" I stand by every word of the analysis... I have had to apologize for the stupid, silly subtitle." [Times]

How bad is the Great Magazine Die-Off? Thanks to the internet, it's the most terrifying media recession yet. Because for once the living shall envy the dead, if the fates of print-to-online-only publications are any guide. You'll recall most recently the example of Radar Online, turned to celebrity mush by AMI. A tipster also pointed us to the sad state of FHM,which went online-only in early 2007 and was sold to Bauer Publishing at the end of last year. Here's an excerpt from FHMOnline.com's awful, awful review of raunch-com Role Models:

It's been fun to watch the American press covering how foreigners react to Barack Obama. First we heard how nominee Obama was inspiring the black working class in Europe, along with fashionistas. Then president-elect Obama became the toast of the global intelligentsia, for his expected foreign policy changes. But now some little feuds are opening up across the Atlantic that will allow U.S. newspapers to give readers what they crave: A chance to laugh at sad, bickering Euros. Based on what the Times of London is saying, we foresee some front-page coverage!

Starbucks may be awful at traditional advertising but the company seems to be just ingenious at tricky guerilla marketing campaigns. Witness its big election-day coffee giveaway: It was a massive PR victory for the company. Starbucks spent maybe $350,000 on a single ad during Saturday Night Live, then kicked back and watched as the Wall Street Journal, CNBC, Newsweek etc. gave the promotion tons of free press. And the cost of the coffee? Oh that's the best part: It was practically free! Reports Ad Age:

What's the deal Sarah Palin? Is Alaska too small-time for you to bother dolling up your hair all nice like you did for the media elites? The former Republican VP nominee's locks are, in case you didn't notice, way messy since she got back to Alaska; see the photos above, taken at her Anchorage gubernatorial office and at the Anchorage airport. Why is this terrible thing happening and how do we stop it from destroying us all?

Britain's Guardian profiled Jared Kushner, and while the Observer owner makes some positive noises about his company, the salient facts are as follows: After two years and a purported 40 percent revenue increase, the paper is still losing about $2 million per year. Kushner said he is " definitely scared about newspapers" and compared the industry to "a falling knife." And despite having Ivanka Trump on his arm, Kushner was recently turned away from fading nightclub Bungalow 8:

Barack Obama and his "good bride" Michelle are set to meet the First Family at the White House Monday. This will be unavoidably awkward, what with Obama having spent the last two years talking about how terrible the Bush Administration has been and all. It certainly doesn't take the edge off things that Bush seemed deathly afraid to touch That One at their first meeting four years ago. Fox News tracked down the relevant passage in Obama's second memoir, the Audacity of Hope:

Leighton Meester versus Wallace Shawn happens for free on the CW tomorrow night, and that's the highlight of the week. Yes, the industry is missing an 'it' show right now, that universally watched show that defines a period in American life. Soon the current programming will be filed under Bush-era nonsense, and we'll be able to get a new Sopranos, the kind of show born in the Clinton era. Still, there's quality programming if you just know where to look. Here's what to watch this week:All times Eastern, watcher beware... Tonight: Dexter (9 pm on Showtime): Miguel Prado's wife gets a little suspicious of the blood technician that her district attorney husband is spending a lot of time with. True Blood (9 pm on HBO): Sookie's disturbing revelation about her employer freaks her out. A lot of vampire blood is used (probably). Family Guy (9 pm on FOX): Have you not already seen the Hulu clip from the new dog storyline? They went there: Entourage (10 pm on HBO): The show has finally gotten to the point where it is doing an entire Seth Green themed episode. Californication (10 pm on Showtime): David Duchovny's character loses his virginity all over again, this time to a hot teacher. Monday: Gossip Girl (8 pm on the CW): We already mentioned Wallace Shawn, but Jenny will move in with Agnes and they'll probably be in bras the whole time. The ep is called "Bonfire of the Vanity." How I Met Your Mother (8 pm on CBS): Big news for Alyson Hannigan's character, but all we can think about is that Josh Radnor will spend the rest of his life ALONE. Heroes (9 pm on NBC): Can the showrunner from Pushing Daisies save the troubled Tim Kring superhero saga? They should just start including the backstage storylines into the episodes, as I find the backstage part easier to keep track of. Tuesday: House (8 pm on FOX): The show's most improbable storyline continues, and Chase and Cameron turn this into Days of Our Lives all of a sudden. The Mentalist (9 pm on CBS): Simon Baker's psychic is in a casino this week, which should mean plenty of wordy insight about the the meaning of luck. Dancing With the Stars (8-10 pm on ABC): Two hours of programming, and it cost less than the person who does Simon Baker's eyebrows.

Teen vampire drama Twilight arrives in theaters on Nov. 21. With a huge teen audience ramped up for it, cultural critics have already started deciphering the meaning of Twilight's popularity, a thankless task that resulted in a massive Vanity Fair photoshoot this month. For people who will take anything seriously, James Wolcott's essay on Twilight proves the movie is the ultimate shell for anything and everything: Gossip Girl, Michelangelo, Chopin, Into the Wild, Superman, the gays, Sarah Palin and, of course, Bob Dylan. What are adults who should know better trying to read into Twilight?Here's the full list of cultural references from Wolcott's piece: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dracula, Vampire Academy, Gossip Girl, The Morganville Vampires, Vampire Kisses, The Vampire Diaries, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, Into the Wild, Mary-Louise Parker, Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire Mysteries, Six Feet Under, Harry Potter, Debussy, Rudolf Nureyev, Chris Isaak, Michelangelo, Chopin, Superman, the gays, Sarah Palin, James Dean, David Lynch, Bob Dylan, Abel Ferrara’s The Addiction, and Brideshead Revisited. An impressive array, to say the least. Even the books themselves are part of the Twilight phenomenon, says Wolcott: "The physical properties of the books themselves may explain their popularity. They’re thick, chunky, promising a fat read—you don’t so much curl up with them as gulp them down." Salon's Laura Miller also noted the chameleon-like qualities of the series written by Mormon housewife Stephenie Meyer:

By naming British novelist Philip Hensher's seventh novel, The Northern Clemency, the Amazon Book of the Year, the mega-store is about to foist an entirely new level of scrutiny on the Exeter English professor. Although The Northern Clemency was short-listed for the Man Booker Prize (nabbed by Aravind Adiga's The White Tiger), Hensher is now a couple months of publicity from becoming a real name in literary households. We break down Hensher's chronicle of the Thatcher years in his hometown of Sheffield and his mixed feelings toward his rising fame, along with the rest of Amazon's year-end list:Sure, Philip Hensher was #82 on a British Gay Power list, but now he's notching comparisons to John Updike, Jonathan Franzen, and Anne Tyler. The book concerns a Sheffield family experiencing "the last phase of its industrial greatness" in 1974 , and goes on to revisit the Thatcher legacy in glorious prose. Amazon editors targeted the book as soon as they saw the galleys, and they probably take extra-special pleasure in popularizing the remarkable novel on this side of the Atlantic, where it's considerably less well known since coming out last month.

On some level we knew there'd be Obama impersonators, but we thought they would be more like the tiny Japanese guy who impersonates Obama, or Fred Armisen's bland but comforting impression, or Jordan Carlos. But now someone has taken up as our presidential-elect, and is roving around L.A. with bodyguards. Close your windows and doors, and put your daughters in underground shelters. This is not The One. He is a false One. But who is he?L.A. blogger YasmiNYC claims this grotesque effigy to The One is a Hollywood local, and she reports his growing popularity is a gruesome sight:

The Times is always willing to expand the breadth of its readership. We can only assume the troubling economy is the reason for Katherine Zoepf's piece in today's New York Times Magazine about militants who are rehabilitated by the friendly Saudi government and by Penn State's International Center for the Study of Terrorism. Her considered and sympathetic portrayal of those caught up in the jihad rat race might sell some newspaper subscriptions, assuming the rehabilitation plan includes a new car to go buy the paper in. Apparently, it usually does:In Zoepf's formulation, all Saudi militants need to see a nonviolent path is a little helpful instruction, and maybe a new wife:

Ryan Lizza's New Yorker cover story may not contain as many juicy insider details as the ongoing Newsweek account, but don't stop reading yet. The Nov. 17 essay is a thinking man's expose of how Barack cruised to victory. Lizza evaluates Obama's management skills, terming him a man "not without an ego." It was precisely because he thought he knew better than everyone, Lizza writes, that he picked the right team to lead him to the White House. After the jump, the best tidbits about Barack the Boss.It's good to know the president-elect thinks as highly of himself as his supporters do:

[Amanda Bynes at TAO's 3rd Anniversary Party in Sin City last night, from here. Click for the full image.]

If her column today is any indication, ancient op-ed mariner Maureen Dowd is not overly familiar with black people. Sure, living in Washington D.C., a city with a high concentration of African-Americans, she has noted the occasional "cute black mailman," but generally, this week was the first time she had ever seen whites and blacks speaking to one another. If this is the kind of analysis Dowd will be delivering twice a week in the Obama era, there may be no need for any other president-elect related comedy to exist.Maureen's pre-election columns were generally ghastly enough. Not to be outdone by rival condescending op-edders, she breaks out the big guns today with a column that begins, "I grew up in the nation’s capital, but I’ve never seen blacks and whites here intermingling as they have this week." It gets better:

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The president elect's wonkish new chief of staff is former Clinton aide Rahm Emanuel. On this morning's This Week With George Stephanopoulos, the media began its love affair with the swarthy Jew by asking him all the softball questions we have come to expect when former Clinton aides chit chat. Barack's relationship with the cute little guy began many years earlier. At a 2005 event hosted by Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy, Emanuel was on the receiving end of a roast from the president-elect. If we can't make good comedy out of Obama, we can at least be entertained by his jokes. Click for the video.The look of love in Rahm's face as his favorite Democratic rising star keeds around with him is priceless:

Kanye West's blog is widely regarded as one of the best in the celebrity blogger genre, ghostwritten or not. An unending parade of things to buy, listen to, and have sex with, Kanye is a person bombarded by a litany of cultural influences. These many references inform his art, and he lets them. In the video for his song "Heartless", he and director Hype Williams take the art of Israeli-American animator Ralph Bakshi and reinvent it entirely for one of the best music videos you'll see this year.Director Hype Williams presented the concept to Ye, and they decided to use rotoscoping technology (as in films like Waking Life and A Scanner Darkly) to create a look that's not unfamiliar. Click to view You might know Bakshi's animation style from his animated The Lord of the Rings or his 1992 disaster, Cool World. His animation style combines traditional cell animation with real backgrounds and objects. Hype Williams had screened Bakshi's classic 1981 animated joint, American Pop, before they decided to go forward with the project. The film concerns itself with four generations of Russian Jewish immigrants, making it all the more unusual to work as inspiration for a Ye video.

The post-election issue of conservative rag National Review has nothing about Barack Obama's victory, having gone to press before this past week's election. This is a pity, but flipping through the print version of the venerable publication, you'll find some truly noxious points-of-view, the kinds of things NR doesn't trot out on its ever popular blog, The Corner. So it is with cultural critic Jay Nordlinger, who has decided that liberal "hissing" is a feature of the enemy.If you're not familiar with Nordlinger's usual anti-liberal ravings, you're missing the writings of an insane genius. Nordlinger believes liberals are something akin to the devil, and usually accuses them of being in league with Castro, Stalin or worse. And if you don't condemn atrocities constantly years after the fact like he does, you just don't care enough. (By the way, this is the guy who spends most of his time reviewing classical music for NR and other publications.) In this winning harangue against the liberal practice of hissing while in an audience, he fires one shell, over and over again:

Since joining Saturday Night Live as a featured player in 2005, Andy Samberg has been an important addition to the overall tone of the show. While his 2007 flop Hot Rod proved a long career in Hollywood may not be in his future, Joanna Newsom's boyfriend has been involved in a lot of great stuff over the past three years. We all know Samberg classics like his Emmy-winning "Dick in a Box" or "Lazy Sunday," but here's five clips that you may not have seen a billion times:The SNL Digital Shorts that Andy and Lonely Island writing partners are so frequently involved in can be hit-or-miss, but when the sketch hits, it's usually a big winner. McCain throwing his running mate under the bus is what we'll likely remember from last week's SNL, but "Giraffes" is typical of Samberg and his writing partners, whose comedy I would describe as a tender blend of The State and The Kids in the Hall: I'm not sure whose brainchild "Dear Sister" was, but this incredible parody of the season two finale of The O.C. never fails to amuse me for some reason. The video below is a parody of a parody, with some kid cutting himself into the misery: