New York Times official rich person-in-residence, plastic surgery addict, and orgy enthusiast Alex Kuczynski has a long, long, torturous story in the Sunday Magazine about her recent experience with a surrogate mother. Would you like to know how stressful and terrible it is to pay another woman to bring your child to term? No, probably not, but here you go.

We don't know about you, but where we come from a "Thanksgiving massacre" is what happens to the Detroit Lions, not a disturbing, well-coordinated terrorist attack in the world's fifth-largest city, involving anywhere from two dozen to 50 terrorists, many of whom haven't been caught, who had no demands but death and destruction, leaving 170 dead so far. Here is your amusing Weekend Gawker listicle: our top four favorite horrific descriptions of the violence in Mumbai this week!

Poor General Motors Corp may not be around forever if certain auto dealers on a bus ride cannot persuade the federal government to give the failing company $25 billion. Sad! Remember when GM cars ruled the roads, America ruled the world, and men were men? Those were the days. We've collected a gallery of ten classic GM ads from the good old days of the 1930s, to remind you of what once was, and what shall never be again. Weep for your autos:

It's hard for journalists to reach the roving band of Somali pirates that's been capturing booty on the high seas, even though they have a PR person. A frustrated BBC journalist who couldn't get through to them via telephone ("They usually picked up the phone but put it down again when I said I was from the BBC") gave in to her kid's nagging and let her call the pirates. The number was "under P for pirates" in her phone, naturally. The kid got through, and the conversation went well:

The Wind in the Willows —featuring the adventures of Mr. Frog and Mole, among others—has been entertaining kids since 1908. Its cover has gone through countless iterations, none of them quite as irksome as the cover of the 100th anniversary Vintage Classics edition, which they allowed a kid to draw. He was the winner of the cover contest! "It took me about an hour and a half to paint, quite a long time," young Harry Jones told London's Times. But it's all scribbly. Here, compare to Wind in the Willows covers from over the years:

Yeah he might have a hot body, but Olympic swimmer and Son of Neptune Michael Phelps is kind of a dweeb. Those ears! That kind of lumbering awkwardness. Sure his glorious be-medaling has emboldened him a bit, but still. So it's funny that he's gone and done what so many newly-rich, videogame-anime-lady-obsessed nerds have done before him: he's found himself an Asian girlfriend.

[Jim Behrle's Kreepie Kats try to save the holidays from ugly consumption now that no one can afford to buy anything.]

"The purpose of this event is to encourage individuals and families to set aside one hour to conduct and record interviews with those who have been important to their lives." [WowOWow]

We had a fun couple weeks there, congratulating ourselves for Barack Obama's historic, Liberals Save America presidential win, accepting other countries' "we're so proud of you" head nods and whatnot. It seemed like the country was back on track for a second, ready to head out into the world beloved for our bold and inspirational choice. Except, um, as it turns out, it doesn't really matter what the World thinks of us. A small, active faction of folks still hate us intensely and it doesn't matter that European people like US tourists again. Things like the current Mumbai crisis still wretchedly play out on big stages the belie their small, insidious roots.

· Mario Majorski should have known better than to bring samurai swords to a Celebrity Centre gunfight.
· One photo tells you everything you need to know to prepare for rockin', lip-lockin' time at the Playboy Mansion!
· Hey, here's a not-so-tough one: What loudmouth movie critic bashed the "old putz" his son was hired to replace?
· See? Nicole Kidman is totally, like, not strung out in any way whatsoever!
· Rahm might be the cute, melodic one in the new boy-pop phenom The Emanuel Brothers, but that doesn't mean he won't kick Andy Samberg's ass for that unaired SNL skit.
· In case of a late-night Fox emergency, break glass and pull Jack Bauer.
· SAG-beat brawlers Sharon Waxman and Nikki Finke provided the unlikeliest catfight of the week.
· The Twilight sequel's $12 million payday sure will buy Kristen Stewart a lot of Transylvanian Power Skunk.
· "Tribeca Steamboat Willie DeGeneres-Di Rossi" is only one of the fantastic reader offerings from the Defamer Simpson-Wentz Baby Name Generator.
· Fire up your Oscars (again) — here come da Milk! Have a great weekend!

As consumers brave Black Friday amidst a crippling recession, it's comforting to know that our comments of the week have earned their writers a truly priceless present: a Bambi Award from Karl Lagerfeld himself! "I admire you, not only for your snark, but also for your energy," said Lagerfeld. "You are to be reincarnated as the Norse god Loki, or as a muted palette in the Chanel resort collection." Congratulations (we think?) — now, on to the winners:

We hate to say we told you so, but Australia—Baz Luhrmann's sweepy weepy about his homeland in the 1940's—is not doing so well at the ol' box office. Nikki Finke reports that it's basically tanking, ceding top honors to such unambitious, unartsy fare as the darkening Twilight and this weekend's most likely top dog (and we mean dog), Four Christmases.

What does an Ivy League education get the average young Hollywood star these days? If Variety's recent collection of peer-on-peer salutations — featuring Natalie Portman and James Franco among many others — is any indication, it pretty much depends on the school.

So yes, today is Black Friday, the day when big stores roll out big, one-day-only bargains in the hopes of setting a high sales bar for the all-important Holiday Season (Christmas! And, to a much lesser extent, Chanukkah!) Good savings are especially urgent this year, with the economy in the crapper and everyone needing to buy things for as cheap as possible (just short of not buying it at all. That would be ludicrous!) Every year, people line up super, super early in the morning. And in some cases, store employees get trampled to death when the doors open and crazed shoppers try to push their way in. (Un)Fortunately there is no photo documentation of that particular melee, but Getty managed to snap some shots at Macy's in New York City and at a Best Buy electronics store in Los Angeles this morning and the madness is palpable. Click after the jump for a gallery.

Here at Defamer HQ, we'd agreed that no recent video packed so many delightful moments into so short a time as Stephen Colbert's rendition of "Peace, Love, and Understanding (f. Feist, Toby Keith, and a bear)," and then, a challenger emerged! Sure, there was lots of talk this morning about yesterday's Britney Spears performance at the German ceremony known as the Bambi Awards, but precious little of that discussion centered on Spears accepting her award from eccentric designer Karl Lagerfeld. We're at a loss to pick our favorite moment: is it Lagerfeld telling Britney, "[You are] coming back not only as a phoenix, but as a bird of paradise"? Is it Britney's "Y'all, double-u-tee-eff?" reaction? Or is it the random cutaway to a totally confused Meg Ryan? You be the judge — the clip is after the jump:

Can't stand CNN? Don't want to keep Googling for news? Pop open a browser window and leave a Twitter search for "mumbai" running. People are posting photo links and group-sulking, rather than the usual sort of "if only they had used Twitter more in Mumbai, none of this would have happened" chatter. You can always go to Poynter for that stuff.

With Thanksgiving over, we'd like now to officially ring in the Archie season. Won't you sing some Archie carols and standards with us?

Winona Ryder's "Fishy Situations '08 Tour" continues its road trip across Europe, as the actress rebounded from her exciting, hospital-assisted London landing by heading off to Madrid for a Marie Claire event. The magazine lent the purchase-averse Ryder clothes, shoes, and a ring and Bulgari bracelet (pictured) that totaled $125,000. The next day, Ryder returned everything but the jewelry. A French magazine reported a claim from Ryder (since disavowed) that she had given the items to the front desk after checkout, but the surveillance camera didn't back the story up. Now, TMZ has a different, equally suspicious account:

Comedy Central curated a list of the Daily Show's top eight Thanksgiving moments, and watching the clips is a bit like pulling out a family photo album to find your boisterous uncle was thinner and less confident than you remembered. Events have allowed the show to feel less desperate and angry these days than in the multiple holiday clips that swipe at the Bush Administration. Katie Couric has put the shame of an M&M-float-disaster coverup behind her. But Rob Corddry's exposé on the farce of pardoned turkeys looks as relevant as ever! It's the first of the four best-of-the-best clips after the jump.

To hell with the SAG strike: The real feud set to engulf Hollywood's acting community is simmering in the tony enclave of Beverly Park. There, Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington and Sylvester Stallone are just a few of the heavy-hitters embroiled in what has come to be known simply as GateGate.