Most of the conservative intelligentsia was crammed onto the National Review post-election cruise this week, where they salved each other's campaign wounds by weeping over scrapbooks of the Reagan years and shocking Brent Bozell with a taser. While some had drunken sex with Kate O'Beirne to dim the pain of the McCain loss, NR editor Rich Lowry and whoever the crew could spare stayed in New York to churn out the issue of the magazine, the one to resurrect the conservative cause and state the mission for the next four years. Sadly, Sarah Palin got in the way.The guest list for the cruise was announced as: Mitt Romney, Victor Davis Hanson, Bernard Lewis, Mark Steyn, Christopher Buckley, William McGurn, Jonah Goldberg, Brent Bozell, Pat Toomey, Andy McCarthy, Rob Long, Deroy Murdoch, Byron York, Kathryn Lopez, Kate O’Beirne, Ramesh Ponnuru, Jay Nordlinger, John J. Miller, Darcy Olsen, and Fr. Robert Sirico.

We've been there for every step of the closely contested Al Franken-Norm Coleman race for the Minnesota Senate, like that time when a Coleman mailer called Al a child-molester (amazing!), Norm's lawsuit against the Franken campaign for slander, and now, the Franken campaign's desire to examine rejected absentee ballots. Although there was reason for optimism about Franken's chances to defeat the barftastic Coleman in the past, does that hold after the first hand count didn't help the former SNL regular?The reason for Franken's desperation — the hand recount of votes this week still left him down 204 votes out of about 2.9 million cast. With the recount set to begin on Tuesday, is Franken already doomed to become Secretary of Sketch Parody in an Obama administration, or a United States Senator?

It's the trend piece we'll never tire of, no matter how many times newspapers rewrite it. Adult children moving back in with their parents is a timeless tale that hits every note: the economic recession, our desire to make fun of young people, and older folks' anxiety about their retirement. It is the perfect story, and the best part about its latest incarnation in the Los Angeles Times, is that the adult children in question keep getting older and older...Augustine Garcia's mother couldn't afford to pay off her house, so she asked her daughter and her daughter's husband Donald to move in. Now in their mid-thirties, they're the ones who need all the help, and Mom is just really annoyed with the kids:

Sam Mendes' adaptation of Richard Yates' perfect novel Revolutionary Road hits theaters this Christmas with every Oscar pedigree imaginable. The new trailer, set to Cat Power's "Sea of Love", shows off the full range of conceivable Leonardo DiCaprio acting faces from Confused Leo to Angry Leo, to Constipated Leo. Kate Winslet, the other half of the film's unhappy marriage, likewise spends the whole film angsty and pained. While we appreciate being able to imagine how unpleasant it would have been if the two had gotten together in Titanic, the movie more closely resembles a certain period drama that won an Emmy. Could awards voters really love the late '50s and early '60s that much, and will their love translate into box office? Trailer after the jump.Click to view After waiting so long to see Yates' masterpiece brought to the screen, the casting of Titanic duo DiCaprio and Winslet had a chance to look like a gimmick, and while Mendes is a talented director, previous trailers have hewed dangerously close to American Beauty with period costumes. This tremendous preview may put some of those questions to rest, but it raises a few more. The original Revolutionary Road wasn't a period piece — published in 1962, it was Yates' dramatic verdict on the entire decade of the 1950s, and the first and most important such appraisal to hit bookstores. Now that we've had time to reflect further on the decade, the themes of Road will still ring true on an artistic level. And frankly, it's going to be tough to make anything bad out of this book. Will being a serious film for adults be enough to carry it to success at the box office, though? One of the problems Mad Men faced in attracting an audience through its first two seasons, though, was the fact that some older folks aren't as eager to be reminded about their formative years as others: the show did it best ratings in young, wealthy demos. Although Revolutionary Road and its Yonkers-born author are more well-known now than ever, the book's built in audience couldn't match the standard Obama rally. Road will have to appeal on its own merits, and even if it gets the entire Mad Men audience, that won't mean much for the film's receipts. Basically, it better be just as good as this preview indicates it might be and grab an Oscar nod, or else.

On the post-election Meet the Press, burly Tom Brokaw asked co-chairperson of the Obama-Biden Transition Project Valerie Jarrett about the last conversation she'd had with Obama before he became president-elect. "We made some expressions, and we actually didn't say a word," she said of her near-BFF level bro. A longtime friend to the Obamas, the Iranian-born Jarrett was named Senior White House Advisor late yesterday, ending speculation she would take a major Cabinet-level post role and instead remaining close as always to the president-elect. Are we about to fall in love kinda like we did with Condi Rice but only for real this time?The campaign seems to already have a tight grip on who they want where, and Jarrett's early appointment doesn't step off that course. Jarrett, 52, isn't a new face in Obama's life, or in American politics, but she'll be a breath of fresh air to the country at large. Born in Shiraz, Iran, she moved to London when she was just seven. Her African-American dad was a geneticist running a children's hospital in the country. The divorced Jarrett has the president-elect's unwavering trust, and her new title accurately captures just how much voice the real estate company CEO will have in the early days of BO's administration.

If you've ever seen the full extended versions of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, you know how much you missed out in the theaters. It's like that every week now with The Office, whose expanded cast and tendency for short scenes sometimes makes you feel like you're reading a condensed Reader's Digest story. Show creator Greg Daniels helps the situation by posting two of the week's deleted scenes online each week. The cutting room floor material is almost more fun than the actual show, and that's the case in two delightful clips that somehow didn't end up in this week's ep.When it comes to the audience for The Office, an hour did initially feel too long. But the show's ensemble cast has gone much further than the BBC series in developing storylines and conflicts. Twenty-two minutes is just not enough time to follow the show's umpteen characters properly. More Stanley is just never a bad thing. Since consumers are getting used to dictating the amount of time they spend interacting with a given piece of content, it almost makes sense to offer the long version for those who prefer a more full-featured Office, and show a clipped, digestible edition for those who don't want the extra few scenes. Until that kind of choice is possible, or the show's spin-off kills our desire for more Office, we'll have to deal with the abbreviated version.

It's already been suggested by some that Karl Rove handed the Democratic Party its playbook for this month's election win. Since Rove needs all the good press he can get, he's grabbing the "I Got the First Black President Elected" meme with both hands and holding on until his next lucrative consulting gig. In an interview with the New York Times Magazine, Rove takes a break from crafting a Palin-Bush hybrid for contention in 2012 to make himself look good:Deborah Solomon's painfully, quippy interviews usually reveal more about her than about the interview subject in question, but it looks like she hit a nerve with ole KR:

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[Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer heading back to their Manhattan hotel, from here. Click for the full version.]

The worse things get in America, the lower the quality of the meat we're willing to consume. Hormel's favorite whatzit Spam is preparing to survive the recession quite well, says the NYT, even allowing some of its employees to purchase televisions! As real Spam flies off the shelves, profits from virtual spam are on the decline. Tasty, salty, injected-with-something Spam is slighter better than having to delete an unwanted e-mail from your inbox, you have to admit:The Minnesota factory is working seven days a week to churn out the product that even someone unemployed can afford and enjoy:

Six Apart, the San Francisco blog-software company which helped spark the blogging boom, just laid off 16 of its 200 employees. And its top executives took a 15 percent paycut. Such noble sacrifice! Except that those cutbacks have not crimped the holiday plans of cofounders Ben and Mena Trott. She surprised her husband with an irony-free trip to Disneyland. That they can so blithely afford the trip reminds me of persistent rumors that the couple cashed out some of their shares in the privately held company when it took an earlier round of venture capital. (Photo by Jackson West)

Jing Wu (in photo), 47, of Mountain View, shot and killed one woman and two men inside a Silicon Valley office building just before 4:00 P.M. Friday, according to Santa Clara police. Wu had recently been laid off from SiPort, a fabless digital radio semiconductor company in Mountain View. SiPort CEO Sid Agrawal and VP of Operations Brian Pugh have been confirmed dead. Police are withholding the woman's name until her next of kin have been notified. Wu remains at large Friday night, and police warned that he should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. Ongoing coverage: San Francisco Chronicle / San Jose Mercury News. (Photo courtesy Santa Clara Police Department)

· Another tough week to be gay: The volatile post-Prop 8 era continued with Drew Barrymore's megaphone, a skittish Sundance, and a typically confused Courtney Love. And to top it all off, Brokeback Mountain: The Opera was shelved. · We said goodbye to Paula Goodpseed, the ex-American Idol contenstant who died outside her hero Paula Abdul's house. In better Idol news, ZOMG THIS NEW DAVID ARCHULETA ALBUM IS AWWWWESSSOMMMME!!! *Shriek!!* · Jennifer Aniston knows uncool. Like bragging about sleeping with her husband? Very uncool. · Do you prefer your Fergie with or without a labia-veil? · It took a while, but we think we finally found the worst publicist in media history. · Manhandled paparazzi stalkee Brad Pitt could learn a thing or two about handling shutterbugs from the fearsome Brad Garrett. · The TV execution chamber was busy this week, with My Own Worst Enemy, Lipstick Jungle and MadTV all canceled. · Gay marriage and male pregnancy had the ladies of The View all kinds of confused. · The outraged mayor of Batman, Turkey, probably wouldn't have allowed The Dark Knight's score to compete for an Oscar, either. · Our loyal tipsters saw Kirsten Dunst, Alec Baldwin, Martin Lawrence, Brett Ratner, Matthew Modine and a dog-chasing Mickey Rourke out on the town. · She's not a lesbian, and Barack Obama is "colored." Yes, indeed, Lindsay Lohan has a way with words. · Daniel Radcliffe's naughties. Enough said.

· Rob Lowe reported live from a burning Montecito on Oprah today, where 100 homes and a minimum 2500 acres have already been engulfed in the flames. The part where he carried Stedman and Mr. Man to safety on his back was truly inspiring. · Joe Jonas responds to Taylor Swift's "25-second phone-dump" smear campaign on his MySpace page: "A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear." A fan rep issued this response: "JooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeIloveyouomigaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" · You were poked by: Raging Anti-Gypsysite Italian Neo-Nazi. poke back|remove · We think we know just the thing to make you the hit of this year's church pro-life bake sale! [via BoingBoing] · Got my girlfriend to model for my car (PICS)

Dear readers: Please don't overreact. Valleywag 2009 will have the exact same headcount as Valleywag 2007 — but an order of magnitude more readers. Owen Thomas will run the site all by himself, with me dropping in to blog once in a while. If anything, Owen (photo, left) will be meaner than before. Just look at this week.Facebook investor Peter Thiel got outed — not just as gay, but a gay who opposes immigration. Sun cofounder Bill Joy got taken in the Manhattan real-estate market. Author Sarah Lacy got a taste of her own medicine. And President Change dumped both radio and Twitter. But no one got mauled like America's CTO, Google boss Eric Schmidt. Worst of all for those guys: They're all fair game for Owen when the new Valleywag debuts.

Imagine acting in a film opposite Ellen Page; every day on set must be a bundle of Diablo Cody-scripted larfs, right? According to Marcia Gay Harden, not so much! Harden and her daughter play members of Page's family in Drew Barrymore's upcoming directorial debut Whip It!, and both told MTV that the Juno actress simply would not submit to their months-long campaign of laugh harassment:

Holding Out For a Hero? Here's one for the End of Ideas Hall of Fame: The '80s TV comedy The Greatest American Hero is being talked up for a feature-length film revival. Writer-producer Stephen Cannell and star William Katt tell the LAT it's just a matter of time before their series about a schoolteacher-turned-bumbling crimefighter returns for a new generation. "We have a script," Cannell warned. "We have a director. I'm in the middle of making the deal now for distribution. We have a bite now. It will happen. [...] I want all the 7-year-olds to be able to go and their parents will remember the show and want to share it with them." It it OK if we just point them to the DVD set and call it good? Please? [LAT]

How long ago did we learn Anne Wojcicki, wife of Google cofounder Sergey Brin, was pregnant with the couple's first child? April, which was seven months ago. What a clever idea, to have a baby as a publicity stunt for her startup! It got her on Oprah. On the talk show, Wojcicki disclosed that she's nine months pregnant. "Please have the baby right now!" said the talk-show host. Wojcicki then jumped right into an infomercial for 23andMe's genetic-testing service and her nonprofit work on Parkinson's, a condition for which Brin is at risk. Free advertising for someone whose husband is worth billions of dollars: There is a reason the rich are rich.

FRIDAY · Ben Folds (what—no 5?) at The Wiltern, Berlin at Hollywood Park, and Deerhoof at The Echoplex. · Defamer's own Molly McAleer is the special guest of The Friday Forty, hosted by the one and only Dave Holmes! That's two wonderful, hilarious people and enough malt liquor to make you puke, all for ten measly bucks. At IO West. · Artie Lange does a free reading of his new book, Too Fat to Fish, at Book Soup.SATURDAY · Adult at Echoplex, Calle 13 at Club Nokia, and Gang Gang Dance play the El Rey. · You love it online—now love it live! Elephant Theater hosts Cute With Chris: Live, starring Canadian Chris Leavins, who eschews the grisly beheadings typically associated with his people to focus purely on those adorable things that make you go, "Awwwwwww." 7 p.m. · Turkey Day's coming up, but you don't eat your friends. Take a Vegan Thanksgiving cooking class at Spork Foods Home Kitchen. SUNDAY · Minus the Bear at the Henry Fonda, The B-52's at Club Nokia, and the Part Time Punks Festival invades the Echoplex. · See the Lux Radio Theatre 1950 performance of The Wizard of Oz re-enacted by Fake Radio. With MADtv's Debra Wilson Skelton as the Wicked Witch. At Bang! Comedy Theatre. · Take advantage of the free dental being offered at the International Health & Fitness Fair, at the Pasadena Convention Center.

Our time on this earth is fleeting, so please learn at least these two lesso's from tonight's programming: Dump that lame boyfriend and do not spank your children. Or spank your boyfriend and dump your children with a guy who looks like Steve Wilkos. WATCH Hollywood's Baddest: Boyfriends [8 PM, E!] - Take note, ladies and gentlemen, for characteristics that your current boyfriend might share with these celebrity a-holes. Sometimes you don't realize your relationship is destined for failure until you see celebrity footage/re-enactments that eerily remind you of the person sitting next to you on the sofa, trimming his nails onto a plate that minutes ago held a series of Hot Pockets.