hasn't unearthed any trading records that show he benefited from the drop," says the latest Bloomberg update. Citizen journalism experts plan to hold a conference to discuss what an awesome victory this is for Twitter. You think I'm kidding. You're wrong.

The rocket scientists at Google have a solution for our death-spiraling economy: emoticons in Gmail. The animated steaming pile of poo is especially classy.