♦ Election returns may set TV viewing records tonight, assuming there's some "suspense." [AP]
♦ What's been on cable news channels all day? Mindless talk and speculation, for the most part. [TV Decoder]
♦ It's possible the networks will call the election before the polls close. [THR]
♦ Some of the high-tech wizardry in store tonight: CNN plans to feature 3D "holographic images" of the network's remote correspondents in its New York studio. [WSJ]
♦ More trouble for tabloid kingpin David Pecker: John Miller, AMI's chief operating officer, has resigned. [NYP]

If Kate Winslet thought she could beat her critics to the punch with a raft of winning, self-deprecating statements in the new issue of Vanity Fair ("Once a fat kid, always a fat kid"), then we have a London bridge we'd like to sell her — and a bloodthirsty British press she should probably be introduced to. Shortly after images from her Steven Meisel-shot, Catherine Deneueve-inspired photoshoot went live on Vanity Fair's website, the U.K. tabloids attacked them as a Photoshopped fantasia (said the Daily Mail's "airbrushing expert": "I would be very surprised if her bottom was like that naturally"). The furor caused Winslet to throw a Scott Rudin-worthy fit, says People:

So this dumb conservative PAC finally, finally made the ad about Barack Obama's controversial preacher Jeremiah Wright that the McCain campaign didn't want to touch. Its very existence garnered plenty of media attention&dmash;and, of course, free airtime for the ad—but then the PAC had to actually put it on television. Instead of a targeted ad-buy in white swing areas, they just went national, sticking it on Sunday Night Football, last night's Saturday Night Live election special, and, uh, on the Rachel Maddow show? Clearly they didnt want to "influence the election" or anything with their little ad, they just wanted to annoy the hell out of Democrats while they're trying to watch their liberal shows.

Democrats must be particularly anxious today after eight years of Bush. Tim Robbins, actor-director, partner of Susan Sarandon, and a poster child of Hollywood liberalism, was edgier than normal as he waited to cast his vote this morning. Writes in a tipster, who sadly didn't have a cameraphone: "My friend is waiting to vote at the YMCA on 14th between 6th and 7th... Tim Robbins is making a scene, apparently yelling at some dude. And now the police were called and arrived about 10 minutes ago..." What was that all about?

Having laid off 75-some employees and run his electric carmaker's cash balance down to $9 million, what is Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk busying himself with? Conducting a witch hunt to find who leaked Tesla's financials to Valleywag. The Truth About Cars has published an email it claims is from Musk, which includes a letter apology from R&D director Peng Zhou. The only thing that's curious: Our tipster said he'd been at Tesla for four years. Zhou has only been there for two years. In Musk's haste to find someone to blame, did he extract a forced confession from the wrong man?

Here's some clear-cut evidence that Sarah Palin's chances are fading fast: Palin wigs at Sheitel.com have been slashed by $100! [Sheitel.com via Clusterstock]

We noted yesterday yet another shitstorm brewing behind (and in front of) the scenes of ABC's Grey's Anatomy, as a still shell-shocked Brooke Smith told EW.com about her character's abrupt dismissal from the series. She plays Dr. Erica Hahn—who, it's worth noting, replaced Isiah Washington's ejected character as head of cardiothorasic surgery—and who had recently embarked upon a McLesbiany relationship with Callie, played by Sara Ramirez. It began with a sweet kiss, but soon after the writers took it further, with dialogue about exploring "undiscovered country," and at least one postcoital monologue on the joys of ladyfruit harvesting (above). The relationship—what AfterEllen points out is the only depiction of a lesbian couple currently on primetime TV—was developing rapidly. Now Smith has been informed, in the vaguest terms, that her character won't be returning to Seattle Grace after this week's episode. She explains:

CNN election coverage through the years [via HuffPo]

Just when you thought we'd be remembering nothing more than war without end and awkward press conferences from Bush's time in office, comes Courting Condi. Debuting Nov. 6, it's a documentary about the grown-up version of the kid who played Buzz in Home Alone and his love for the former Bush administration official. While the concept might have worked better if it was Corey Haim seeking Dr. Rice's heart, the climactic wedding scene is promising in a 2002 kind of way.The 32-year old Devin Ratray fell for Condi, hard, and decided to pair with director Sebastian Doggart to talk to Adrien Grenier about her and generally just mix sexual euphemisms until the film's 107 minute runtime mercifully concludes. There's also songs, which might portend a stage adaptation once time travel is possible and Ratray can head back in time six years. Still, looking into the eyes of Buzz from Home Alone as you prepare for your wedding day is every girl's dream isn't it?

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Election Day Edition! 11/4 — Are we bragging about reality-TV "celebrities" we voted with? Because RAMI KASHOU from Project Runway is in line ahead of me. I'm at Logan Street Elementary in Echo Park. While my girlfriend gives him the benefit of the doubt, I suspect he showed up early in order to enjoy looks of vague recognition as the numerous voters walk by. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

We knew there would be last-minute dirty tricks in this campaign — but who knew they would include attempting to turn the powerful Apple fanboy vote? iPhone Savior has revealed, with suspicious timing, that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama uses a desperately uncool Motorola Razr, not the iPhone spotted in his hands back in May. Then again, maybe Obama's trying to appeal to America's industrial heartland; Motorola is based in the suburbs of Chicago, where Obama has his campaign headquarters. Or, possibly, he just wants to make phone calls.

It warms our cold hearts to see everyone standing in line to vote today—no matter who they're choosing. Here are photos from voting lines all over the country—from pre-dawn in Kansas to fall foliage in Chicago to the theater district in Manhattan.

Sarah Palin voted in Wasilla, Alaska. She took questions from the press, with her husband Todd. The press asked who she voted for, and she said, "I am also exercising my right to privacy and I don't have to tell anyone who I voted for, nobody does, and that's really cool about America, also." She wrote in "Sarah Palin 2012," obviously. Here's the clip! Watch it now! Ha, of course, upon re-watching, the question is about whether she voted for convicted felon Senator Ted Stevens, from Alaska. She won't say, of course, because she still has to go back to Alaska when she's done with this little vacation, and "Uncle Ted" is still a powerful figure, and she "stood up to corrupt old boy politics" by not even admitting that she probably still voted for him.

Barack Obama did an interview with yesterday with Sway, MTV's official friendly ambassador from the land of hip hop. A viewer asked him about towns that try to pass laws banning baggy pants. First Obama said those laws are a "waste of time." But then he added, "brothers should pull up your pants!" Is Barack Obama a fashion icon, or your grumpy old dad—or is he both?!?! [UPDATE: Clip of the interview below!]:

There's a limited number of ways you can make "election day" a front page, above the fold headline. Because, you know, nothing will be "news" until tomorrow. So you can "report," as many papers do, that people will choose someone (YOU DECIDE, YOU CHOOSE, IT'S UP TO YOU), today, with a big splash featuring both candidates' headshots. You can try to make some actual "news," as the Times and the Wall Street Journal do with stories on how historic everything is and what the winner will inherit. You can report on all the boring campaigning of yesterday, or predict electoral chaos, or, as the New York Post admirably did, just pretend there isn't even an old white Republican in this race. The papers in the attached image chose almost exactly as you might predict. A couple papers across the world went a different direction.

When did Eric Schmidt turn into such a wimp? When Google and Yahoo first proposed a deal to have Google sell search ads for Yahoo, Schmidt brazenly gave antitrust regulators a four-month deadline to review it. After that, Google would blaze ahead with the deal. The deadline came and went. Over the weekend, Google and Yahoo turned in a revised deal that they hoped would impress regulators. The bottom line: It is half as lucrative as Yahoo had hoped, generating $400 million a year rather than $800 million, limiting Google-sold ads to a quarter of Yahoo's search-related revenue. It's better than nothing, but it leaves Schmidt in a weak position the next time he wants to talk tough with the feds. Then again, maybe he's planning to dump Larry and Sergey for a nice, safe government job.

An eagle-eyed political observer noticed a few uncanny similarities between First Lady hopeful Cindy McCain and those victimized blondes populating so much of Alfred Hitchcock's work. We can't say we disagree, though if the natural next step requires Mrs. McCain to race through the Arizona desert tonight with a few thousand stolen dollars from her husband's campaign, we'd urge her to skip the shower when she stops for a rest.

Dan Rather won't be covering the election tonight for a major American network. The longtime CBS News anchor, who remains embroiled in a $70 million lawsuit against his former employer, signed with the French cable network Canal Plus a few weeks ago to provide election commentary to French television viewers. Supposedly he'll be on the air this evening to cover the returns and he'll return tomorrow to offer up some post-election analysis. (It's unclear how his "Ratherisms" will play with audiences on other side of the Atlantic.) But in the meantime, you can take a look at this clip which has been touting his arrival on French TV in recent days. It's in French, but the opening introduction is priceless: "In the United States, he's as well-known as Mickey [Mouse], as popular as Elvis."

Statistically, your vote is a joke. Why bother? Because you get to skip out of work, that's why. Owen already gave a backhanded endorsement for a No on 8 vote, so I figure I get to do one, too: If you're a San Francisco voter, Melissa Gira Grant and I want you to vote Yes on K. Trust us, it's good for the escorts. Everybody wins, except a few cops who are getting it for free right now.

The Farrelly Brothers' long-delayed dream of a Three Stooges revival may yet come true at MGM, which announced Monday it had green-lit the project for a 2009 release. It's a stunning milestone correcting the project's inertia at Warner Brothers, where execs were said to have balked at the introduction of the brothers' trademark scrotum-zippering sight gags to the more conventional eye-gouging hallmarks of Larry, Moe and Curly's '30s-era shorts. But that was then, and this — despite the lingering questions of cast (Crowe as Moe?), storyline and whether or not MGM remembers how to produce films — is now.The Hollywood Reporter notes that Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson were among the names once circling the project, a nifty batshit tandem we hope remains viable so many years on. (We share another writer's disappointment that newly retired Joaquin Phoenix won't be around to join them.) Peter Farrelly told Variety, meanwhile, that American Idol-style auditions will be held to discover the next Curly, "the most physically gifted member of the trio," and scuttled rumors that Farrelly alum Jim Carrey would add 150 pounds in an Oscar-chasing Method binge as the stoutest Stooge. The trades offer conflicting details about the film's "plot" as it were: either three vignettes of 25-30 minutes apiece or four vignettes of 20 minutes apiece, with THR citing another contest commissioning briefer comedy shorts that would precede the main feature. MGM has production chief Cale Boyter overseeing what would be his first actual production since fleeing New Line last spring; the tentative Nov. 20, 2009 release date places The Three Stooges in theaters directly opposite Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. And according to Farrelly, the male-skewing ad campaign is already on: