Otherworldly celebrity power couple Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, who fashioned a baby out of stardust and moonbeams one windy night up in their attic, are on two different covers of T magazine, the New York Times' fashion and fancy stuff publication, this month. They're lovely photos, but... isn't there something oddly menacing about them? Maybe it's the harsh black and white or the vaguely Germanic face pose (is that a thing?) struck by Mr. Cruise. Or maybe it's just that I know so much (or think I know so much) about their wild and woolly lives. What do you think? [via Us] Click through for larger.

New Random House CEO Markus Dohle, who put forth a program of massive changes at the publisher yesterday, is now totally excited that his house's books made the most prestigious end-of-the-year books list at the New York Times Book Review. Dohle "delighted in the fact that fully nine of the ten books on the NYTBR list had been published by Random House." So he sent another memo, which the New York Observer duly captured. Instead of the last, ominous one ("a plan for our future that aligns existing strengths and publishing affinities and fosters teamwork throughout the company") which translated into "we killed two of our divisions and shuffled a lot of imprints around; maybe people will lose their jobs also," this memo is more of an OMG! type affair.

Shenae Grimes's big break came when she was cast in Degrassi III: The Search for Joey Jeremiah, only the most recent incarnation of the long-running Canadian teen drama. She then went on to nab the central role on The CW's much-hoopla'd 90210, rendering the Canadian actress a full-fledged U.S. American celebrity—instantly sending her on a nerve-wracking crash quest to rid herself of telltale Torontoisms like pronouncing sorry "sore-y" and smiling a lot for no reason. Upon returning to her native land to attend this year's Gemini Awards ("Celebrating semi-outstanding achievement in Canadian television since the Mulroney administration™"), however, Grimes was reportedly less than magnanimous to the modest, beaver-rearing stock from which she came:

"Increasingly," the right-wing radio host writes, "interests of commercial talk radio in a fractured market diverge from the needs of a viable national movement. A radio show (locally or nationally) that draws just 5% of the available audience can achieve notable success in ratings and revenue, but a conservatism that connects with only a disgruntled, paranoid 5% of the public will wither and die." [HuffPo]

No catastrophic cultural implosion is complete without a Doomsday Baby, and we think we might have gotten ours when pregnanter-than-pregnant Biggest Loser host Alison Sweeney went into labor during today's taping of Ellen. Even Defamer's office of Fact-Checking and Devil's Advocacy seems to stand by the veracity of the accompanying video, which features Ellen coming out of a break to greet the contorting, hyperventilating Sweeney with every expectant mother's favorite question, "Are you kidding?" To which Sweeney replies in the negative with all her searing underworld might. Uncanny!

[Supposedly rehabbed actor Jesse Metcalfe leaving a Los Angeles bar last night; image via INF]

Oh, God, three of the cast members of the Real World Brooklyn plan on staying in New York after the show is over, reports the Daily Intel via Gothamist, who were granted a tour of the house. No, wait: the NY Press says that four "of the eight cast members who were so charmed that they decided to stick around."

HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a suggestion that Pop Culture Doomsday shows no signs of abating, the Dark Lord Satan emerged from the charred remains of the Body Shop this afternoon to announce a brand-new reality project for TV Land.

What's the use of dating a megabillionaire if he can't throw some bucks your way? Google CEO Eric Schmidt, who's been seeing video producer Kate Bohner since last fall, hasn't come through with funding for her documentary production firm, so she's out of a job.

Just take this short survey, and we'll send one random winner a $150 Banana Republic gift certificate. The way prices are going, that should get you through a good chunk of your holiday shopping. Or a really nice sweater. Simply email surveys@gawker.com with the last question of the survey to enter. Standard Contest Rules Apply.

Oh, to be a fancy author these days! Palgrave MacMillan is an academic publisher, founded in 1843, that's published everyone from Keats to Thomas Hardy to Rudyard Kipling, John Maynard Keynes, and Margaret Mitchell. Yet even they are worried about the predicted holiday book-buying holocaust. So they're having a BIG SALE for and turning to the last reliable market for books: authors and their friends. Um, so: The Palgrave MacMillan authors should buy copies of books from Palgrave, at a 55% discount. Happy holidays! (25 copy minimum.)

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Doomsday Edition! 12/4 — PARIS HILTON at Gil Turner's on Sunset at like 2am last night. Wearing torn stockings, purchasing Red Bull, the New York Post and three slimy packets of Oscar Meyer Bologna. Classy. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

New York City was lucky enough today to play host to a fancy panel discussion featuring the world's three fanciest magazine editors: Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter, Vogue's Anna Wintour, and The New Yorker's David Remnick. And Joe Nocera of the Times uncouthly "lashed out at the editors and asked how each of the them could be so sanguine about the future." Pish posh! Graydon Carter is convinced his invincible publication will weather this economic storm as it always has:

The Securities and Exchange Commission has caught up with William "Boots" Del Biaggio, a venture capitalist once dubbed a "young financial god," on charges of defrauding clients and banks out of $65 million — in part so he could buy a sports team.

Back when we were all convinced for some reason that it mattered, it was big news that Oprah Winfrey, the most powerful woman on television, refused to let Sarah Palin, the governor of Culture Warkansas, on her popular television program. Because Oprah is a liberal elitist who supported Barack Obama, you see. Also because Oprah didn't have any candidates on her show after her endorsement of Barack Obama. "I would love to have her on after the campaign is over," Oprah said. Conservatives would surely have jumped all over her if she'd continued to refuse to invite Sarah Palin on, so we're happy to announce that Sarah Palin has herself refused to do Oprah.

· Jay Baruchel, NDG's greatest contribution to cinematic dick humor, is indeed in talks to play the title role in a live-action, NYC-set version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice for Disney. It also stars Nicolas Cage as the sorcerer who leaves for a few hours while his underling plays around with his magic wand, then commands an army of marching tissues to clean up the mess. [Variety]
· We're going to devote exactly as much space to this story about a Romancing the Stone remake as that idea deser [THR]
· Lorne Michaels will produce a movie based on a recent NY Times article about a child food critic who "charms his way into posh eateries." The similarities to Ben Lyons end there, we're afraid, as the little tastemaker doesn't then insist on barging into the kitchen to have his photo taken with Gotham's celebrity chefs. [Variety]

Good news for megayacht owners terrified to sail the seas this holiday season for fear of being attacked by rogue pirates. A company called Blackwater Worldwide says it has a 183-foot "security vessel" at the ready for any interested boatowners. The former Navy ship (left) comes with a helicopter, crew of 15, and three "commando-style inflatable boats," and has been used to protect cargo ships up until now. But we're pretty sure Blackwater will happily change course and link up Ron Perelman's Ultima III off the coast of St. Barts if he's interested. [NYP, previously]

With so many layoffs going down today, it's a good time to take a look at how, exactly, a layoff memo should be written. Actually, any time you're critiquing a flood of layoff memos is by definition a bad time. But we'll disregard that for the moment. People need to be let down in the proper way, lest they get justifiably angry enough to put managers up against the wall. After the jump, we analyze five elements of today's memos that illustrate everything you corporate flacks need to know about firing people like us:

Keri Russell Graduates: It's a good thing Felicity got out of the dorms before the advent of Facebook, because she would be so busted for posting these scandalous, wannabe Terry Richardson pictures (from the new issue of Details). Ben may approve, but Noel is very disappointed. More NSFW pics after the jump:

♦ Mimosa yellow is the color of 2009. [Vogue]
♦ Massive discounts helped lead to a 15 percent boost in sales on Cyber Monday. [WSJ]
♦ Retailers are pulling out all the stops to lure customers to stores this holiday season. [NYT]
♦ Anna on the recession: "I see a lot of people in my industry who are over-reacting. Stores that are over-discounting, designers who are creating collections for the price and what sells rather than to reflect who they are." [Jezebel]
♦ Topshop is "definitely" opening in NYC by the end of March. Ha. [Glamour]
♦ Happy accidents: Lumigan, a drug used to treat glaucoma, makes your eyelashes longer and prettier, too. [MSNBC]