"Some years ago, when Elizabeth Street began to change, I began to avoid it," blogs Jeremiah's Vanishing New York. "I used to go out of my way just to walk on it... In 1998 Bella's Luncheonette became Cafe Habana. And then a shop opened. It blared ear-splitting music and expelled obnoxious people who stepped over the Italian ladies peeling potatoes on the sidewalk... [Today], Elizabeth Street will break your heart." It sure will. Our new offices—which someone surely paid out the snout for—are located on Elizabeth Street. A high-end men's shaving store just opened up down the block—and then there's the fancy Public next door (try the kangaroo meat!) It's possible that a 150-person niche media company setting up shop is the apotheosis of the gentrification of this "Nolita" street—a made-up neighborhood name that the Little fuggin' Italy locals hate, by the way.

♦ Teen Vogue is opening a retail outlet at the mall in Short Hills, New Jersey. It'll be called "Teen Vogue Haute Spot" and, no, this is not a joke. [NYT]
♦ More than 20 percent of American households watched Barack Obama's infomercial on Wednesday night. [NYT]
♦ Joe the Plumber is pursuing a country music deal and could have an album out by Inauguration Day, although we're going to assume this won't be Barack's musical choice for the big day. [Politico]

Ana Marie Cox, the original Wonkette blogger, left our cozy Gawker family two years ago for a big gig with Time. A regular on TV and in wonky political magazines I don't read, Cox has been blogging for Time from John McCain's plane. But now Ana Marie is in trouble: Turns out her $1,000-a-day expenses on McCain's plane weren't fully covered by Time. Cox was making ends meet with paychecks from Radar, a pseudoinfluential New York magazine. Radar goes out of business every couple of years to stay trendy. Last week, the mag dutifully shut down for a third time. Cox, despite a "mid-six-figures" book deal in the works, was reduced to pleading for donations on her personal blog. There's a big lesson here, and I think it's: Owen, I want my travel paid in advance.

[Teen sensation Miley Cyrus with her mother in Paris; image via Splash] miasma-protege's new line beats the original, While Daughter Makes Tired Hand Gesture, Ghostly Mother Engages In Staring Contest With World.

We've felt a special bond with Corey Haim ever since we played a gradeschool extra in his 1985 disease-of-the-week movie A Time to Live. (True story.) We've thrilled to his highs, bummed to his lows, puzzled at some of his more bizarre career decisions, and sat back helplessly as he read aloud the remarks—some supportive, some scathing—left by commenters on this very webspot. So it's with genuine elation that we pass along this breaking news from his website:

Shock! Barack Obama's Aunt Zeituni, described lovingly in his memoir Dreams From My Father, lives in Boston "in modest circumstances," according to the Times of London. Zeituni Onyango lives in public housing in South Boston, and tells the Times she is praying for Obama. She's even donated money to his campaign! It's not clear whether the Obama campaign or the candidate know she's in Boston, though her unwillingness to speak to reporters until after the 4th suggests that someone knows, right? Onyango is Obama's father's half-sister. The Times also tracked Obama's mysterious "Uncle Omar" to Boston, where used to run a convenience store. Then he was evicted and now they don't seem to know where he is. Obama's many, many relatives on his father's side are of great interest to the British press, for some reason. Back in August, the Telegraph reported that Italian Vanity Fair found Obama's half-brother living in obscurity in Kenya. Why does the British press care so much? What does it matter? It is kind of sad, yes, that many of Barack Obama's distant relatives live in poverty. This is perhaps why he is such a wealth-redistributing socialist? Once Obama is elected, of course, he will seize Joe the Plumber's mansion and use it to house his many, many illegal immigrant relatives.

As predicted, a "bloodbath" at Condé Nast Portfolio is unfolding at 4 Times Square this afternoon. Silicon Alley Insider has the ugly news that editor Joanne Lipman shared with the mag's staff here. [SAI]

Got a paper towel handy? You may need to clean your monitor after watching this much buzzed-about clip of Joe Francis on Tyra yesterday, in which the slimy, Girls Gone Wild conspiracy peddler talks about Lindsay Lohan ("She's not gay!") and her girlfriend, "Samantha Rosnan" (close!). "You dated Lindsay?" Tyra begins, as an evasive Francis wonders whether ten margaritas and two successful exhortations of "Show me that firecrotch!" in Cabo can necessarily be defined as "dating." Then, talk turns to Lohan's sapphic inclinations.It's here that Francis unloads, implying that Lindsay is the equivalent of a "lesbian until graduation" and stating that, uh, Rosnan is a "wretched woman...taking [Lindsay] down a path that's just wrong for her." Thank God, America, that we have fine, upstanding men like Francis who are so concerned about our young ladies going down the wrong path. Be there for her, Joe. Be a shoulder to cry on, an ear for her worries, and a positive influence who can help lead Lindsay out of the woods with a 12:30 am carton of pralines and cream and a tender, heartfelt message: "Those tits look great in that shirt, but I bet they'd look even better out of it..."

What are the chances the big, fat Wall Steet bonus will go the way of the three-martini lunches (or mortgage-backed securities)? "Slim to none,'' says John Gutfreund, the former CEO of Salomon Brothers and the man responsible for ending Michael Bloomberg's career in investment banking in the early '80s. "They [bankers] are going to have to be a little bit sensitive because politicians, whether they like it or not, are part of their lives now." We'll go ahead and assume this will come as very welcome news to real estate brokers struggling to find buyers for $60 million apartments. [Bloomberg]

30 Rock is back tonight — you may not have noticed. Like most of the show's viewers, we're excited for the return of Tina Fey's ensemble comedy, but the deathwatch will be on in full force after tonight. NBC's continued emphasis on stunt casting (Oprah! Steve Martin! Jennifer Aniston!) already reeks of desperation. We're skeptical a not-so-famous guest star in every episode is going to broaden the show's appeal any more than Liz Lemon's quest for a child will. Is the best comedy on television destined to be ruined in its quest for ratings?The early reviews are already in, with mindless Times TV critic Alessandra Stanley bizarrely noting the show's "satire hews so closely to the original that it is almost mimicry" as part of her "rave." WaPo critic Tom Shales is particularly high on next week's Oprah episode. Though Shales notes that he prefers Fey's Palin to the dour Liz Lemon character, both think Fey's popular Palin impression will give 30 Rock a boost. We want to believe, but we have our doubts. From its inception Tina Fey's show was destined to be a niche comedy that attracted SNL fans who enjoyed the insider-y view of NBC. For this third season, the network's promotional efforts have amped up. NBC is banking on the idea that Fey's Palin portrayal on a few highly rated SNLs and exposure in a modest hit film with a similar plotline in Baby Mama have given the show the exposure it needs to succeed in the high-profile post-Office timeslot. Given that the stunt casting for this episode is Will & Grace shrillster Megan Mullally, we have to question this approach. It's hard to see how featuring Oprah as herself is going to create buzz for the show — Oprah's viewership doesn't care if she's on a comedy show about the backstage life of a comedy show past whatever episode she's on. Comedians Jerry Seinfeld and Al Gore didn't improve viewership, and a slighter higher caliber of stunt casting won't help matters.

If you can find a bunch of loosely-connected references to a certain subject floating around the zeitgeist, you can write a trend piece! Today's "Move Over, My Pretty, Ugly Is Here" in the NYT's Styles is the pitch-perfect example. A truly bad, meaning typical, trend piece can be broken down into pure science. The first thing you need? A contrarian question or statement! ("Is ugly the new pretty?") Got that? Here's a step-by-step checklist to writing the rest:Now that you've got your contrarian question or statement, the Times editors are going to be on your ass about getting facts and "proof" of this trend existing. Not as highly anecdotal as the Observer, though—you'll have to call in all sorts of experts. Ask yourself:

Amber waves of grain, arthritis ointment application, an emotionally distant Sarah Silverman the morning after—The Barack Obama Show really offered something for everyone. And by "everyone" we'd include network heads, as preliminary Nielsen numbers show the 30-minute hope-infusion juiced ratings across the board. Even ABC's struggling Pushing Daisies benefited from a small counter-programming bump, though still only managed to squeak out a meager 2.2. From THR:

With media companies announcing layoffs in recent weeks that have amounted to anywhere from 100% to 6%, the news of a 5% budget trim at Conde Nast seems fairly mild by comparison. But Conde Nast has always been seen as the media's promised land: a mythical place where Uncle Si's benevolent rule doesn't follow the laws of economics and the one place where a person who types for a living might make enough money to be able to afford (or get a friendly publicist to "loan") some of the accoutrements proffered in the glossy pages of Vanity Fair, Vogue and GQ. Working for Conde Nast isn't just a job, it's an aspirational lifestyle. So it's not just those holding some of the cushiest journalism jobs in the universe (I should know) who are trying to figure out what Conde Nast budget cuts mean. (Rice-a-Roni in the cafeteria? Curtailed black car service? Or shiver expense account caps?) It's every single person in the print media world who believed that if they did well enough at their crappy, low-paying print job, they too could one day gain admission into the Conde Nast circle. But details are sparse right now on just what Si Newhouse will be cutting back on. Who's getting laid off? What perks are being cut back? Where are the memos? If you can enlighten us, please send email (from your personal account!) to tips@gawker.com or call our tip line at 646-214-8138.

It's been a stressful week for Nello Balan. The lawsuit-loving restaurateur had his two restaurants seized by the IRS on Tuesday on account of $1.8 million he owes in unpaid taxes. But it's been two days now, which has given him enough time to settle up with the authorities and re-open his eateries. It's also given him time to pass the blame. As he nibbled on angel-hair pasta topped with scalloped truffles, he told the Post that it was all his accountant's fault, since they made miscalculations and didn't inform him there was a problem until it was too late. Don't worry though: Nello assures us the firm has been fired.

The $3 million that Barack Obama's campaign paid to run last night's campaign ad on eight networks was a drop in the bucket, but did the gamble pay off in viewers? Click to find out. Hint: he outdid Ross Perot's rating.As weird as it was to see Obama turn into Stone Phillips, the presentation was a relatively innocuous portrait of Americans struggling and the man who claims he can help them. The ad scored with viewers, who made it the most highly rated presidential ad buy in history. The early rating had to make the campaign happy: the half-hour ad scored a combined 17.8/29 (household rating/share) before Game 5 of the World Series on Fox. It bested the numbers of that game (the conclusion of the aborted Game 5 managed a decent 13.1/20) and most other regular programming. Since ABC's Pushing Daises did its usual poor number, most of the folks who watched the ad may have stuck with it rather than changing the channel. The real question is whether the major audience was supporters tuning in for a glimpse of their favorite celebrity, or undecided voters who can be swayed by that kind of feel-good propaganda. With the narrow focus on economic issues, you can bet the campaign was hoping that single issue voter constituted good chunk of that 17.8 rating. UPDATE: Final numbers are out. All told the entire audience was 33.6 million viewers, with NBC drawing 9.8 million alone.

As every magazine known to man begins to die, you, dear writers, may soon find yourselves without employ. Well you're in luck because that glowing thing that makes the word typies actually, with the help of your phone line, hosts a whole series of online "publications." Like this website or the new and improved Radar or! The website for crazy former supermodel Tyra Banks' talk show! Yes indeed, they are looking for both woman and man bloggers to "blog about their ideals" (curse you, candy commercial) and talk about dating and stuff. So not only do you get to work for a megalomaniac like Banks, but you also get to do it for free. But the really sad thing about this? A tipster tells us the listing was posted on a J-School jobs board. :( Read the posting after the jump, then apply!!

Bakasoftware, a Russian operation, makes $5 million a year pushing its Antivirus XP program on Windows users. At least, that's the estimate based on internal files obtained by another Russian hacker. John Markoff's report explains scareware for NYT readers. Best part: When Bakasoftware's malware program launches inside a PC, it checks the Windows registry. If the PC's default language is Russian, the program shuts down, rather than draw the attention of Russian law enforcement. Obligatory Times-speak: "Bakasoftware, which may be based in Moscow according to Internet domain name records, did not respond to telephone and e-mail requests for comment."

Estelle Reiner, the woman who 20 years ago set the enduring standard for cameos by directors' moms, has died at age 94. Wife of Carl, mother of Meathead, she rocketed to fame in 1989 as a witness to Meg Ryan's epic fake orgasm in her son's film When Harry Met Sally; her quip, "I'll have what she's having," later ranked #33 among AFI's Top 100 movie quotations. She'd previously appeared in small parts opposite Steve Martin (The Man With Two Brains) and Dom DeLuise (Fatso), also sustaining a late-blooming cabaret singing career on the side. Lesser known fact: Rob Reiner tells the New York Times today that his mother was the basis for Mary Tyler Moore's Laura Petrie on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Today, however, we remember her lunch preferences. We, too, will have what she's having.

Magazines for teen girls are dying and magazines in general are dying and it's all very scary but Teen Vogue is NOT going to allow that to happen to them, do you hear me? They are NOT. Too many young women depend on them for fashion tips. And if Teen Vogue has to open up a shop in a mall in New motherfucking Jersey and brainwash young impressionable Jersey girls into becoming vapid monsters of conspicuous consumption in order to stay relevant, well, that's just what Teen Vogue is going to do. Bitch.

You have to feel a little bit sorry for Tatiana and Natasha Boncompagni, the two sisters embroiled in a nasty spat over the rights to the forthcoming novel Hedge Fund Wives. (If you've missed the action thus far, see here, here and here.) Both women have seen their reps damaged as a result, and Tatiana's career as a journalist and novelist will probably be overshadowed by the incident for many years to come. (Fortunately, she married into money. Or so she says.) Yesterday Natasha took down the website that hosted pages from the disputed manuscript. (We have a copy of the judge's ruling here, in case you're interested.) One party, we hear, that is not all that unhappy about the flurry of press that has followed in recent days? HarperCollins, not surprisingly. Hedge Fund Wives is now available for pre-order and the book's sales rank has edged up ever so slightly from 500,000 to 132,377. The messy feud has also boosted Boncompagni's first book, Gilding Lily: It dipped below 10,000 earlier this week before losing some ground today. It's now ranked 19,921.